One Night to Risk It All(54)

“No. I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay. I think I love him still.”

“Yeah, I know how that goes. It’s the worst.”

Ajax walked into the room then, looking handsome, as he always did, in dark slacks and a white shirt. She could see it now that she looked at him—his vague resemblance to Alex. But he didn’t have those eyes. Or that wicked sparkle.

Well, he did a little bit when he looked at Leah. And that made her happy. Because this was, by far, the happiest and most carefree she’d ever seen Ajax.

“What’s the worst?”

“You were,” Leah said. “You know, when we almost got divorced.”

“Yes,” he agreed, his tone overly serious. Typical Ajax. “I was the worst.”

“Hey, Jax,” Rachel said.


“Yes?”

“Did you say anything to Alex at the wedding?”

“No,” he said, frowning. “But you have to know, I never trusted him. I’m sadly not surprised by the outcome.”

“But I am. I spent months with him. I was... He was my lover. We’re having a baby. I felt like I knew him better than that and none of this really makes sense to me. So maybe he was that good of an actor. Or maybe there’s a little more to all of this than it seems. So I thought I would ask.”

“He didn’t say anything. He...looked at me, but unless he has some sort of unrequited longing for me, I don’t see how that’s valid.”

“Yeah, that’s not his problem. Trust me.”

She laid her head back down on the couch.

“Another movie?” Leah asked, her tone pitying. Good. Rachel deserved pity. She was alone. And with child.

“Yes. And cake. Is there cake?”

Ajax gave her a look that mirrored his wife’s. “I’ll get you some.”

She took a deep breath and stared at the TV, not really absorbing what was happening. She was miserable. She was in love with a man who didn’t deserve her love. A man who needed love like a flower in the desert needed water.

Alex was drying up inside. Dying. And he wouldn’t get help. He was determined to embrace all that anger and push everyone who cared about him away.

And yeah, he’d really messed her life up and it felt horrible. But he’d done some good things for her, too. And maybe rather than melting she should try and remember it.

She put her thumbnail in her mouth and started gnawing on it. “You know, Leah, I don’t really want to watch a movie.”

“Do you still want cake?”

“Yes, oh yes, I want cake.”

“Good. Cake you shall have. What do you want to do?”

“Talk maybe?” Rachel asked. “I think...I think we spent too many years not talking.”

“My fault, Rach, really,” Leah said, frowning. “I was lusting after your man. That made things hard.”

Rachel shook her head. “Sure, there’s that. But...if we were closer, wouldn’t I have noticed?”

“I don’t know. But I’m not in the mood to blame you for it. Anyway, Ajax and I worked out. So it’s fine.”

“I was supposed to make sure I wasn’t a bad influence on you, you know.”

Leah laughed. “You? A bad influence on me? You’re so sweet and...sweet. And I’m not. Never have been.”

“Well, I wasn’t for a while.” She thought of drunk nights in clubs. Driving too fast. “I was a pretty big partier for a while. But you were a kid. You wouldn’t remember. Dad was always on hand to cover up for me. Mom was always on hand to disapprove.”

“You had a secret life!” Leah said. “I’m truly impressed.”

“Don’t be. I was an idiot. See, this is why they wouldn’t let me tell you! You’re easily influenced.”

Leah laughed again and Rachel couldn’t help laughing in return, until she was almost breathless with it, the need for something other than sadness and anger taking over and hijacking her emotions until she was almost in hysterics.

Leah followed suit until they’d both slid to the floor, laughing. Over nothing and everything. Rachel wiped her eyes and looked at her sister, another giggle surging through her.

“I guess if I can laugh for a little bit... Hey, it’s a start, right?”

Leah cleared her throat. “Yeah, Rach, it’s a start.”

Rachel smiled, a feeble attempt. Yes, it was a start. But she had a feeling the road to getting over Alex was longer than she could possibly imagine. She had a feeling the wounds would get cut open, raw and fresh again every time she looked at their child.

Especially if that child ended up with those beautiful, wicked blue eyes...

She hoped they wouldn’t. And she hoped they would.

For now she would take a couple hours of distraction. Her broken heart was going to take a long time to heal, but at least she had her sister. She could spend some time with Leah, doing her best to forget her pain.

* * *

Alex hated having to get dressed. Lying around his apartment, drunk and in his underwear, was about his speed lately. But here he was, shaven and showered and wearing a suit. Because he had business to see to.

Business that involved a man who would very likely kill him on sight. But at least then there would be an end to the hell he’d been living in. Death seemed like a pretty serene option, all things considered.