Losing Me, Finding You(53)

“Pardon?” Gaine laughs and tilts his head to the side.

“You look like you need to lose yourself, am I right?” I smile back at him.

“Maybe you're speaking from your own needs, Mr. Kelley? Would you like to lose yourself?” He laughs at me and shakes his head, running a hand through his dark hair.

“I think you're right Miss Cross. I'm projecting all over you, just don't tell Austin.”

“As long as you promise to finish the story about the badger,” I tell him as he hooks his arm through mine. I'm glad I ran into Gaine. I like him, and he seems like a trustworthy sort of man. I suppose that it's better to hang out with him than by myself. I wonder what Austin will think. He didn't seem too thrilled about seeing us together the night before last. I wonder why.

“Nah, that story's so tired,” Gaine says as he leads me down the hallway and into the elevator. “Let's talk about something else. You, for example. Why the long face?”

“Tell me about yours and I'll tell you about mine,” I say and he snorts, rubbing at the broken heart tattoo on his shoulder absently, like it's a habit he's developed over time, a way to think more clearly. Mama has a habit like that. She likes to twirl her charm bracelet around her wrist when she needs time to gather her thoughts. I think about her for a moment and realize that I don't miss her. Not yet. I can only assume that I will later, but I know that it'll be nothing like the pain I'll feel if Christy refuses to talk to me again.

“Tou-f*cking-ché,” Gaine says, proving he's got a mouth as dirty as Austin's. “Well, I guess if we can't talk about ourselves, we could talk about other people behind their backs. That always makes for a good time.” We exit the elevator and move through the lobby and out the front doors, into the beautiful sunshine. She's shameless this time of year, always there, always naked and bright and beautiful. I'd be lying if I didn't say I envied her a little, but then, who doesn't respect the sun? It's the center of the universe, after all.

“Austin,” I blurt without having to think about it. I want – no, need – to know more about him. Before he burns me up from the inside out and consumes me, I have to know. It's a necessity, like air or water or food. “What's he running away from?”

Gaine sighs and shakes his head, looking down at the hot pavement below our feet. I watch the small chains on his boots rattle as we walk.

“That's a complicated question there, Miss Cross. There are two answers to that, and I only know one of them.”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning that he's got a past and a pretty piss poor future. I'm not sure which is worse.” I perk up, intrigued.

“You mean the things he does for Kent?”

“Exactly,” Gaine says, guiding me gently to a café across the street with tables situated in the cool shade of an old building. Every person there has a sweating glass of iced tea or lemonade in their hands, making my throat feel tight with thirst. I spent so much time making love – er, f*cking – yesterday that I forgot to eat or drink.

I grab the nearest table and sit down, snatching the menu up in greedy hands.

“But, see, that's the part I don't f*cking know about. I … ” Gaine pauses and his eyes get glassy like he's far, far away from here. “I know what Kent wants me to do, and if it's anything like what he's asking of Austin, it can't be good. I think the man's been skating on God's good graces for the past decade. How long until his luck runs out?” Gaine's talking but not to me, not really. He's speaking his own thoughts aloud, thoughts that have been brewing for a while, way before I ever came into the picture.

A waitress in a pink sundress comes to take our drink order and snaps Gaine out of his trance. He orders a beer and me, a sweet tea. I am a Southern girl at heart, you know.

“But his past,” I inquire, taking a sip of my drink as soon as it arrives. Gaine chugs his bottle and orders another immediately. He leans back so far in his chair that I'm afraid he's going to fall over and crack his head open on the pavement, but I say nothing, slipping my jacket off my shoulders and letting it hang on the back of my chair.

“Well … ” Gaine looks unsure, like maybe he thinks he shouldn't be telling me this. I wave my hand dismissively and try to smile. Austin didn't seem to want to talk about his past yesterday, so who am I to go snooping? I feel ashamed for even trying.

“Back to the badger story?” I say, but Gaine's face stays dark, the skin around his eyes crinkling as he nurses his beer.

“I think he'd want me to tell you.”

“Why?” I ask as Gaine sets his drink down with a groan, rubbing at his arm like it hurts somethin' fierce.

“Because he's a Goddamn *.”

I jump and try to pretend that I don't notice all the eyes around us swinging inward and focusing on my companion's face.

“Oh?” Austin seems pretty brave to me, not at all like a … a *, but Gaine knows him better, so I don't protest. I cross my ankles neatly beneath the table before I realize that my mother isn't there to chastise me. I cross one leg over the other and lean back, not as far as Gaine but just enough that my hair hangs over the back and gets caught in the breeze.

“I'm not a very good storyteller,” Gaine says, prefacing his next words with this statement. In my head, I substitute once upon a time. “So, uh, before Kent picked Austin up for Triple M, he was a little punk. He liked to rob small businesses, convenience stores and shit.” I blink at Gaine and am not sure what to say. Austin Sparks, a petty thief? He seems so … put together. Strong. Powerful. Even dare I say, moralistic. But in a good way, of course, not like my father.