FADING (A novel)(30)

Shaking my head, I say, “No. I’m not sure what’s causing this struggle.” Only I do. And the knowing causes me to swallow back hard and fight to keep the tears from pooling in my eyes.

When I look at Ms. Emerson, I see the concern. An emotion I thought she couldn’t possibly possess. My body betrays my act of strength when I feel my chin start to tremble as the emotions build inside my tightening chest.

Slightly tilting her head to the side, she pushes, “You sure?”

There is no way I can speak right now, so I simply nod my head.

She pushes herself off the desk and sits down next to me in the matching leather chair. Shifting her body to face me, she continues, “Dancers like you don’t often walk through these doors. When I first saw you three years ago, I knew I was seeing something special. You are destined to have a successful career, and I’ve never had to worry about you. You breathe this.” Hearing her words, I lose my composure and let the tears escape. “But it’s almost November, and your time here is limited. Whatever this is . . . we need to fix it. I see perfection, but I no longer feel the passion in you. I feel emptiness.”

Agreeing with her last statement, I nod my head and say, “I’m sorry. I don’t . . . I don’t know what to do to fix this.”

She reaches over and covers my hand with hers. “Whatever is making you shut down, allow it to come to life inside of you.”

Her words are my greatest fear. Would she be telling me this if she knew? I know I have to find another way—I have to.

“I believe in you, Candace. I wouldn’t have called you in today if I didn’t.”

I am taken back by her candidness, and I know she isn’t saying this for my sake. She means it. Wiping my tearstained cheeks, I say, “Thank you.”

She stands up, and I lean down to grab my purse before doing the same. As she walks back behind her desk, I make my way to the door. Holding the door handle in my hand, I turn over my shoulder and assure her, “I’ll fix this.”

“I know you will,” she replies as she sits down.





Chapter Eleven


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Wrapping my plush black scarf around my neck, I head out the front door into the brisk and rainy October evening. It’s Halloween, and everyone at work wanted the night off to go to various parties, so I volunteered to work. Roxy will be there for a little bit, but I will be working most of the night and closing by myself. It should be pretty slow with it being a Wednesday and also a party night. Most people will be opting to drink liquor rather than coffee.

When I arrive, Roxy and her boyfriend, Jared, are the only ones in the shop. Sporting her new flame-red hair, she looks up and says, “Hey, Candace! How was your day?”

Shaking off my wet jacket, I say, “Busy. I’ve been trying to choreograph that solo I told you about.” I shrug off my coat and scarf and hang them on the coat rack by the front doors.

“Hey, Jared,” I say as I approach the counter.

“Haven’t seen you in a while, girl,” he says.

“Yeah, I’ve been keeping busy with school.”

Eying my backpack, he says, “I see.”

I sling my backpack off my shoulder and drop it on the floor behind the counter. “I figured it’d be dead tonight, so I thought I could get some reading done for my classes.”

Roxy walks up to me, leaning against the counter, and asks softly, “You sure you’re gonna be okay here by yourself?”

“Roxy, I’ve worked alone before. No biggie.”

“Yeah, but—”

Interrupting her, I repeat, “No biggie, Rox,” giving a slight nod and looking her in the eyes. I know exactly what she’s thinking, but I just want her to drop it. We both realize I haven’t worked alone since she’s been noticing my strange behavior these past couple months. She knows something is up, but I tend to cut her off every time she starts to insinuate concern.

I walk over to the espresso machine and begin making myself a double shot latte.

“It was nice seeing you, Candace,” Jared shouts over to me while I’m grinding the coffee beans.

“You heading out already?” I ask.

“Yeah, I gotta run.” He turns to Roxy and asks, “I’ll see you in an hour?”

“Yep, meet you at your place,” she replies before kissing him.

I turn around, not wanting to look at how happy they are and focus on steaming the milk. I add a pump of vanilla flavoring and quickly wipe down the counter before turning back around. When I do, Jared is walking out. Leaning against the counter, I blow on my hot drink before taking a slow sip. Roxy is staring at me, and I can read her thoughts clearly. I know she doesn’t want me here alone, and she is worried. Before she can say a word, I try to place the focus on her, not me.

“So, what are the two of you doing tonight?” I ask.

“A friend of ours is in a band, and they are playing a show at The Crocodile.”

“That’s a huge gig,” I say excitedly.

Roxy and I start talking about her friend’s band, and before I know it, she’s grabbing her things and getting ready to leave. A part of me is starting to feel jittery, and it isn’t the caffeine. The thought creeps into my mind: What if he comes in tonight? I have never seen him here in the past, and to my knowledge, he has never been here, but it still makes me nervous.