Losing Me, Finding You(52)

“Don't go there, Sawyer. Just don't.”

“I f*cking love you, Austin!” she screams, standing up on her tiptoes and forcing her lips against mine. When I don't respond, she pulls away and lets out a guttural growl that draws Gaine from the bathroom in an angry flurry. When he sees me, he just stops and covers his junk with his hands. I barely look at him. “I've … I've loved you forever. Why can't you see that?”

“Mireya … ” I start, but she isn't listening. She's pacing the floor now.

“Is it this little white bitch? Do you love her?”

Mireya stops and stares at me, and I've got nothin' comforting to say except, “Not yet.” She scoffs at me.

“Not yet? Not f*cking yet? Well, how long does it take, Austin, because you and I have been together for ten years and you don't love me. Why is this girl any different?” I have nothing to say to that, so I keep my damn mouth shut.

“Maybe you should go,” Gaine tells me gently, putting a hand on my shoulder. I shrug it off. This is between me and Mireya, and I don't like anybody, anybody, butting in to my business.

“Mireya, try to calm down.”

She whirls to face me, eyes burning with fury.

“Out,” she snarls, spitting on the floor and not caring that we're indoors. “Out, out, get out and don't ever come back. Go run back to your new bitch. If you manage to come back to your senses, come find me. Until then, I don't even want to see your friggin' face.”



Chapter 39

When I finally wake, the sky is pale and the light is weak. It's morning. I sit up when I notice that Austin is gone and wrap my arms around my bare chest. I can feel a phantom warmth along my skin, like maybe he slept alongside me for most of the night. I smile and close my eyes against a flood of images. I can't believe I had sex on the back of a motorcycle. In the middle of the country. With no condom. I shiver and reach a hand between my legs. It's still moist there, like my body can't get enough of Austin and wants to be ready for him. Or maybe that's his seed, spilling out of me, I'm not sure. What I do know is how good it felt to have him bursting inside of me, filling me.

I fling my feet out of bed to break the thoughts off, certain that I'll never be able to function if I keep imagining Austin and me tangling together in the heat of the afternoon. As soon as I put my full weight on my legs, they start to quiver and I have to put a hand out on the wall to steady myself. Wow. Thank you, Austin Sparks, I think as I force my aching body towards the bathroom. Going from virgin to … nympho in a few, short days has made me so sore down there that it pulses when I move. Which in turn makes me horny. Which in turn makes me think about Austin … I shake my head and pause when I see a note taped to the door of the bathroom.

The writing that's scrawled across it is long and loopy and drawn out, kind of like that Southern drawl Austin gave me yesterday, put on paper. I smile.

Got some work to take care of, sugar. Your new cell's on the dresser. It's got all of Triple M's members in the contacts. See ya at sunset. Austin.

I peel the note off and rub the paper between my thumb and forefinger before turning around and setting it down next to a small wad of cash and a cell phone. My very first cell phone to be exact. Twenty-one years old, born in the height of the digital age and I'm only now losing my mobile device virginity. I wonder what Christy would say if she knew. I stare at the screen for a moment and know exactly what it is that I need to do.

I dial her number by heart and wait naked in Austin's hotel room, heart pounding, feeling like a different person inside than the one I was a few days ago.

“Hello?” Christy answers on a whimper. I can hear the tears in her voice with just that one word, and it makes me sick to my stomach.

“Christy, it's me.”

Silence.

“Christy?”

“What do you want, Amy?” I take a deep breath and try to understand where she's coming from. I didn't tell her the truth, and I left, just disappeared. I left her behind and I deserve whatever it is that she wants to throw at me. I try to perk up my voice, to pretend that things are normal even though it's pretty obvious to both of us that they're not.

“I just wanted to tell you that I was safe. I'm in a city called St. Marlin's and it – ”

“I don't care, Amy,” she says, sniffling. “I really don't.” She pauses and the silence stretches heavy between us. “Amy, I … ” Another pause. “Amy, I'm … ” Christy stops talking. “I've got to go. Bye.” And then she hangs up on me, leaving me even more confused than I already was. Something's going on with her, and I'm not there to figure it out, to give her a shoulder to cry on. I tear up suddenly and have to blink back the wetness before it overwhelms me. I've been gone less than forty-eight hours and already, I miss her like crazy. As Sali Bend would say, Men come and go, but best friends are irreplaceable.

With a sigh, I set the phone down, grab a pair of clean jeans and a white T-shirt and hit the shower. By the time I get out, I'm starving, so I throw my new jacket on my shoulders and my best boots on my feet. When I step into the hallway, I run straight into Gaine. He looks like he's having about as nice a day as I am.

“Amy,” he says, smiling with thin lips. His forehead looks tight and the bruises on his face are a sickly green color that make him look an awful lot like a zombie. “Off to lose yourself?” I blink at him.