Undone(19)

I’m not sure why I didn’t ask Kai who the mystery boy was. I guess I thought he’d tell me if he wanted to. His privacy had already been invaded in the worst way imaginable and I wasn’t about to add to that. That’s not to say I wasn’t curious. Actually, curious wasn’t even the right word. I was dying to know the identity of Mr Pixel. And I couldn’t help wondering why Kai hadn’t mentioned him when he came over on Sunday. At least now I knew the reason for his little disappearing act. But why the hell hadn’t he told me? He was always going on about boys, so I’d have expected him to tell me as soon as he’d snagged himself a real live one.

Then again, I hadn’t told him about Stu. But that was different. At least, I told myself it was different. Still, if someone had secretly filmed what had happened in the greenhouse and emailed it around, I wouldn’t have wanted to show my face at school. Or anywhere for that matter. Kai was stronger than me, though. He’d get through this and everything would be OK, I was sure of it.

I eventually managed to coax him out from under the desk and he even let me turn on the light. He looked terrible – wrecked. I hugged him and told him over and over again that it would be all right, that people have short memories and no doubt the next scandal would be right around the corner, that whoever had done this to him was a pathetic loser with nothing better to do with their life. And it seemed like I was getting through to him. It really did. He nodded and even smiled a couple of times.

I cleared out his email without reading any more of the vile messages. I gave him one last pep talk before I left. He practically shooed me out of the door, saying, ‘I’ll be fine,’ over and over again until I actually believed it.

Kai could always make me believe whatever he wanted me to believe.





chapter eleven


The next morning I knocked on Kai’s front door just like I’d done every single school day for years and years. I was ready to go into battle. I was worried about what people might say, but I was ready. Kai and I would get through this – together.

Mrs McBride answered the door, looking even more tired than usual. She was a nurse and worked night shifts at the A&E department at the hospital. She was usually drinking coffee or yawning or rushing off somewhere. Just looking at her made me feel exhausted. ‘Jem, sweetheart, I’m afraid he’s not coming in today. He’s not well.’

I wasn’t surprised. If it was me, I’d have cut off my arm with a rusty knife if it meant I’d get out of going to school for a while. ‘Can I see him?’

‘Why don’t you come round after school? He’s sleeping at the mo, the poor love.’

‘OK, just tell him . . . tell him I hope he feels better soon.’

She smiled a watery smile. ‘I will do. I’m not used to him being ill – I can’t even remember the last time! Strong as an ox, that boy. Right, I’ve got to pop the washing on and then it’s bedtime for me. Have a good day at school, Jem.’

Mrs McBride shut the door and I was left standing on the doorstep, wondering if there was any way I could skive off too. I had to go in though; I had to face them. For him.

It was bad. People looked at me, which was a new experience. An entirely new experience that I didn’t like one little bit. It seemed like everyone had their phones out and little groups were huddled together watching the screen, laughing. Maybe they were watching videos of skateboarding dogs or something. Maybe I was just paranoid . . . but I didn’t think so.

People I’d never talked to in my life asked me about Kai. Most of them were smirking idiots, but one or two people were worried. Bland Boy A and Bland Girl B seemed genuinely concerned, which made me feel a bit bad for being a bitch about them. But even their concern was measured, in a bland sort of way.

I texted Kai a few times but didn’t get a reply. Fair enough. I’d give him the day to get over it, but then he really would have to deal with this. Being there by myself was hideous. I’d never felt so lonely. It felt a little bit like my first day all over again – everything and everyone seemed sinister and unfriendly. I must have looked at my watch a thousand times, willing time to move faster so I could run home and see him.

I avoided the cafeteria at lunchtime. There were limits to the torture I was willing and able to endure. I found an empty classroom and sat on the floor under the window so that anyone who walked past wouldn’t see me. I sat there nibbling at an apple, feeling sorry for myself. I mean, obviously I was feeling sorry for Kai most of all, but since he wasn’t there I reckoned a little bit of self-pity was allowed.

Kai would bounce back soon enough. I was almost sure of it. He had to. There was no other option.

Towards the end of lunchtime, Louise came into the classroom. For once in my life I was actually glad to see her. I scrambled up from my hiding place, making her jump. ‘Fuck! What were you . . . ? Actually, I don’t want to know.’

‘How’s he doing?’

‘He’ll be OK.’ Her face gave nothing away.

‘God, I hope so. He was a total mess last night. I swear, if I find out who did this to him, I’ll . . .’

‘You’ll what?’

I shrugged. ‘I . . . I don’t know. I just feel so . . . helpless.’

‘That’s because you are. There’s nothing you or me or Kai can do. We just have to pretend it never happened and wait for all the fuss to die down.’ She seemed resigned, weary, just like her mother.