Present Perfect(33)

“I didn’t want you to know.”

“Why?”

He chuckled and shook his head. “The same reason why I never want you to know when I go out with a girl. Because I feel like I’m cheating on you, which is f*cking ridiculous because we’re not even together in the first place,” he said, as he let out a frustrated growl.

“Why her?”

“Because I didn’t have to work for it.”

“She thinks she’s in love with you, you know.”

Noah closed his eyes and tilted his head back towards the ceiling. As he straightened his neck, he looked at me. The pain and longing in his eyes made me ache.

“I’ll handle things with Beth,” he sighed heavily. “I don’t love her. You know that, right?” It sounded like he was pleading with me to believe him.

“What are you going to say to her?” I asked.

“I guess I’ll let her know I don’t feel the same way about her. That I never meant to lead her on. I’m not looking for anything permanent. If she’s okay with that, we can continue on.”

“What do you mean continue on?”

Noah let out another growl. He had one hand on the wall bracing himself while the other hand rested on his hip. “I have needs,” he said quietly.

“Needs? What kind of needs?”

“The kind a young man has.” Confusion plastered across my face. He looked over at me and waited a moment for it to register before becoming impatient. “I need to get laid.”

“You need to get laid?” My tone was condescending.

“I do.”

“You’re saying if she’s okay with your terms then you’ll f*ck her?”

“Yes.” He was grinding his teeth as his jaw began to twitch. I could see the anger change the stance of his body.

At that moment I became a complete mute. I didn’t know what to say. A thousand words ran through my head, but only one made its way out of my mouth. “Don’t.”

“Don’t what?” he asked.

“Don’t have sex with Beth. Don’t date Beth.”

We stood, facing each other, staring, neither one of us wanting to be the first to blink. It looked like a western standoff.

“I don’t even know why we’re having this conversation.” He was getting angrier. “What difference does it make to you? You made your choice. You and I are just friends.” He spit venom with his last sentence.

“Just friends? Don’t say it like that,” I whispered.

“We don’t have to ask each other’s permission on who we can date.” He sounded cold, emotionless.

My throat was beginning to burn from trying to hold my sobs in. I swallowed hard a couple of times, feeling the tears pooling in my eyes. He was slipping away from me a little more. Noah watched as my body reacted to his words. I don’t know why I kept goading him. I should have just left right then.

“You’re planning on doing more than having a date night with her,” I said.

He turned his back to me, ran both hands across his face, and through his hair. He dropped his hands to his side as they fisted. Suddenly he rammed one fist into the wall in front of him and yelled. “GOD DAMMIT!!!!”

I startled. His outburst jump started my tears. Turning back toward me, his eyes pierced mine. Speaking slowly in a low voice through gritted teeth, he said, “Yes, I plan to f*ck her, screw her, bang her, be balls deep in…”

“SHUT UP!!” My sobs were coming at a rapid pace now. I could barely get my words out. “PLEASE DON’T DO IT, NOAH! PLEASE!”

“WHY NOT?!”

“BECAUSE YOU’RE MINE!” I screamed at him through my sobs.

My eyes were so blurry from my tears I didn’t see him cross the room toward me. The next thing I knew I felt the wall against my back. Noah’s mouth was at my ear.

“Then why don’t you f*cking take me and stop this bullshit you keep putting us through? You’re going to tell me you’re okay with my hands running up and down her body? Touching her ass and tits. You’re okay with my tongue licking every inch of her? You’re okay knowing that while you’re over in your bed, I’ll be over here sliding into her, when we both know it should be you?”

My body began to convulse. The pain from hearing him say those words overpowered me. Tiny piece by tiny piece I shattered until I was completely broken. He stepped back allowing me to drift down the wall to the floor. I don’t know how long I stayed that way. Noah had left the room, not saying another word to me, and never came back.

I pulled myself together enough to get up off the floor. My body was sore from the ordeal. My legs felt weak, but stable. My hand trembled slightly as I placed it on the doorknob. I hesitated for a moment, and thought about going to look for him, but there was nothing left to say.





They say the human body is made up of seventy percent water. Today I have expelled sixty-nine point nine percent through tears and snot. Sobbing uncontrollably is not a very pretty or

lady like thing to do.

The only thought I had in my head was, “What the f*ck just happened?”

I had been lying in my bed for almost an hour and I still couldn’t wrap my head around what took place at Noah’s house. I had never seen him that angry or heartbroken. He had never talked to me that way before. I couldn’t blame him for being so angry with me. I knew I had no right telling him who he could date. I just couldn’t bear the thought of someone else having that part of him.