Belong (Seven Year Itch #3)(49)

"What are you going on about? I'm confused. What happened with Veronica?"

He turned in another direction, ashamed and distraught. "She's pregnant. She was telling the truth. I made her take two tests to be sure. It's a f*cking mess, Rach." Chad covered his face with his hands, almost appearing as if he were about to pray.? "I'm obligated to support her; to be a parent to my child."

I tucked my arm under Chad’s, and placed my head on his shoulder. "That's a good thing. You should be there. That's why I've decided I'll go wherever you need to be. I can work remotely. As long as we're together."

His fingers were gently placed over my lips to prevent me from speaking. "Stop. Please don't say anymore. I can't bear it. It's too painful. I feel like my heart is being ripped in two. I can't do this, Rach."

"But you promised."

"I know what I said. I also ?promised to love my wife, and be a good father to my daughter. Apparently I can't have it all, at least not the part where I get to be with you for the rest of my days."

"I don't understand. What is going on? Why can't we be together, and more importantly, what brought this on? I thought we were on the same page." I was losing it. My inability to accept this was a result was making the situation ten times worse.

"I thought we were too, but apparently ?I'm not allowed to have you and my children. I'm in a terrible position. She's got me by the balls, Rach."

"So, let me guess, she wants you with her?"

"No. Actually I'm certain we will be living separately. Veronica was going to have an abortion. She said she wouldn't keep the baby unless I severed ties with you and sold the mansion. She wants me to have no reason to return."

"That is ridiculous."

"What else am I supposed to do? For right now I have to go along with it. I don't have a f*cking choice."

I shook my head. "No. This can't be happening again. I won't lose you."

"I can't ask you to wait for me."

"I would." I reassured him. "I will wait as long as it takes."

"Rach, I can't ask that of you."

"You never have to ask. I insist." I paused for a moment to see if he could relax a bit. “I don’t want this to be over. I just got you back. This can’t happen again. We can’t let it. There has to be a way for us to be together. I’ll wait.”

“That’s just it,” he said while running his hands up my arms. “I don’t want you to. You have a life here, a grandchild who is about to be born. I know how much that child means to you. I can’t expect you to drop everything you love and follow me across the country to deal with my bullshit. Veronica and I don’t even know what we’re going to do as far as living arrangements, or if we’ll tell Harper we’re separating. If we do, or she figures it out on her own, she’s going to need me there, every single day reminding her I’m never going to leave. My life is in California, and yours is here. If I could be in two places at once I would. Trust me. It’s all I want, but it’s not feasible. I don’t know what it is about us, Rach, but the cards are never on our side.”

I was still in denial. “This isn’t happening again.”

He pulled me into his arms, holding me tightly as I began to sob. He wasn’t saying goodbye so I could go back to my husband. He was saying goodbye because we lived two different lives. It was permanent, and once again he was breaking my heart.

His lips brushed over my forehead. “I will never stop loving you, but I need you find happiness with someone who can give you everything you need. Think about it this way. A week ago you were living life without me. You can go back to it. I’m not asking you to pretend our time together didn’t happen, but I’m begging you to forgive me for walking away again.”

This wasn’t the way I saw things going. I certainly didn’t think Chad would give up so easily, but I also couldn’t imagine what it would have felt like to be in his arms again, not until it actually happened. I had to come to grips with losing him, because I knew it was only a matter of time before he walked out the door and never returned. “I can’t say goodbye to you, Chad. I don’t want you to go.” My bellowing was making it impossible to continue. I didn’t have the strength to beg him to stay.

For a little while Chad held me close, both of us giving up on fighting the battle of our emotions. Like the time before, Chad was doing the walking away, leaving me to go through the motions of figuring out what my future would be without him in it.

He was right. I’d done it before, but I’d had a reason. I’d had Grayson. This time I was alone, regretfully wishing there was something I could do to rectify our situation.

After time passed, we both knew he’d have to get going. I was terrified of the goodbye kiss that I’d never want to end. I couldn’t imagine denying him the opportunity. Thankfully, Chad had a different kind of idea for making it a little easier to bear.

He took my hand and kissed it before standing up. Then, without asking if we were on the same page, he led me toward the stairs. I knew what was about to happen between us, and with a heavy heart I followed, knowing there was no place else on earth that I’d rather be.





Chapter 26