I Love You to Death(40)

I remember Grandad coming with me every morning to go sledding when no one else would. How he would always pull my sled back up the hill every time, before racing back down with me, both of us laughing as we slid to a stop at the bottom. Grandad would never stop, just kept going up and down that hill until it was me who was exhausted and wanted to go inside.
But I remember him having to sit down and rest before that last run we all took down the hill together.
I remember choosing for him to come with me that morning, even though Seth was already up for once.
It wasn’t until later that I realised what any of this really meant, that I realised what’d happened that morning and what I’d really done to him.
∞

I go.
I try to tell myself it’s because I love live music, not because I don’t want to go home or that I might want to spend it with Luke. It’s the music, only the music and that’s why I’m going.
We finish our drinks and they all refuse my offer of cash before we head out into the night. Luke falls into step beside me, the other three somehow ending up in front of us. We don’t say anything for a while. I’m trying to think of something to say. I feel nervous with his friends around now. Nervous they might be watching us, that they’re waiting for something to happen.
"So this band," I start off with. "They’re friends of yours?"
Luke turns to me smiling. "Yeah, couple of guys Jared and I met years ago when we were first getting started. They’re pretty cool, different to us, but I think you’ll like them."
We continue in silence. Night has fallen now and it’s starting to get cooler, the warmth of the coming spring not quite extending to the evenings. I wrap my arms around myself. I wish I’d brought a jacket.
"Are you cold?" Luke asks me, half taking his jacket off as though he’s about to give it to me. I shake my head, despite the shiver than runs through me. I am cold, but it’s not just that. It’s something else, something that’s entirely unexpected. It’s the temptation of wearing his jacket, of wrapping myself in something of his, something that smells like him, is warm like him.
Almost as if it is him.
The words run through my head before I can stop them. It sends another shiver through me. Why am I even thinking this?
"You are cold," is all Luke says as he takes his jacket off and wraps it around me anyway. All at once I’m enveloped in warmth and that now familiar smell of him. I slide my arms into the sleeves and pull his jacket around me, wrapping myself in it, my arms tight around my torso to stop my body from revealing the truth. Somewhere inside of me something moves, and I have to force myself not to look at him to see if he’s noticed.
We finally arrive at a bar and when we approach the guy on the door, he smiles as though he knows them. Luke hands him some money and turns to me, "You’re all set."
I start to protest, but he just smiles at me and says, "Its okay, my shout Ash," gesturing for me to go inside.
We get stamped and we go in. It’s hot inside the club and I reluctantly take Luke’s jacket off. I’m walking behind Jared, Ben and Steve. Luke is walking behind me now. I can feel his hand lightly pressing on my lower back as though he’s guiding me, but also letting me know he’s still there. As we walk towards the bar, all I can feel is the heat of his fingers through my top and the strange feeling it’s now creating inside me. I wonder if I should’ve left his jacket on.
Suddenly his breath is in my ear again. "What would you like to drink?" he asks, his fingers still resting on my back.
I half turn. "No, this time it’s my shout Luke," I say. We’re face to face. Our mouths only inches apart. Close enough to kiss. I flinch back a little without meaning to.
He just looks at me and smiles. His eyes watch me intently as I wait for his answer and they look as though they’re glowing in the dim lights of the club. He seems so different tonight. "I’ll just have a beer, thanks," he eventually answers.
I nod and step towards the bar, tucking his jacket into my bag. I feel the absence of his fingers on my back immediately, but force myself to take a deep breath and order. I buy beers for all of us and then we find a spot amongst the crowd and wait. Luke is standing beside me. Again I can’t help but notice that he’s taller than me as he leans down to tell me about the band. I’m half listening to him and half distracted by his mouth at my ear, his breath as it moves across my skin. I can feel goose bumps across the back of my neck.
Everything seems different tonight.
When the band eventually comes on, the crowd surges forward. I feel Luke move and stand almost behind me. I can feel the heat and the touch of his body, gently pressing against mine as people crowd around us. I see Jared look over and smile at me. I think I see him wink at Luke.
I take a sip of my drink and turn back to face the band. Suddenly I want to hold the cold bottle against my skin. Cool everything down for a minute. It’s very hot in here and Luke’s body gently pressing against mine, is making me hotter. My skin feels like it’s on fire but I can’t bring myself to move away from him. I rest the beer bottle against the base of my throat, trying to cool down.
Luke is right, they are different, but I do like them. They’re much more hard rock than Infinity and their beat is almost deafening at times. After about twenty minutes though, a slower number comes on. When it starts, Luke leans down from behind me, his hand resting on my shoulder, his thumb lightly brushing against my neck as he puts his mouth to my ear and says, "This is one of my favourites." For just a second, his lips actually touch my skin and a thousand shivers run down my spine in response. At the same time, a guy walks over carrying more beers and hands one to Luke and one to me. Luke’s hand stays on my shoulder as he straightens up, takes his beer and then turns to me and says, "Ash, this is Pete, you met him at the party. Pete you remember Ash?"