Undone(15)

I was shaking my head, trying to clear the fuzziness and confusion that had replaced the fear. ‘I was . . . I was scared.’

Stu shook his head in disgust. ‘Haven’t you ever had it rough before? Girls usually love it. Then again, you’re not exactly my usual type.’ How someone who was bleeding so profusely could manage a look of such disdain was beyond me.

Girls actually liked being treated like that? I found that very hard to believe. It was just so . . . twisted. And I hadn’t imagined the look on his face, had I? Total power, total dominance. But maybe this is what people did. Maybe I was a freak? I didn’t know what to think any more. I wanted to be at home in my own bed so I could pretend nothing had happened. So I could pretend that I hadn’t very nearly had sex with someone I despised who may or may not have wanted to rape me.

He looked around for something to mop up the blood and I handed him some tissues from my pocket. ‘Hadn’t you better get home? That curfew, remember? I think it’s way past your bedtime, little girl.’

‘I . . . I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to . . .’

He moved towards me and I backed up against the wall. His eyes were hard, unforgiving. ‘You, darlin’, are what’s known as a cock tease. You want to watch yourself in future . . . You never know what could happen to a girl like you.’ His voice was a raw whisper and the rusty smell of blood nearly made me gag.

‘Don’t you dare threaten me!’ I pushed him hard on the chest and he stumbled backwards.

He laughed, but there was no humour in it whatsoever. ‘I wouldn’t dream of threatening you, darlin’. I’m a gentleman. Think of it more like a friendly warning. Now get the f*ck out of here. And if you breathe a word of this to anyone . . .’





chapter eight


I grabbed my jacket and ran out of the greenhouse. Back in the real world, nothing had changed. The bonfire was still blazing, people were still drunk. And no one had any idea what had just happened. Maybe if I pretended hard enough I could convince myself that it had been a bad dream. But I could still feel his hands all over me, his tongue in my mouth. I could still taste the panic.

I hurried to another quiet corner of the garden and took out my mobile with shaking hands. I texted Kai: Home. Now. Please. x

I waited for a few minutes – no reply. I kept looking over my shoulder, half-expecting Stu to jump out at me like some horror-movie psycho.

Right. Pull yourself together. Kai’s probably left his phone somewhere. Find him and go home. Pretend that nothing happened. Easy. I’d already decided not to tell him, without even making a conscious decision about it. Telling him wasn’t even an option. He wouldn’t understand. There was no way he would be able to comprehend why I would do something like that – why I’d put myself in that situation. He probably wouldn’t even be able to get past the idea of me kissing Stuart Hicks.

How could I ever begin to explain it to him? What could I possibly say that would make him understand, even a little bit?

Because I was drunk.

Because I was curious.

Because I was horny.

Because he was there.

And you weren’t.

I ran my hands through my hair and dusted down the back of my jeans. Took a deep breath and headed back into the fray. Just put on a brave face for a few more minutes, then you can go home.

I couldn’t see Kai outside anywhere. I asked a couple of people (only those with friendly-ish faces), but no one had seen him. A quick scan of the ground floor of the house revealed the following: Bugs pretending to hump Lucas as he bent over to get something out of the fridge; a couple getting busy on the sofa while some other people watched, jeering and laughing; some boys looking at porn on the computer in the study; Stu sitting in a corner smirking at his phone, probably trying to distract himself from the bits of tissue stuffed up his nose. I backed away fast before he noticed me.

I stood in the hallway trying to figure out what to do. I phoned Kai but he didn’t answer. If he’d bailed on me, I was going to be so pissed off. And if he was off having fun without me somewhere, I was going to be equally pissed off. I wondered briefly if I should check out upstairs, but there was a baby-gate across the bottom of the stairs with a handwritten sign taped to it: ‘ACCESS DENIED. If you ignore this sign, I will kill you. (Bugs and Stu: I will kill you twice as hard, so don’t even think about it.)’

Considering what was going on in the living room, I didn’t want to think about what might be happening upstairs. And the last thing I wanted to do was make an enemy of Max as well as Stu. If Kai was up there, he was going to have to fend for himself. I texted him to say I was heading home and that I hoped he was enjoying his lone-wolf adventure. The relief when I closed the front door behind me was so immense that I just stood there savouring it for a few seconds. I breathed in the cool night air and got a lungful of smoke instead. Louise was sitting leaning against the wall. She had a bottle of wine in one hand and a fag in the other. Classy lady.

‘Louise, hi! Have you seen Kai anywhere? I’ve been looking for him for ages and no one seems to have seen him.’

She turned to look at me and I saw that she’d been crying. ‘How about you just f*ck off home, OK?’ Her voice was muffled and somewhat mucousy.

And there I’d been just about to ask if she was all right. Charming. ‘Right. Delightful talking to you – as per usual. Look, if you see Kai, can you tell him I had to go home? I’m not feeling too well.’