Nobody's Lost (Rescue Me Saga #5)(38)

“I’m not afraid. I feel protected. Safe. Almost euphoric.”

“Continue to listen to your body. Trust your instincts. Take another deep breath.” She did so, shakier this time from some deep emotion welling up inside.

“Does this mean I’m submissive?”

She heard the smile in his voice. “Yes, I think it does. How does that make you feel?”

“Surprised. A little confused.”

“I’m going to release you now. Think you can stand on your own?”

She nodded, but when he began to loosen his grip on her hair, tremors shook her body.

“Shhh. I’ve got you. Let’s just hold this position a little longer, until you’re ready for me to release you.”

Her heart pounded against his arm. Could he feel it beating?

“Please, Ryder. Don’t release me. Show me more.”

His hand lowered from her hair, and her knees buckled. He held onto the ropes binding her arms and kept her from falling. “Whoa, there!” He lifted her into his arms. She didn’t know where they were going, but didn’t care either, as long as he stayed with her. She closed her eyes and leaned against his shoulder.

He laid her down on a mattress. She opened her eyes and stared into his eyes. He seemed as confused as she about what had just happened.

Out of the corner of her eye, she realized she was in the guest bedroom and not his bed. Disappointed and a little afraid he was going to go, she tried to grab for his shirt, but her arms being bound made that impossible. “Don’t leave me!”

“I would never leave you alone in bindings.” When he began removing the bindings, she knew for certain this experiment was over. “You’re going to need to process what just happened, and I won’t let you do that alone, either.”

Then he wasn’t leaving her alone tonight? He met her gaze. “But we aren’t having sex. We’re both going to remain fully clothed. I need…I want to hold you until you come to terms with that scene in the other room.”

Ryder reached down to remove her shoes and then took off his own. He walked around the end of the bed and crawled into the other side where he stretched out and turned toward her.

“Come here, Baby. Let me hold you.”

She liked being called baby, which surprised her. She wouldn’t have permitted any other man to refer to her that way. She’d always prided herself in being treated as an equal by men. So why did being called baby sound so endearing and sexy when he said it?

She blinked rapidly at the sting in her eyes and scooted closer to him. Unable to face him with the threat of tears in her eyes, she turned her back to him, and he spooned her, wrapping his arm around her waist and holding her closer.

His hand moved to her hair, and he stroked it. “What are you thinking?”

“That I’m not going to cry in front of you.”

“Thanks for being honest, if that’s something you didn’t want to show me, but if you need to cry, then cry.” He stroked her hair, but she refused to give in to tears. “Tell me what you’re feeling now.”

“That I don’t want this moment to end. That I want you to keep holding me this way forever.”

“You know I can’t do that.”

“Can’t or won’t?”

“Both. A good Dom does no harm to his submissive, and I would do great harm if I let anything grow between us.”

“Oh, Ryder. I wish you could see yourself the way I do.”

His hand stilled. “How is that?”

“Nurturing, gentle, strong. A warrior who hasn’t been able to leave the war behind him yet. Someone who would lay down his life for what’s right. A man who—”

“Enough.”

“I could go on.”

“I figured, but you don’t know me well enough to know what kind of man I really am.”

“I knew you well enough to trust you in the other room.”

“You were foolish to let a near-stranger do that to you.”

“I trusted my instincts. You’ve never done anything to harm me despite a number of opportunities where you could have while we were staying at my brother’s condo. Besides, it’s not as if you lured me up here or brought me against my will. I was the one who decided we would come up to this isolated house. If I had any inkling you might have nefarious thoughts in mind, do you think I would be here?”

“I imagine there are a lot of dead women who thought the same thing before some serial killer offed them.”

“Can we change the subject?”

“That might be a good idea.”

Even though he wanted to distance himself from her, he didn’t pull away. The caregiver in him was as strong as the warrior. If only he could lay down his armor for a little while he might discover a newfound strength and peace.

“Would you…touch me? You already know I like to…pleasure myself. But I want to know what it feels like to have a man touch me there instead.”

His body grew stiff, just like the erection pressing against her butt. Oh, no! Had she just gone bratty, telling him what to do? She adored the bratty subs in the Shadowlands club she loved reading about, but wasn’t sure that’s what Doms liked.

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to be bratty.”