One Night to Risk It All(51)

She’d have to be happy with what she got, because she was the one who’d made the decision not to make decisions. And he shouldn’t care if it “looked like Rachel” or not.

It didn’t matter. All that mattered was that the wedding happened, and quickly.

It was all about to begin. It was, in fact, time for him to head down there. He opened the door and started down the hall.

This was it. The final piece to keep her with him.

Because she made him feel new. She made him feel like he was something other than his blood. She made him feel like a man who was loved.

And he needed that. He needed her.

He went down the stairs and threw open the front doors of the mansion, striding down the walk and toward the beach. He made his way down the aisle, ignoring the head turns of the guests. People he didn’t know. All of them were Rachel’s guests.

Because no one was here for him. He brought nothing in terms of connections or friendships to the marriage. He had no friends. He had clients. He had enemies.

He had Rachel.

And that was all.

She had friends. She had a family who loved her. A lightness to her, that even with her pain and vulnerability seemed to shine through.

She was good. And that wasn’t something that could ever be said about him. There was a reason no one had ever loved him.

A large rock settled in the pit of his stomach, growing heavier with each step. Making each step a challenge.

And as he stood there at the head of the aisle he scanned the crowd, and his eyes met with those of Ajax Kouros. Sitting in the front row, by himself, his wife likely gone to wait with Rachel.

Ajax looked very like their father. It was a blessing in Alex’s mind that he himself did not.

He wondered if they looked very much like brothers to a disinterested party. He thought he might see some similarities. The same jaw. The same chin. Ajax’s eyes were dark, while Alex had his mother’s eyes.


But as he stood there, a sick, horrifying feeling washed over him.

Ajax had their father’s eyes. Their father’s love. A love that Alex shouldn’t have wanted, but that he did want. Because he’d wanted someone’s love. Anyone’s. And Ajax had the love of so many. His wife, his father-in-law. He had a family. He had friends.

Alex was alone.

Alex, who was conniving to trap this woman, this loving beautiful woman, into a marriage that would offer her so very little.

The way his father had kept his mother in the compound. On a leash made of drug addiction and a terrifying, unhealthy love.

Alex was no better. He had used a woman’s body in a bid for revenge. And now he was tying her to him when he knew he could give her nothing but his anger, nothing but the black, wicked blood in his veins.

As he saw Ajax sitting there, Alex saw nothing more than a man. Not a monster, not a demon.

No, the demon had never been in Ajax. The demon had always been within Alex. It was the thing he feared, the thing he hated. And it was him.

That was why no one loved him. Why his mother had taken death over a life with him.

It had always been him.

He took a step back down the aisle. And another. And another, until he was walking away from the beach, back toward the house.

He stumbled inside and closed both doors behind him. And he looked up and saw Rachel coming down the stairs, with her sister, Leah, trailing behind, helping with the train of her gown.

She looked like an angel. All in white, the gentle rounding of her stomach highlighted by the soft, flowing fabric. Her blond hair was in loose curls, a halo of gold that made him ache. Made him hate the man who had taken her innocence and used it in his games.

Hate himself. More than he had ever hated Ajax. More than he had ever hated his father.

More even than he’d hated his mother as he’d watched the blood drain from her body, as he’d watched her steal herself from him.

Why would anyone ever love the creature he was? His mother must have known, even then, what he was. She had been able to love Kouklakis, but she’d never been able to love Alex. Had killed herself rather than face life away from the compound. Rather than face a life with just herself and Alex.

If there was anything more telling he didn’t know what it was.

I would have saved you. He’d wept that day. So hard. Without hope. I would have given you everything.

It had never mattered. Because he wasn’t enough. He would never be enough.

“I need to talk to you,” he said.

She blinked. “What about? Is everything okay?”

“We need to talk, Rachel.”

“Okay. Leah, can you give us a moment?”

Her sister nodded and headed back up the stairs, giving him a hard look that let him know she wasn’t overly impressed with him. Well, she would be even less impressed after this. But it didn’t matter. None of it mattered. He had just had a look in the mirror for the first time, so to speak, and he’d confirmed what the deep, clawing ache in him had always hinted at. No one hated him more than he did.

Except for maybe Rachel. But she would hate him even more if he subjected her to a lifetime of him.

“I am not marrying you,” he said.

“What?”

“You heard me,” he said. “I am not marrying you today.”

“Why the hell not? I have a dress. We have a marriage license. What in the world is wrong with you?”