Second Chance(20)

It would be bad enough if it was all in the past, but Nate still craved this new version of Jack with his wrinkles and grey hairs, and his more serious demeanour with the sadness that still lingered around him.

“Nate?” Jack put a hand on his back and Nate shrugged it off.

“I couldn’t do it anymore,” he said bitterly, all the old pain flooding back as fresh as if it was yesterday. “I couldn’t keep pretending once you started talking about Jonathan all the time. It was too hard, and I didn’t want you to know how I felt because it was so humiliating being such a cliché. The girl who fell in love with her gay best friend who could never love her back.”

“God, Nate. I’m so sorry. I had no idea you felt like that.” Jack sounded broken. He touched Nate again tentatively, his hand sliding up Nate’s bicep to rest on his shoulder.

“It wasn’t your fault.” Nate rolled to face Jack, hoping that Jack couldn’t tell how raw he felt. Managing a weak smile, Nate said, “You couldn’t help being gay any more than I could help being born a girl.” His mouth was dry as he added, “Anyway. It’s all a long time ago now.”

There was a long pause while they stared at each other. “Do you ever wonder how different things would be if you’d known earlier?” Jack asked cautiously. “I mean… if you’d transitioned young like so many kids do these days?”

“All the time.” Nate sighed. “But I don’t want to wish my past away. If I’d known earlier then I wouldn’t have Cass.”

“I wonder what would have happened with us?”

Nate preferred not to think about that. “We’ll never know, will we?”

“Perhaps in a parallel universe we were more than friends.” Jack smiled softly. Yearning tugged at Nate’s chest. How many times had he thought the same? Jack reached out and put a hand on Nate’s cheek. Nate froze, his pulse beating a frantic staccato rhythm as Jack leaned closer, a new and unfamiliar heat in his eyes. “Maybe it’s not too late?”

He pressed a soft kiss to Nate’s lips. Nate felt warm tobacco-scented breath, and then the scratch of their stubble as Jack kissed him a little harder. So shocked at this development, Nate’s mouth was slack until he felt the touch of Jack’s tongue to his lips and then he groaned and kissed him back. Clutching at Jack, he tugged him closer as arousal swept through him in an exhilarating rush.

But then his rational brain kicked in. He wanted Jack badly, but he didn’t think he could handle a casual one-off with him. If they hooked up, it would be more than just sex for him, and that would make him vulnerable when he had no clue how Jack felt about anything.

“This is crazy.” He broke the kiss, putting a hand flat on Jack’s chest. “I don’t… we can’t… I need to go.” Scrambling away, Nate sat on the edge of the bed and started putting his shoes on.

“Shit. Nate. I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking… well I guess I was thinking with my dick and not my brain.”

“Don’t worry about it. Let’s just forget it happened.” He stood and turned to face Jack who’d got up. “I’m going to head home.”

Nate led the way downstairs with Jack following him. The silence was heavy between them. Desperate to get away and work out what the hell just happened, Nate opened the front door. “Thanks for the tea.”

“See you again soon?” Jack said.

“Yeah, sure.” Nate’s reply was automatic. He didn’t know if he could cope with seeing Jack again. Not after kissing him. He already half-regretted putting a stop to it. Where might it have ended if he hadn’t?

“Bye then,” Jack called after him as Nate hurried away into the night.





Six





The trouble was Jack didn’t want to forget the kiss had happened.

Once Nate had left, Jack lay on his bed listening to the music of his and Nate’s youth and cursed himself for being an impulsive idiot. He didn’t even have alcohol as an excuse for his behaviour.

His attraction to this new version of Nate was undeniable. But given their history, and given that they were tentatively rekindling their friendship, it had been stupid for Jack to hit on him—especially after what Nate had admitted to him. He was lonely, and still hurting from the break up with Miles, and rebounding onto Nate was a terrible idea. Jack needed a friend more than he needed a lover right now, and he didn’t want to ruin this new friendship with Nate before they even got it off the ground.

Jack was pretty sure Nate still fancied him though—given how he’d responded at first. But he’d been pretty quick to put a stop to it. Nate obviously had more sense than he did.

I’m sorry I made things weird, Jack texted a little later.

Nate didn’t reply before Jack fell asleep.



The next morning, Jack was woken by the buzz of his phone. Yawning, he reached for it, surprised to see it was past nine. He’d woken early as he usually did, but had managed to doze off again at some point.

There was a message from Nate on his screen.

Don’t worry about it.

At least Nate wasn’t ignoring him, but Jack still felt uneasy about how they’d left things. Nate had asked him to forget about it, but that was easier said than done. The moment when Nate had kissed him back kept replaying in Jack’s head leaving him frustrated and confused.