Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(46)
Veronica sat next to me weeping. It was obvious she’d been under a lot of stress, and my pushing her away had only made it worse. I felt guilty for being so horrible, but not where Rachel was concerned. Instead of lying to my wife, and myself, I’d come to the conclusion I’d always be in love with her, even if the end result didn’t allow us to be together.
Did I want to support my wife and fall back into the life we once shared? Of course not, but I didn’t have much of a choice. It wasn’t just about Harper anymore. We’d supposedly created another life, and now I felt obligated to give them both the family they deserved.
“What about Rachel?” Veronica asked. “I need you to promise me it’s over between the two of you.”
I sighed. “What if I can’t do that?” I was struggling. She needed me to be there for her, and I said I would, but I refused to force myself to give up on Rachel.
“You can’t have both, Chad. It’s me and the kids, or your girlfriend.”
“She’s not a home wrecker, by the way. This isn’t her fault. I came onto her. It wasn’t the other way around. She’d never do that.”
She covered her face. I could tell she was frustrated, and definitely not in the mood to hear about details. “Please stop. I’m telling you, I’m not going to be able to handle it. I’m not going to share my husband with another woman, even if he doesn’t want me anymore.”
“Are you kidding me? You were screwing your doctor. I’m not going to keep arguing about this, but I’m also not going to hurt Rachel when she doesn’t deserve it. I’m giving you what you want, now dammit, let me handle the rest.”
“If you haven’t noticed, I’m the one who is going to have your baby. You either want it, or you don’t. Didn’t you just tell me to have it?”
My conscience was deteriorating. I spoke in a low tone, almost afraid to say the words. “I love her.”
She went off the deep end. “You’re an *.” She got close and shoved me backward.
“I’m being honest. I know it hurts you, but I’ve got to be straight about it. Seeing her again changed me. Maybe it’s the pain of losing my grandfather. I don’t really know if something like that can make people more susceptible to relationships and feelings. We left things unresolved. I walked away from her when it wasn’t what I wanted.”
She tried to cover her ears. “Stop it. I can’t listen to this.” She was obviously crying, feeling abused by my confession. I was angrily taking it out on Veronica, because she’d done me wrong. “I was a good husband to you. I never spoke to Rachel, not even once. I was faithful, and for a time I think we loved each other.”
“But let me guess, it’s never been enough for you? It’s never been what you feel for her.”
“It’s complicated.”
“You’re telling me. So what exactly are you trying to say? Have you changed your mind again? Do you want to be with her? Is that what you’d rather have?”
“I want to be a father to my children, no matter what I have to sacrifice.” It killed me to say it.
“There’s only one way I’ll agree to this, Chad. I’m not kidding either. I don’t want my children growing up with an absent father. You need to be there for them. Whatever you have with that woman needs to end now. You can’t have a life in both places.”
“Is that all?” I could barely comprehend what she was asking. I wanted to see Rachel, to hold her in my arms and tell her I didn’t mean what I was about to say.
“No. The one thing you need to do immediately is sell this god awful house and never return.”
I started to argue with her about it being part of my families legacy, but I was fully aware how she’d turn it around to being something entirely different. My struggle to accept her request was harping her nerves. I could see her suspicious eyes attempting to read me; to see if I was prepared to give up what I loved.
If only I could stall her. “Legally I can’t do anything until the will has been read. Once that happens I’ll get in touch with a realtor. I’ll do what you want, Veronica, because I know it’s not fair to the kids if I can’t be dedicated to them. I just need one favor in return.”
“What?” I could tell she didn’t want to give me shit. “Haven’t you already gotten enough this week?”
I sighed, feeling as if this was only going to piss her off more. How could I have loved this woman when she was awful? “I want to tell Rachel goodbye. She needs to hear it from me. I need closure.”
“In other words,” she replied sarcastically. “You want to get one more f*ck in before you go.”
“It’s not like that. It’s not about sex. Just let me be decent. Have some compassion. She’s lost her husband and my grandfather, who was one of her oldest friends. I know you can’t understand this, but for a little while she thought she had a chance at happiness again, and now I’ve got to take it all away again.”
“Fine. Go tell the home wrecker she can’t have you. Then get your ass back here and start making phone calls. I want to leave as soon as possible. I just want to put the past behind us and forget it ever happened.”
She had me by the balls, and there was nothing I could do, not if she was carrying my child. Being a father was important to me, because my dad never got the chance to see the man I’d become.