I Love You to Death(37)

They only show the first two, but it’s late when we come out. We’re standing outside the cinema facing each other. We both speak at the same time.
"Do you..."
"You want…"
Luke smiles, "You go."
I smile back. "Thanks for tonight Luke, for the tickets, for coming along." That’s not what I was going to say before.
"Thanks for inviting me," he says to me. I don’t think that’s what he was going to say either.
We stand in silence again. Watching each other.
Finally I speak, "You ah….you want to grab a drink or…um, something to eat?" I turn away at the end, somehow unable to keep looking at him as I make this suggestion.
Luke moves so he’s looking right at me, bends down so I have to see him as he answers, "Yeah, I would Ash. That’d be great."
We walk in silence for a block or two until we come across a bar which has a live band playing. Both of us stop and turn to face each other. Smiling Luke says, "Here?"
Again, I smile back. "Yeah, here is good."
We go in and find ourselves a table. We grab something to eat, we have a few drinks and we listen to this band. Luke tells me he’s never seen the third movie. I tell him it’s actually a prequel and while not as good, still relevant to the story and now there’s a fourth one out too. He says maybe we should watch them sometime. I surprise myself when I agree with him.
And here tonight, all of those email conversations we’ve had suddenly become real life. All of those easy online chats suddenly become easy to have face to face. All the shit that happened with Liam and then with Luke afterwards, is forgotten. I’m not sure how this has happened, but suddenly it has. Suddenly we are acting like friends.
Nothing more happens tonight, nothing more than us talking and me somehow having a good time. Later though, when I’m back home, I realise what has really happened. I’ve been distracted by the simple act of going to the movies and grabbing a drink afterwards. I’ve been distracted from my shit life, by something that is just so normal. And it was all because of Luke.
I wonder if he even knows what he’s doing to me, if he even realises how much he’s affecting me. And I wonder why I’m letting any of this happen. Everything would be so much easier if it could always be like this.




Seven, a neutral pH that like a seventh note is dependent on its surrounding environment
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Playlist:
1. I’ve got this friend – The Civil Wars
2. Friends – Band of Skulls
3. To whom it may concern – The Civil Wars
∞

Every situation you find yourself in can go in any number of different possible directions. All it takes is one little trigger and something changes. One thing which at the time might seem like nothing important but actually, has the power to change everything and that change can be good or bad.
I’ve often wondered if maybe I tried to change a situation, would it ever create a different outcome or, does making the change just create the very situation I’m trying to avoid. Could I have ever stopped any of the things I’ve done? Sometimes is it better to just let things happen and see where the path takes you? Because in the end, do you really have the power to change it anyway?
∞

When I was a kid I used to love going to visit my grandparents. I never got the chance to know the ones on my Mom’s side because they’d died long before I was born, so I felt even closer to the ones I did have. My Dad was originally from Maine and that’s where his parents still lived, in a beautiful old farmhouse that I absolutely adored going to. We would usually head up there twice a year, once in the winter time and once over summer. Winter was always my favourite time of the year because of all the snow. They got loads more than we ever did in Providence and it was so much fun to play in. I used to spend hours out there until I was freezing cold and soaking wet and then I’d come inside to a warm house and a mug of hot chocolate in front of the fire.
I was twelve years old the last time I loved that trip. We’d gone up in February and the snow that had started falling as we drove up there, continued all night. When I woke up the next morning, it was very early and the entire place was blanketed in white. It was thick and fluffy and perfect for sledding. I remember racing out of bed and into Seth’s room, jumping on his bed to try and get him to wake up.
"Mmmm," came his muffled response. "What do you want?"
"Come on Seth, come outside, come outside," I said jumping on his bed.
"It’s too early Smash, go away," he mumbled back before rolling over and pulling the covers over his head.
I continued jumping for a few minutes but it was clear Seth wasn’t getting up. It was only 7am, but still, I wanted him to be as excited as me. I guess at eighteen you feel a little differently about snow and the thought of sledding. Disappointed, I climbed off the bed and made my way downstairs to the living room, wondering if I could put the TV on and wait for someone else to get up.
When I wandered down there though, Grandad was in the kitchen making himself some breakfast. I’d forgotten he was an early riser, probably because I was never usually up early enough to notice.
"Hey Grandad," I said as I walked past the kitchen.
He must have noticed my long face because he followed me into the living room to ask, "What’s wrong Ash, why so sad this morning?"
"Seth won’t get up and come outside with me," I said, sinking onto the couch in a huff.
"He won’t huh?" Grandad asked, sitting down beside me.