Help Me Remember (Rose Canyon, #1)(28)

“You’re probably right.”

“I usually am.”

“You’re also an arrogant ass,” I say with a smile.

“That is also true. However, in this case, I know what I’m talking about. You have to take care of yourself too, Brie.”

I nod. “I will.”

He lets out a long breath and steps back. “On that note. I am exhausted and still need to check on my aunt. I’ll see you at your follow-up tomorrow. Spence, you want to walk out with me?”

Spencer looks to me and then shakes his head. “I’m going to stay and help Brie clean up.”

“All right.” Holden grabs his coat off the back of the chair and then shakes Spencer’s hand. “Give me a call tomorrow.”

After one last quick hug, Holden heads out. “And then there were two,” I say, feeling shy.

“Just as it started.”

Just as I always wanted it to be.

I shake my head, clearing the thought, and smile. “I am really exhausted, thanks for offering to help me clean this mess up.”

“Of course.” He clears his throat, and then we make quick work of tossing the paper plates, bottles, and empty pizza boxes into a trash bag.

There is a part of me that wants to work slower or make an excuse to get him to stay longer, but I tell myself it’s just because I don’t want to be alone with my thoughts.

Spencer stands in the doorway with the bag of trash in one hand and his notepad in the other. “I can pick you up tomorrow for your appointment, if you want.”

I am not allowed to drive for a few more days, pending my next evaluation. I was going to ask Emmett to drive me, but I would much rather be with Spencer. “Are you sure?”

“I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t.”

“That would be awesome. Maybe after we’re done, we can do a little more digging. We need to go through the apartment too.”

“Why don’t we take tomorrow off?” Spencer suggests.

“What? Why?”

“Because you may need time after your appointment. Who knows what tests they may run or whatever?” He runs his hand down his face. “It might be better if we plan for tomorrow to be a chill day.”

I cross my arms over my chest and raise one brow. “Is that what you’d do in this situation?”

We both know it’s not. Spencer is balls to the walls with everything he does. There is no slowing down or half speed. It’s why he’s so damn good at what he does.

“No, but I have more to worry about than myself.”

“I promise, I will tell you if it’s too much.”

“Like you did just now?” he counters.

“Okay, you got me. I promise to do it going forward. I honestly was fine though. It’s just all the talk of people leaving. It sometimes feels as though the world is going forward and I’m in reverse.”

“I felt like that when the guys all went to college and I took the first semester off so I could go look for my mother. Everyone was a step ahead. They were talking about dorm rooms and classes while I was going through shelters and looking for her in the morgue.”

“I’m sorry you never found her.”

Spencer looks away. “I did, but it was about a year ago.”

Oh no. “Spencer . . . I’m so . . .”

“Don’t be sorry. Trust me, based on what I saw, it was better that way.”

“How did you handle it?” I ask and then hate myself. How do I think he handled it? Regardless of the fact that she was a horrible mother, he still loved her. “That was insensitive and stupid. I’m sorry for your loss, Spencer. Truly. I hated when people said that to me, but I get it now.”

“What?”

“That saying. I’m sorry because I can’t heal your heart. I’m sorry that you’re hurting and I can’t make it go away. People said it after my dad died, and it took until I lost Isaac to really get what they were saying. So, I’m sorry for your loss, and I am sorry that it hurt.”

“It did hurt for a bit, but then I remembered that we all have the same ending. No matter what roads we take, there is only one outcome. Our journey is what makes life worth a damn. My mother made her choices and I did as well. Her death really caused me to reevaluate my life. I stopped caring about the things I wasn’t doing and put my energy into what I was doing.” The muscles in my chest grow tighter as his voice drops lower. “I made the choice to give everything to what matters, no more half-measures. It’s all or nothing. That’s how we go forward.”

I look down at my feet and see a puddle on the ground. “Shit!”

“What?” Spencer’s gaze drops to the leaking garbage bag before he shifts it out into the hallway instead of the doorway.

I rush into the kitchen, looking for paper towels or a rag, but don’t see anything. I start opening cabinets and drawers until I finally find a few dish towels. When I grab a handful of them, something falls out onto the floor, but I ignore it and rush back to Spencer.

“I need to wash my hands,” he says once the mess is mopped up.

We go back in the kitchen and take turns doing that. Then I remember the object that flew out. I look around and see a black box in the corner. I grab it, wondering why the hell a jewelry box was in my kitchen drawer.