I Love You to Death(66)

"Ash?" Mia asks quietly. "Are you alright?"
"I’m in love," I say back to her, not thinking about the words I’m speaking out loud.
Mia just laughs, pulling me into a hug. "Of course you are you idiot, you both are!"
∞

Tonight we’re home alone, and Luke decides he wants to show me how to cook. After my previous attempts at cooking him dinner, he jokes that I could use some help. He’s right, but I’m not sure if what we end up doing is going to change that.
It’s nearly the end of summer now but the evening is still warm. All the windows in his apartment are open and we are both barefoot in jeans and t-shirts.
Ever since our trip to the Cape, things between Luke and I have only intensified. Neither of us has said anything. Those three words I said out loud to Mia remaining unspoken to Luke. But I’m sure of it, sure that things are different now. For me, it’s as though every feeling and thought I have about him is magnified. How he only has to look at me for my heart to start pounding. How a single touch from him gets my blood racing. How he is all I can think about night and day, even when he’s lying right there beside me.
He has to know what he’s doing to me.
Luke puts some music on and smiles at me as he pulls me into the kitchen to begin. I don’t know why he chooses to teach me how to make tiramisu when I’m supposed to be improving my cooking skills, but it turns out to be one of the most passionately charged experiences I’ve ever had.
He shows me how to make it without using a recipe. The whole time, he stands behind me with his arms on either side of me. His hands are on my hands, showing me what to do with them. We dip biscuits into a mixture of coffee and alcohol, our fingers covered in the liquid. He lifts a finger to my mouth, running it along my bottom lip, coating it and asks, "Do you like the taste?"
I lick the mixture off. It is delicious. Luke gently bites my ear lobe and my eyes close as I feel a shiver run through my whole body. He is delicious.
He shows me how to combine the cream, sugar, mascarpone and alcohol together. His hand is holding mine on the spoon, his other hand resting on my stomach, his fingers teasing at the waistband of my jeans. I dip my finger into the mixture and ask him if it tastes ok. We both groan as he takes my finger in his mouth and I feel his hand pressing tighter against my stomach, which now feels like it has fallen to the floor.
He’s standing behind me, his front pushing hard against my back, his arm around my waist holding me tightly against him. I can’t help but press harder. I can’t help but rub my body against his. I hear him groan softly again and feel his lips as they move down my neck. We drop the spoon and both of his hands slide up under my t-shirt and over my bare skin. My head falls back on his shoulder, my eyes close. His lips come down to mine and his fingers tease me as we kiss. Eventually I can’t stand it anymore and I turn to him. His arms slide down and he lifts me up, my legs wrapping around his waist. Never stopping his kisses, he walks me out of the kitchen.
The lesson is abandoned.

He has to know. He has to know.
∞

He is perfect.
We are perfect.
Everything is perfect.
I want it to stay perfect more than I ever thought possible.




The eleventh hour, when time is running out
∞

Playlist:
1. Done all wrong – Black Rebel Motorcycle Club
2. Wait – M83
3. Everything will be alright – The Killers
∞

I know all good things must come to an end. It’s inevitable and it’s always been that way with me. One way or another, all the good things I find, all the good things I try to hang on to, they end. I wish I could say I can look back on all of it and remember the happiness, smile at the memories. But when it ends badly, as it always has, the only thing I remember is the sadness, the hurt, the loss and above all, the guilt over my part in it. All I can do is wonder if maybe I should’ve done something differently, or maybe not done something at all. Can good things really last forever or is it all just destined to end?
I know because of this, I’ve lived my life in a constant state of fear. That time is running out, that anything good is going to be taken away from me. Unfortunately this fear has always been proven and even though I can’t stand the hurt, the pain and the loss, somehow I find myself doing it again.
Hoping this time, it will all be different. Hoping this time, I will finally be proven wrong. Knowing deep down however, there’s not a damn thing I can do about it anyway.
∞

Summer is over now. The leaves have all turned a brilliant orange and red. Even though I know the cold and snow is coming, I can’t help but be happy. The world looks beautiful to me now and I know it’s because of how I’m feeling. I am completely crazy about Luke. I am head over heels in love with him. I love every second I spend with him and crave him every second he’s away from me. I still can’t get enough of him.
I never expected to feel like this again.
At work Sarah smiles at me and says, "Took you long enough." I think she’s being nice to me and I can’t help but smile back at her, blushing at the same time.
She laughs but it’s kind and says, "It’s nice to see you happy again Ash."
I stop and look at her. She’s being so nice to me, acting like my friend. "Thank you," I say quietly back to her.
She steps closer to me now. "So….ah, now you’re in with the band, how about you put in a good word for me with the blonde one?"
"Ben?" I ask surprised.