Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(35)

She blushed. “Well, the lifestyle has fascinated me from the moment I read my first BDSM romance novel a few years ago. You have a Dominant and a submissive usually, although there are other combinations. Generally, the Dom or Top acts upon the submissive or bottom, who receives the action.”

“Might I ask which of those roles you see yourself in?”

“Oh, the Dominant, of course.”

“Is that so?” From what he’d observed of Megan he questioned her self-assessment, but she wouldn’t be the first submissive whose judgment was clouded by the way she dominated the rest of her world. All of the subs he’d known had been very dominant in their businesses, even their homes. But in the bedroom?

He’d love to know about her orientation—but had no intention of finding out.

She went on trying to convince him she knew. “I like being in control of everything. It’s why I plan to be an independent photographer rather than work for someone else. It’s also why I chose to apprentice during college to prepare for my career. And—

Ryder shook his head.

“You don’t believe me?”

“Actions speak more loudly than words.”

“What kind of proof do you need?”

“I don’t need to know one way or the other. Just keep your options open in case you ever find a safe and experienced Dom to work with.”

Why did the thought of her being with another Dom bother him? She sure as hell shouldn’t learn about kink from him. Well, it couldn’t hurt to talk about it, he supposed.

“Kink can be fun. My ex-wife and I enjoyed some bedroom kink in our relationship. It can spice things up for sure.”

“Only in the bedroom?”

He drew a breath while trying to decide how much he wanted to say about that relationship. “At first. Back when we first began to play, I had no idea how to be a Dom. We tried a few things I’d heard about from the guys I served with, but I was in over my head in no time. Some of my buddies knew about a club in LA where I eventually was mentored by an authentic Dom.”

She learned toward him and propped her chin on her palm. “What kinds of things did you learn there?”

Her wide-eyed innocence had him wishing they’d branched off on an entirely different discussion tonight. How the hell had they gotten onto this subject anyway?

“I don’t think you need to know.”

“Oh, sorry. I didn’t mean to pry if it’s hard to talk about her.”

Hell, he wasn’t finding it difficult to talk about his ex. His feelings for her were long dead and buried. But someone with Megan’s curiosity and willfulness might go looking in all the wrong places for the Dom of her dreams. She’d probably wind up hurt, or worse. There were too many * posers out there, and it only seemed to be getting worse thanks to the media’s clueless and irresponsible reporting.

Which is exactly why I should talk to her. Maybe I can use the opportunity to test her knowledge and make sure her information doesn’t get her killed.

“It’s not that I can’t talk about my ex. I just don’t see any point in having this conversation. Save discussion and negotiation for when you become serious about someone.”

“Sorry. Just curious.” She glanced down at her plate before meeting his gaze again. “You’re the first person I’ve met who actually has any experience in the lifestyle, so I thought I’d ask some questions.”

“Everyone’s kink is different. Knowing what I’m into probably isn’t going to help you down the road. Just promise me you won’t do anything stupid like go to a Dom’s house for a first date.”

“Of course I wouldn’t! I’m not even looking for a Dom. I just thought…” She leaned closer to him, lowering her voice to a husky whisper. “I hear there is great freedom in allowing yourself to be restrained by someone you trust. You’ve been locked up inside your head and your body for so long—”

“Whoa! Being the bottom or submissive isn’t my kink.”

“Have you tried it?”

“Only while being trained to use new techniques or toys. A Dom doesn’t try anything that hasn’t been tried on him first so he knows what his submissive is experiencing. But that was enough for me to know I’m a Top, not a bottom.”

“You know you can trust me. Perhaps things have changed for you since you trained as a Dom.”

Had they ever, but the thought of relinquishing control to anyone enough to be restrained, well, no f*cking way. “Sorry, Red. You’re barking up the wrong tree.” Change the focus of this conversation back where it should be. “But I’d bet dollars to doughnuts you’re more submissive than Dominant.”

“Maybe I just like the idea of playing games in bed and won’t care if I’m on the giving or receiving end.” She winked at him.

“And just how many times have you played in bed with a man?”

Her smiled faded, and she sat back in her chair. “Touché.”

Damn, he didn’t mean to hurt her feelings.

He was going to kick himself in the morning for this, but at least she’d leave here knowing if she was a Top, a bottom, or maybe even a switch who enjoyed both ends of kink. “If you’d like to try a little experiment—one that doesn’t involve a bed—I think we can quickly determine which side of the BDSM coin you’re on.”