Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(30)

“I have a headache.”

I would give anything for that to be the only ache I have.

“You should take your medication and rest,” I suggest, not knowing what else to say.

“How do I rest knowing this? Also, where the fuck is he? How does he not realize that I’m missing from his life? How can he be okay not talking to me in weeks?”

He isn’t okay. He’s in absolute fucking agony.

“You have no idea, Brie. He could be dealing with something and not know.”

She chews on her thumb. “Maybe he doesn’t live here. Maybe . . . maybe we have to keep this a secret so he can’t come.” Panic flares in her eyes. “What if he’s married? Please, God, tell me I’m not engaged to a married man. Or worse, what if he is who killed my brother?”

“Relax. If either of those are true, we’ll figure out how to handle it.”

She grips my forearms. “I can’t be that girl. I can’t steal someone else’s husband. And if my fiancé is who killed my brother, then I will never forgive myself.”

“Easy, Brie. You will do the right thing.”

“Every time we get a clue and get the tiniest bit excited, I end up with a thousand more unanswered questions. It’s like the hits just keep coming.”

“Then pick up the bat and swing back. You can continue to be the victim in this, or you can choose to fight back.” Her blue eyes widen as she stares at me. “The girl I know was never willing to back down. She would push her way through any obstacle and kick down doors until she was satisfied.”

Brielle drops her hands. “And how do I do that? How do I fight when I am blindfolded, Spencer? How do I claw my way through the thick haze that makes it impossible to know if I’m going in the right direction?”

The crack in her voice at the end almost has me telling her everything, but I know I can’t. So, I give her the only thing I’m allowed to at this point. “You take my hand,” I say, lacing our fingers together, relishing in her touch. “And you don’t do it alone.”





“You look like a bag of dog shit,” Holden says as I enter my apartment.

I flip him off and head into the kitchen for a glass and ice. I need whiskey tonight. “How much longer are you staying?” I ask as I unscrew the top to the bottle.

“A few more days. I really hoped that Brielle would be in a better place before I left, but I can’t stay too much longer.”

“Lucky me.”

“Yes, I think you are,” Holden agrees.

“That was sarcasm.”

“I’m aware, but sarcasm can also hold the truth.”

I roll my eyes. He goes back to reading while I try to drink my pain away, which actually isn’t working. Not whiskey or anything else will take away the ache in my chest, and I can’t even talk about it to anyone.

One of the agreements Brielle and I had was that no one would know about our relationship. At first, it was just sex. We had no intention to start a serious relationship, but we were stupid to think that was even possible. Brielle could never be a casual hookup. She’s everything.

Then we didn’t want to say anything because it was new and we didn’t want it to cause problems if we didn’t work out.

Then it was too perfect, too right, and we didn’t want the real world to come in and ruin it. I wanted her all to myself for a little longer. We laughed at the way no one figured it out. We enjoyed the solace that came from living in this bubble.

Like all bubbles, ours was bound to pop, and we wanted to control when that happened. We wanted to be the ones to tell everyone before it exploded. I wanted everyone to know how much I loved her. I proposed, and we agreed that the time to hide was over and it didn’t matter about my past relationships, Isaac’s approval or disapproval, our age difference, or the fact that everyone thought Brielle and I were more like siblings than anything else. We planned to tell Isaac and Addison everything.

Now, we’ll never get that chance, and I may have lost her as well.

Holden grabs the bottle and pours himself two fingers. “Are you all right?”

“I’m fine.”

“You don’t look fine.”

“I am.”

“Did something happen with Brielle when we left?”

Yes, but I can’t tell him. I want to, but how can I tell him when she doesn’t remember any of it? It wouldn’t be right. I also don’t want to hear a single one of his opinions on it.

I have no disillusions that they’ll handle us hiding our relationship for almost a year very well.

However, I have to tell them about the ring and then lie about it.

“Brielle is fine. She was a little shaken up. She found an engagement ring in a drawer.”

Holden’s eyes widen. “What?”

“Yeah.”

“And she didn’t remember anything?”

“Nope.”

He leans back, swirling the amber liquid for a minute. “I would’ve thought something that big would have triggered a memory.”

“It didn’t.”

“Wow.” He pauses. “And you don’t know the guy?”

“What guy?”

He huffs. “The guy who gave her the ring she wasn’t wearing. Maybe she didn’t say yes.”