Four Doors Down(60)

“Hey.” It’s not Sam. It’s Ryan. I don’t know how he got out of class or why he’s here and I don’t move, but for some reason the sound of his voice sets me off and my shoulders start shaking violently with sobs while I try to make sure I don’t make any noise.

“Becca?” He’s standing next to me now and gently touches my arm. I can’t hold it in anymore and I let out the breath I’ve been holding, making a weird sobbing noise. I sound like I’m being strangled, but I can’t keep it in.

“What’s happened?”

I shrug and look down at the ground.

“Do you want to get out of here?”

I look up and find him looking down at me with concern. I nod slightly. I really don’t want to lose it any further at school. He nods quickly, reaches down and picks up my bag, closes my locker and wraps his arm around my shoulder, pulling me into his side. I stare at the ground as he quickly guides me to the nearest exit and out into the parking lot. We reach his car and he opens the passenger door for me. I slide in and stare at the floor while he climbs into the driver’s seat and quickly pulls out of the lot.

I stare at the floor the whole way back to his house, unable to stop the tears from falling. I see him glance over at me a couple of times from the corner of my eye, but he doesn’t say anything. We pull up outside his house and he comes around and again helps me out of the car, putting his arm around me and leading me into his house. We walk through the house until we get to his den and sink down onto the sofa there. He sits next to me but doesn’t say anything, waiting until I’m ready to speak. Finally, I seem to have it under control.

“Charlie has a girlfriend. An actual girlfriend of two years. So it’s not even like he’s been cheating on me. I’m the other woman.” It doesn’t feel real saying the words out loud and I can’t even look at Ryan, I’m so ashamed. I let out a big sigh. “What is wrong with me? How could I have been so stupid?” Ryan rests his hand on my knee and I look over at him.

“You didn’t do anything wrong here, Becs. He’s the jackass.”

“I really liked him, Ryan. Like really liked him.”

“I know.”

“And I slept with him, Ryan.” I’m back to looking at the floor. “I just gave it up to him like it was nothing after only a few weeks. And it wasn’t even that good. It hurt like hell and I had to leave right after ‘cause his parents were due home.” My voice cracks and I know I’m close to breaking down again. “I’m so stupid! I know guys don’t care about that sort of thing, but girls do, and it was supposed to be special.” This sets me off all over again and my body starts shaking with sobs.

Ryan shifts beside me, and I’m pretty sure I’ve just made him uncomfortable and he’s going to ask me to leave, but the next minute he’s slipped his hand under my knees and he’s picked me up so that I’m now sitting sideways on his knee. My right shoulder rests against his body with my head on his shoulder and my legs swung over to the other side. It should feel awkward as hell being this close to Ryan but somehow it doesn’t. Somehow it feels comfortable and totally natural, like if he stopped rubbing my back right now, I’d miss it.

We stay like this for maybe five minutes until I’ve calmed down. Then I sit up and wipe my eyes and turn to him. “Thanks.”

He’s looking at me closely. “Anytime.”

I smile at him. “Why are you being so nice to me? I’m such a bitch to you.”

He smiles good-naturedly and shrugs. “I usually deserve it.”

“I guess you were right about him after all.”

Ryan doesn’t break my gaze. “I’m sorry he’s hurt you, but I’m not sorry you’ve broken up.”

We’re both just sitting like this, with me on his knee, his arm resting on my back and we’re watching each other. My eyes scan his face and it’s like I’m seeing him for the first time and maybe it’s because I’ve just found out about Charlie, or maybe I’m just not thinking straight, but before I know it, I’m leaning forward and I’m kissing him.

And oh my God does it feel right.

He freezes for just a second before he reacts, pulling me into him and kissing me back with such force it actually makes me dizzy. We adjust ourselves so that as much of our bodies are pressed against each other as possible and my body reacts to him, wrapping my legs tighter around him. That’s right, somehow I’m now straddling Ryan. We’re both getting breathless, but we don’t stop. There’s something frantic about the way we’re kissing, something desperate about it. His hands are in my hair, on my back, and I’m grinding my hips into his groin.

Holy crap! Grinding my hips into his groin? I suddenly come to my senses. I am making out with Ryan, and if it carries on like this, it won’t end there. Ryan Jackson, the Ryan Jackson. The guy all the girls at school melt over, the guy who loves to embarrass me and humiliate me in any way possible. This would give him enough ammunition to last until the end of the year! I have got to move.

I break away suddenly, prying his hands off my hips and clambering off him.

“Oh my God, I’m sorry.”

Ryan looks up at me dazed, like he can’t quite figure out what’s going on. My heart is hammering so hard in my chest I’m sure he can hear it. “I am so, so sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I wasn’t thinking properly. Please don’t tell anyone,” I plead.