Four Doors Down(59)

“Whoa, Becca!” It’s Jake. I know his voice without having to look. “You apologizing? You mustn’t be feeling—” He stops abruptly when I turn to face him. I guess I’m not hiding my emotions very well after all. His eyes widen slightly, “What’s happened?”

I shake my head. “Nothing. Everything’s fine.” My voice cracks just slightly.

Jake opens his mouth to say something else. “She’s fine,” Sam says from behind me coming up to stand next to me. She takes hold of my arm and pulls me away from their group and further down the hallway, “Come on, Becca.”

She walks straight past Henderson’s open door and stops a few lockers down from his room where we’re out of earshot from the rest of the students that are loitering in the hall.

“Are you sure it’s true?” I ask quietly. Deep down I know it is, but I’m desperate for her to tell me that she got it wrong. That there’s been a mix-up and the guy that I thought I was in love with hasn’t been using me for the last few months.

She nods. “I’m really sorry, Becca. He doesn’t deserve you.”

“But I only spoke to him this morning. We’re supposed to be meeting up after school.”

“He probably doesn’t know that Chris knows. We wanted to tell you first so you could figure out what you wanted to do.”

“How long has he been with her?”

“Becca—”

“How long, Sam?”

She sighs. “They’ve been together for two years.”

I feel like I’ve been punched in the stomach. This hurts, this really, really hurts. The person who has been my whole world since I met him has got a long term, serious girlfriend.

“He’s a f*cking idiot, Becca. You are so much better than him. He doesn’t deserve you,” Sam tells me fiercely.

I reach up to rub my face, trying to make sense of what I’m hearing and notice that my hands are shaking. I can’t believe this. I cannot believe this is happening. “Do you think he loves her?”

Sam shrugs helplessly at my words and she reaches out and gently places her hand on my arm in a gesture of comfort. “You’re better off without him.”

“I slept with him, Sam,” my voice trembles again. I gave that bastard my virginity.

Her face softens. “I know.”

I shake my head in disbelief. “I am so f*cking dumb, Sam. I am so, so stupid.” I lean against the locker next to me suddenly drained of all energy and drop my head to rest against it. I feel completely and utterly betrayed. Why is this happening to me? How could he do this to me?

Sam suddenly straightens up, looking down the hall behind me, now that I’ve slumped against the locker. “Becca, they’re looking over here.”

I turn my head without thinking and see Jake still standing with Jessica and the rest of their group. The girls and most of the guys are talking amongst themselves, but Jake is standing slightly apart from them with Ryan next to him. Both of their gazes are fixed on me. Unfortunately, it’s just when the first of my tears begin to fall and I quickly whip my head back to face Sam, wiping my face furiously.

Jake’s by my side in a second, Ryan right beside him. “What’s wrong? Why are you crying?”

I shake my head. “Nothing’s wrong. I’m fine.”

“Becca?”

I turn to glance at Ryan. It’s the first thing he’s said to me in weeks and this is definitely the closest he’s been to me since we agreed to not speak. I quickly turn away from him. The last thing I want is him to know he was right about Charlie all along. I don’t need him gloating right now.

“Becs?”

That old nickname is nearly my undoing, but I don’t turn back to him. For some strange reason, I feel like if I look at Ryan, I won’t be able to hold it together. Instead, I blink rapidly trying to stop anymore tears from falling. “I’m fine,” I tell them through gritted teeth.

The bell rings and students up and down the hallway start making their way to class and Jake reluctantly leaves telling me that he’ll call me later.

“Do you wanna skip?” Sam asks me and it makes me want to hug her. Sam never skips, she cares too much to do that, but the fact that she’ll willingly do it for me makes me feel that little bit better.

“No. Let’s go to English,” and I turn and walk through Henderson’s door before either her or Ryan can say anything else.

I last all of ten minutes before I wish I hadn’t bothered with class. All I can think about is Charlie and the way he’s lied and cheated on me from the start. I can feel myself getting more and more worked up and I know that I need to get out of there.

I stand up abruptly. “May I be excused?” Henderson looks up from his desk in surprise, we’re supposed to be reading a passage in a book, “I’m really not feeling well,” I continue.

He looks at me for a couple of seconds and must see something in my face that stops him from questioning me. He nods and I quickly gather up my stuff and exit the classroom without bothering to wait for a hall pass.

I walk in a daze down the hallway, eyes down, unsure of where I’m even going. I can feel tears well in my eyes and I’m about to lose it. I make a quick detour down to my locker and throw it open, hiding my face inside it while the tears start to fall. I hear footsteps and I know that it’s Sam. She’s followed me out of English.