One Night to Risk It All(56)

Alex almost choked. “I...I’m not certain.”

“Love is the thing that changed me,” he said. “From Joseph Holt, to Leah, love was what truly healed me. It wasn’t money or power. It wasn’t vengeance. I didn’t deserve it, either, but when I accepted it...that was when I changed. Think about it. Think about what love really is.”

“I will.”

“I hope you do. I really mean that.”

Alex walked out of the office and down the hall, numb as he stepped into the elevator. Love. He was in love. A lot of good it did anyone.

He let out a roar of frustration and hit his fist on the button panel of the elevator, swearing roundly when it lit up several more buttons that signaled he would be taking a few more stops than he wanted on his way down to the lobby.

He leaned back against the wall, his heart pounding so hard he thought he might be having a medical crisis.

Was it so simple? Just loving and trusting that love would make it all right? That it would bring forgiveness for everything that had happened? That it would stay? Could he truly have it, finally? The thing he’d craved his whole life?

Was it so simple to just say, “I love you, and I’m a mess and you deserve better? But please love me anyway”?

Would love light the way and keep him from going back into darkness? Would it make him a man deserving of that perfect, beautiful woman?

He pictured Rachel’s face. Her beautiful smile.

Yes. Dammit. Yes. It would be enough.

He would never be worthy of her. Ever. She deserved a man who was whole. A man who would never dream of seducing a woman to get revenge on an enemy.

He wasn’t that man. But he would let her cry, let her feel, and he would listen to her sing off key. He would hold her close at night and he would change their baby’s diapers, because he wanted to be with her, and to share everything in this new, amazing life that he’d never once imagined he might have.

The elevator stopped. Fifth floor, of all the stupid things.

Then it stopped again.

And again.

Finally he was at the lobby, and by the time he was out on the street, he was sprinting. He was going to get Rachel. And he would beg if he had to.

But he had to take a chance.

Otherwise, all of his houses, his island, every cent of his money, wouldn’t matter. Gaining all the world didn’t matter if he lost the one thing he truly needed.

* * *

“Where is your dang ice cream, Leah Kouros?” Rachel muttered, rummaging through the freezer. “Why does your stupid candy company not make ice cream?” Unfortunately, her sister was down at Leah’s Lollies today and was not in the apartment to hear Rachel cursing her name over her lack of frozen treats.

The front door opened and Rachel straightened. Maybe her angry mutterings had summoned Leah.

“I’m in here! How is it you have all this sugar and no ice cream? Answer me that.”

“I don’t know.”

She turned around and dropped the spoon she was holding. It clattered on the tile floor, the sound ringing through the silence.

“Alex,” she breathed. She felt like she was going to fall over. Felt like she’d been sucker punched. She hadn’t seen him in nearly a month.

She put her hand on her stomach. Five months in and she was definitely looking her condition these days. “What are you doing here?”

His eyes dropped to where her hand was resting, a strange expression on his face. “Your body has changed.”

“I’m pregnant,” she said, “that happens. Especially since things are going well.”

“They are?”

“Yes.”

He let out a long breath. “I am relieved to hear it. Beyond relieved.”

“I didn’t think you cared.”

“I’m a liar,” he said, his words rough. “I care...Rachel, I mourn the changes in your body that I’ve missed. That it happened without me here. I should have been with you all this time. I should have been here. I should have...I should have been your husband.”

“It was your choice not to be,” she said, bending to pick up the spoon. “You were the one who walked back down the aisle and left me to explain why there wasn’t going to be a wedding.” She slammed the spoon onto the counter. “You made that decision. And then you told me it was your plan from the beginning. To use me. Because I was just a pawn to you. A pawn like I’ve been to everyone else. Except this was worse because with you I was honest. I told you how I felt, Alex. I showed you who I was and you took that and you abused it.”

“I lied to you,” he said.

“You what?”

“I lied to you because... Rachel, I got up there and I looked out in the crowd and I saw Ajax sitting there. And I knew...I hated him so much because of who I thought he was, but for some reason being up there and seeing him, my brother, made me see myself clearly for the first time. I hated what I saw. A man who used you. A man who contrived to trap you with him, even when he knew he had no hope of ever being all the things you deserved. A man who would hold you to him using any means, even your love against you. I saw myself in that moment. I saw that I was a man whose own mother couldn’t love him and that she was right not to. I—” He took a deep, shaking breath. “I couldn’t allow you to go through with it. Because everything that happened between us was so manipulated by me. Including your feelings. You say you love me...but that’s because you’re having my baby. Because you spent a few idyllic months on a private island with me.”