Four Doors Down(62)

“I’m sorry, Becca,” he tells me.

I shake my head and finally look at him. Only this time when I look at him, he doesn’t make my heart flutter. Instead, I see that his hair looks greasy and his slim build looks scrawny rather than sexy.

“Why?” I ask him and instantly hate myself for it. I don’t want to show him that I care.

He shrugs. “Because you’re hot?” he says, cocking a grin.

I look at him in disgust and resist the urge to slap him. Is he actually trying to make this into a joke? His expression turns somber at my obvious disgust, like he realizes he can’t joke with me and make this go away. “I never meant for it to go this far,” he carries on. “Things weren’t going great with Catherine. That’s her name.”

“Your girlfriend?”

He nods. “Yeah.”

“That girl we saw at the gig that time?”

“She went to my old school. She knows Catherine.”

I shake my head in disgust, remembering how I thought that was weird at the time, how he didn’t introduce me but all it took was for him to pull me into a dark corner and show me a bit of attention and I’d been too distracted to think about it again. I’m such a fool.

“Look, Becca, you’re awesome and I’m sorry. Catherine and I broke up. The distance was too hard and I should have done it ages ago.”

“You mean she found out about me and dumped your ass?”

He looks away and I know I’m right. Total dick.

“I would have picked you anyway. I’m sorry I lied to you, but we could try again? I like you so much, Becca. We’re so good together.”

I can’t believe what I’m hearing. He actually thinks I could forgive him for something like this? For such a betrayal? And only because his actual girlfriend dumped him first and now he doesn’t want to be alone. I look at him—this guy I was infatuated with, this guy that I thought I was in love with—and I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.

I think back over our whole relationship and remember how he made me feel. Like I couldn’t question him about things, how I had to accept whatever he gave me, however much time he chose to give. How I felt that if he didn’t contact me, it was my fault. I’d done something wrong, I was to blame. I wasn’t good enough.

“Go away, Charlie.” I look him straight in the eye. “Don’t contact me again.”

He looks confused at my response, which I suppose is because all I ever did was be there for him whenever he wanted, for whatever he wanted. But I’m still me. I won’t put up with this bullshit no matter how much I like someone, or in Charlie’s case, think I like someone.

He opens his mouth to say something but the look I send him stops him. He looks away and climbs back into his car, driving out of my life for what I hope is the last time.

I stand and watch him go and don’t feel anything. Tears don’t even come close to my eyes. I can’t believe I wasted so much of my time on him to begin with.





It’s mid-morning and I’m heading toward my locker, knowing I left my math book in there. As I get closer, I sigh in annoyance. Ryan’s there and he’s surrounded as usual. I’m going to have to start planning ahead and only come at lunch or when I’m certain he’s in class. He looks up and our eyes meet. He steps toward me, but I spin on my heel and rush away. Who needs books anyway? There is no way I’m having that conversation with him. Not now, not ever.




“Becca, are you okay? You seem a little nervous.” Sam looks at me quizzically. I bite down on my lip and push my tray of food away, I have no appetite. I’m at lunch and anxious because I can feel him watching me. I’m grateful that he hasn’t come over and spilled everything in front of everyone. At least he’s trying to catch me on my own. I just have to make sure that I’m never on my own.

“I’m fine. Totally fine.” I lie. I haven’t told her about the kiss with Ryan. I’m too embarrassed, but she obviously knows there’s something wrong.

“Is it Charlie?” she responds. I nearly laugh out loud. The one good thing about this whole Ryan situation is at least I’ve not been thinking about Charlie. At all. That lying, cheating bastard.

“No, it’s not Charlie. Do you want to get out of here?”

She nods agreeably and stands. I follow suit and try and steer her out of the cafeteria conspicuously. She looks at me in surprise. “Don’t you have Anatomy next? You’re going the wrong way. I’m going that way too.”

Oh shit, this means I’m going to have to walk directly past Ryan’s table. Oh well, at least I’ve got Sam with me so he won’t say anything and his table is so full maybe he won’t notice me.

I quickly smile at Sam and reverse directions. I pick up the pace and think I’ve almost made it.

“Becca!”

Jesus, he says it loud enough so that half the cafeteria hears him. Sam stops walking and turns to face him, leaving me with very little choice but to do the same. His whole table’s staring at me with unveiled curiosity. Oh my God, what if he’s already told them and they’re just waiting for the show to begin? If Jessica could shoot daggers from her eyes, I’d be dead right now.

He’s laid back slouched in his chair, arms crossed and he’s staring at me directly. I don’t dare look him in the eye. “What?” I mutter.