Haunted(19)

“What do you mean? Like I would get tired of you and go off and sleep with some groupies?” He looked confused, hurt, and pissed.

“Yes.”

Roman took my hands in his. “I didn’t sleep with anyone else while we were apart. Why don’t you trust me?”

The look in his eyes made me ashamed of myself, but we had always been honest with each other. “I…I’m average and you’re so beautiful.” I shrugged.

“You are beautiful!” he told me.

I put my fingers over his lips to make him stop talking. I needed him to understand. “Okay, I am pretty, but I’m forty-one with a weight problem. I’ve lost a lot of weight in the last year, but I’ll always struggle with my weight. I see the girls you used to go out with. They were models and they were absolutely gorgeous. Even you said something on the night that we met about my age and weight.”

Roman removed my fingers from his lips. “What did I say?”

“That ‘I worked with what I had’ and I believe you called me a ‘heifer.’”

Roman’s head lowered and he shook it. “Shit. I was an * back then. I was going through withdrawal, and I was irritated as hell. Plus, I thought my shit didn’t stink. I now know better.”

“But you still said it and meant it. Might I remind you?”

“Would you like me to tell you about the woman I am in love with?” His hands captured my face and he looked me square in the eye. “The woman I’m in love with, well, her name is Beth and she’s absolutely gorgeous. She has this fantastic personality that makes me want to be around her all the time. She’s a great mom. Her knowledge of music makes her a worthy adversary. She can dance like a sexy stripper while wearing sweatpants and a tank top. She is a confident woman who showed me a thing or two in bed. She is the selfless woman who gave herself to a madman to save my life. In fact, she is so selfless she pushes me away because she truly thinks I would be happier without her.” He stroked my cheek with his fingers. “I am in awe of you. To me, you are the most beautiful girl in the world.”

“Humm?”

His words and his fingers put me at ease. I couldn’t believe he was here telling me everything I had always wanted to hear.

“Do you want me to list what I think is beautiful about you?” His hands rested on my hips and his eyes caught mine. I was entranced.

“I love your long brown hair. I remember before I had the right, I wanted to run my fingers through it. I love your pale, porcelain skin, how it glows with health. I love your smile because when you smile, you make me want to smile. I love your beautiful dark eyes, and when they twinkle with mischief, you make me feel like a kid again. I love your alluring bouncy breasts because they’re bouncy. I love your curvy body because it is real and it is beautiful to me. Beth, you are gorgeous! Don’t you know that? Have I convinced you?”

“Maybe a little.” I smiled. How could I not believe him when he listed off my qualities as though they were the most natural reasons in the world? I embraced him, loving the feel of our bodies touching. “Well, it wouldn’t hurt you to gain some weight. You look like you have lost some. That reminds me, did you stay off the Oxy while we were apart?”

“Yes.”

“Good.” I put my forehead against his. “If you are going to be a stepdad, you can’t do stuff like that.”

“I know.” He nodded.

I smiled. I was so proud of him.

“You know I meant what I said earlier, about having a baby. I do want to have a baby.” He told me.

“I’m a little too old to be having a baby.”

“But not too old, right?” He looked hopeful.

“Maybe.” I tried to think of anyone my age who had a baby.

“Would you be willing to try?”

I couldn’t help but smile. I could tell he really wanted this. “I thought you didn’t want babies,” I teased.

“I do with you. I never wanted a lot of things before I met you.”

“We can try, but please understand that it might be hard for us to conceive. We are both older than forty.”

“But we can try?”

“Yes, we can try.”

His face lit up like Christmas lights. He couldn’t keep the smile off his face. “Thank you! I love you so much. I swear if you asked me two hours ago if I was happy, the answer would have been a definite no, but if you ask me right now, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.

“We need to also make another decision.”

“Like what?”

“Phantom. I don’t want you to quit. It is a part of you.”

“But I know how you feel about me being on the road.”

“But you were right. I should trust you. You’ve never given me a reason to doubt you.”

“Look, I understand where you’re coming from. Jealousy is a bitch.”

“When have you ever been jealous?”

“Tate! I was totally jealous of you and Tate and how you two used to flirt.”

I looked away.

“Beth?”

“It was my fault, you know. You were right. I looked like I was flirting with him and I led him on. I honestly didn’t mean to do it. He was nice to me, and I didn’t think being mean to him would help our situation, ya know?”