FADING (A novel)(85)

“I just miss her. We used to be close like sisters.”

“Can’t you just tell her that?”

“It won’t do any good,” I say.

“You know you can always stay with me.”

“Yeah, I know.”

Ever since Ryan told me he loved me a couple weeks ago, I have been more comfortable talking to him and opening up more. But I have yet to tell him I love him. Something about being that vulnerable still daunts me. He told me he knows I love him and to not worry about the words. I know I’m getting there; it’s just taking a little while.

Quickly changing the topic he says, “Come to the gym with me.”

I sit up and look at him bemused. “What?”

“Yeah, come with me. We haven’t been running much because of your deranged fear of breaking your legs. You can ride the bikes, or if you’re feeling risky, run on the treadmill,” he jokes with me.

Smacking him in the arm, I say, “Stop laughing at me. And it isn’t deranged. Seriously, what if I broke my leg before this audition? It would ruin everything.”

Raising his hands in defense, he says dramatically, “I know. You’ve been telling me this all week.”

Needing to get him off my back, I say, “Fine. I’ll go ride the bikes. Let me go change.”

When I walk out of the bathroom, Ryan is standing there waiting for me. Bending down, he scoops me up, over his shoulder and playfully grabs my ass. I can’t control my laughter as he hauls me through my house. I return the favor and grab onto his ass as he carries me out to his jeep. When he sets me down, I have to grab hold of his arms until the dizziness subsides. He opens my door and helps me up into the car before leaning in and kissing me.

When we arrive at the gym, I make my way over to the cardio machines and Ryan follows closely behind.

“What are you doing?” I say as I turn around to face him.

“Your ass looks hot in those tight pants,” he says with a wicked smirk.

I roll my eyes and before I can turn around, he grabs me by said ass and pulls me against him. Swatting his hands away, he laughs as I make my way over and sit my ass on a bike.

“Now what the hell am I supposed to look at?” he complains.

“Go lift your weights and stop harassing the gym’s clientele.”

I spend the next half hour riding the bike and then decide to run on the treadmill. At least there’s a bar I can grab onto if I fall. Ryan has been getting a kick out of teasing me about my fear of breaking anything that has to do with my legs.

I increase the incline and set the speed for a quick-paced run. I scan the gym until I spot Ryan by the free-weights. He’s lying on the incline bench doing sets of chest presses. While he’s focused on his workout, I take a moment to ogle over his muscular body. When his eyes flick to mine and he catches me gawking, he gives me an egotistical grin, which I shake my head at.

We spend the next hour going back and forth like this, although I catch him a lot more than he catches me. Walking across the gym, he stands in front of my treadmill, leaning against it while I continue to run.

“You trying to kill yourself?”

“No,” I say breathlessly, “Just building endurance.”

His cocky grin returns, and when I side-step off the tether, I smack him and clarify, “Not for that! For dancing, you perv.”

I take his hand as he helps me off the machine, and we walk over to grab some water. I drain my bottle quickly and toss it in the trash. After I towel off my face and neck, we head outside, and I welcome the cold drizzle that’s falling.

On the drive back to my place, Ryan mentions the party that Gavin is throwing this weekend. Wondering if I still wanted to go, he assures me it’ll be a small crowd, so I tell him yes.

We’ve hung out with Gavin several times in the past few weeks. He has since apologized to me for making that comment to me at Ryan’s loft. I could tell he felt bad about it, so I brushed it off. He’s very crass with his words, but he’s really funny at the same time. The party, if nothing else, will at least be amusing with him there.

?????

Walking into Gavin’s house, Ryan is greeted by several people. Keeping a firm grip on my hand, he introduces me to a few guys before Gavin walks up and throws his arm around me.

“It’s about time you guys showed up. Help yourself to whatever is in the kitchen.”

“Hey, Gav.”

“Hey, gorgeous. I can’t believe you haven’t left this ass-hat for me yet.”

“If it weren’t for your delicate language, I might consider it.”

“Leave her alone,” Ryan says as he pulls me away and into the kitchen to grab a couple of beers.

As he’s opening my bottle, I notice a tall blonde eying him. When he hands me my bottle, he leans down and gives me a chaste kiss then leads me back to the living room. We sit on the couch and Ryan begins chatting with two guys that he knows. I sip on my beer and only catch bits and pieces of their conversation. I like that he never takes his hand off of my knee while talking to them; that he’s always so aware of me.

I scan the room and spot Gavin who is talking with the blonde I saw in the kitchen. Her hair is long, about the length of mine. She wears her makeup in a sultry way, opposite of my simple mascara and lip-gloss.

When both she and Gavin turn their heads and look at me, I immediately shift my eyes to Ryan. Looking back at me, he squeezes my knee, and Gavin flops down next to me.