If I Only Knew(37)

I stand there, watching him walk away, wanting to say so much, but I don’t. If we end things like this, there will be no confusion. He shouldn’t care what I think at this point. He’s already made it clear that he has no desire for any relationship. Whatever this is, it’s insignificant to him. I can’t be that to anyone. If I give the little piece of my heart that’s left and he breaks it, then what?

I have to think about my kids, their future, and the fact that I need my position.

He reaches his car and our eyes lock. Then he shakes his head and gets inside. When Milo’s car backs up and I can no longer see the tail lights, a tear falls.

I’m only fooling myself if I think I don’t care about what just happened. The remaining piece of my heart is already hurting.





“Good morning, Mrs. Bergen. I have your call sheet along with some files you need to review. Would you like me to leave them here?” Milo asks.

I’ve been dreading this moment. To the point that I almost called out sick today. That’s how much the idea of seeing him after Saturday night upset me.

All day Sunday, I thought about calling him. He did nothing wrong and I treated him as though he had. I asked him to kiss me and then pushed him away. Now, I need to apologize and find a way for us to work together.

“Milo,” I say his name and he looks at me with a hardness I haven’t seen before.

“Was there anything else you needed?”

“I think we should talk.”

He huffs. “There’s no need. I have nothing to say.”

“Well, I do,” I counter.

Milo stands against the door with his arms crossed. “Does it pertain to business?”

“Yes. Come in and take a seat.”

I can see how much he hates this right now. My being his boss and since he’s so adamant about not talking about anything personal, this is torture for him.

“Did we get the approval from Darren yet?” I ask. Darren called to explain there was an emergency and he couldn’t meet. Now we’re back to waiting again.

“No.”

“Have you reached out to the city to follow up?”

“Yes.”

Great, we’re on one-word answers. Time to step it up. “All right, how did the call go?”

Milo smirks. “Fine.”

My anger starts to boil. “What did he say?”

“Nothing.”

I might kill him. “Are you serious? You’re really going to act like this?”

“I’m going to be having a long lunch with the owner of Dovetail today to discuss my future with the company.”

Oh. “Okay then. So you mean to tell me you’re going to have lunch with your brother?” I’m stunned. I don’t know what to say. I knew he was upset with what happened, but Milo has never treated me so coldly.

“Yes.”

Seriously, I hate him right now.

“Are we not going to talk about the other night?”

Milo looks up from the papers on his lap, his expression stone faced. I’m not going to give in. He’s acting like a child, and I’m trying to be an adult here. It doesn’t have to be this way.

I wait.

And wait.

And Milo doesn’t move.

With each second that passes, I think of a different way to make his life miserable.

“Stop already!” I crack.

“Stop what?”

“This! This whole ‘I don’t care’ attitude and one-word answers with me. I’m sorry I freaked out okay? I’m still trying to get my shit together and I got scared. I never wanted to hurt your feelings, Milo. Never. You’ve been great and you make me feel things that scare me. I’m trying here, please talk to me. I don’t . . . I want . . . I can’t get hurt again.”

Milo gets to his feet. “Scared?”

Ugh. Another one-word reply.

He moves toward me, around the desk, and stands in front of me. My head tilts back to see him.

“Scared of what?” Milo asks as he leans down. His hands rest on both sides of my chair and now we’re nose to nose.

My pulse spikes at his closeness. Why does my traitorous body care about him? I try to slow my breathing, but even I can hear how labored it is.

“I don’t want to feel these things again,” I whisper. “I don’t want to blur the lines.”

“I think it might be too late, don’t you? Don’t you think the lines were crossed when my tongue was in your mouth?”

Why does the thought of that make my stomach clench?

“No,” I shake my head.

“Do you really think I’m going to use you to get this job back?”

I want to say no, but the truth is, I’m not sure. None of this makes much sense to me. Milo has already told me the kind of man he is, but he also has always been honest. He explained that he doesn’t play games, so why am I now not going to take him at his word?

“I won’t lie to you. I don’t know what to think.”

His face is close, lips right in front of me, and my throat goes dry. “Don’t think. Feel, sweetheart.”

I lean in a little closer without giving myself permission to do so. The scent of his cologne, the confidence that he exudes, and the richness in his voice is like a drug. You can’t have just one hit, you want to relapse over and over.