Undone(10)

I didn’t say anything at first because I didn’t want to look needy. I was needy, but I liked to pretend otherwise. And it wasn’t that big a deal. He always called or texted eventually, but it bothered me because it was different, and I have never ever been good with change. Change makes me anxious, which is kind of funny when you think of it now, all things considered.

I was never able to hide my feelings from Kai – he could wheedle his way through my defences with consummate ease. All it took was him to say something like, What’s up, pickle? and I would be spilling my guts in no time. (If anyone else on this planet ever called me pickle I would break their face. Kai had special dispensation to use bizarre terms of endearment.)

We were hanging out in my room one day when he asked what was wrong. And I told him (mumbling and blushing) and he was great about it, of course. He reassured me that there was nothing to worry about – that I was still his very bestest friend in the whole wide world – and then he distracted me so perfectly I didn’t even realize it was happening. ‘Oh, I have news! Very interesting news too. Except you might not find it all that appealing. Hear me out though, OK?’

Kai always prefaced announcements like that – building things up to be bigger than they were. He couldn’t help himself. I nodded. We were lying on my bed, side by side, staring at the ceiling. We used to do that a lot.

‘So . . . there’s this party. At Max’s place. And we’re invited.’

‘What?’ I understood all the words Kai was saying, but there was a crucial one missing, surely. A ‘not’ between ‘we’re’ and ‘invited’.

‘I know! So anyway, it’s this Saturday and everyone’s going and his parents are away and his house is massive . . . according to Lol anyway.’ He was speaking super-fast, which was something he only ever did when he was excited.

I hauled myself up into a sitting position and prodded his stomach with my finger, harder than was strictly necessary. ‘Define “everyone”.’

‘Ow! Look, I know my washboard stomach is pretty hard to resist, but please be gentle!’ He sat up rubbing his stomach. He lifted up his shirt and inspected his belly as if I’d poked him hard enough to leave a mark. The sight of his stomach made my stomach flip and I was relieved when he covered it up again.

‘Everyone . . . is everyone. You know, the usual.’

I didn’t know, and clearly he didn’t either. ‘You mean them? Team Popular?’

‘Yeah, I suppose. Not just them though – that would be a pretty rubbish party, wouldn’t it? I think Max’s brother is home from uni with a bunch of his friends or something. Anyway, haven’t you heard people talking about it at school?’

I hadn’t. In order for that to happen, I’d have had to talk to someone who was not Kai. And I tried to avoid doing that because it was mostly unrewarding. Kai did talk to other people though, because Kai was a friendly sort of person. He was my link to the real world. I didn’t feel the need to participate in it so long as he was there to do it for me.

‘I’m not being funny, Kai, but are you sure we’re invited? I mean, have you ever even spoken to Max?’

‘He is going out with my sister, remember? But it was Lol who invited us. She’s practically co-hosting it.’

‘And she told you to invite me? Who are you trying to kid?’

‘OK, maybe she didn’t say that in so many words. But she knows we come as a package, so inviting me is practically the same thing as inviting you – like we’re married or something. God, imagine! It doesn’t bear thinking about! But I digress . . . anyway, Lol doesn’t mind you; she just doesn’t get you like I do. No one gets you like I do. That’s the problem.’ He got up to change the music.

‘Sorry, I suppose I’ve never really thought of myself as a problem before.’ I suddenly thought I might cry. I didn’t like crying in front of him. Crying was something to be done at home – alone.

He smiled over at me. ‘Don’t go twisting my words, you little minx. All I’m saying is that I think we should go. You never know, it might actually be . . . gasp . . . fun! A little drinking, a little dancing . . . maybe we could hook up with a couple of tall, dark, handsome strangers.’

The idea filled me with horror. The kind of party he was talking about was pretty much my exact worst nightmare. And he knew it. He knew how anxious I got and he was normally really good about it. But he obviously really, really wanted to go to this particular party. Why?

‘Why would your sister suddenly invite you to something like this? It’s like cross-pollination or something. It’s messing with the natural order of the universe! It’s not right!’

Kai sighed. ‘I thought we’d agreed that I’m the drama queen in this relationship. Besides, how do you know Lol doesn’t invite me to parties ALL the time?’

‘Because you tell me everything, idiot.’

He jumped onto the bed, clasped my hands between his and gave me his very best puppy-dog eyes. ‘Pleasecomewithmepleasecomewithmepleaseplease-please?’ Kai’s puppy-dog eyes were a truly effective weapon. They never failed on me. But this was different; he was asking too much.

I decided that whining was my best defence. ‘But whyyyyyyy? Why would you want to hang out with those people? They’re all shiny and fake and —’