FADING (A novel)(35)

I know I can do this. I have to do this. I reach under the table and rest my hand on top of Jase’s leg, in a way, using him as my anchor while I try to pull my thoughts together. He looks over at me as he lays his hand over mine and gives me a reassuring squeeze. I keep repeating in my head: Get it together, Candace. Just function. I say it over and over in a desperate attempt to will it to happen. I tell myself to act normal, but I’m not even sure I know what that is. I push the uncomfortable feeling aside, knowing that nothing will happen because Jase and Mark are both here with me. Everything is fine.

I’m peeling the label off my beer bottle, when Ryan starts to talk. “So, Candace, what do you plan on doing when you finish school?”

I look up at him and take a deep breath before answering. “I hope to dance professionally while time allows. Not sure where that will happen. New York was always the plan, but I’m not so sure now.” Why did I just tell him that? Please don’t ask why.

Looking over at Jase, he and Mark are lost in their own conversation, not paying any attention to Ryan and me.

“I love New York. You ever been?” Ryan asks.

“Yeah, several times. It’s a great city. I actually lived there the summer before my senior year of high school. I had a scholarship to one of the conservatories in the city.”

“So, your parents just let you live there alone for the summer?” he asks with a hint of concern in his eyes.

“Umm, yeah. My parents are . . . well, not your typical involved parents,” I say.

“Sorry.”

I shrug it off, and we continue to talk about our love of New York City. I’m surprised with how easy it is to talk to this new person. He’s laidback and makes me feel comfortable.

Time continues to pass pretty effortlessly as we talk. Mark and Jase are engrossed in their own private conversation about who knows what.

“What are you two talking about?” Mark asks, when his conversation with Jase has died down.

“New York City,” Ryan answers.

When I hear the band begin the intro to another one of my favorite songs, I excuse myself to walk over to the bookcase where we were standing earlier so that I can listen and enjoy the song. A few moments later, Jase, Mark, and Ryan join me. Jase is on one side of me and Ryan stands opposite. Leaning forward, resting my elbows on the bookcase, Ryan lowers himself next to me, and I instantly feel Jase’s protective hand on my back.

I shift my eyes slightly to look at Ryan, and he is watching the band. I know I shouldn’t be looking at him like this, but I find it intriguing that he doesn’t make me feel scared. He turns his head and catches me staring at him. Cringing inside, I try and play it off by giving him a slight grin and refocusing my attention back to the band. When they announce their last song for the evening, Jase leans into my ear and whispers, “Mark and I will be right back.”

Looking at him curiously, I ask, “Where are you going?”

“Don’t worry about it. We’ll be back in a second.” He kisses me on the temple, and gives me a reassuring nod before he turns and walks off with Mark.

Standing here alone, next to Ryan, we listen to The xx play an extended version of ‘Intro.’ The languid plucks of the guitar are soon interlaced with the ever thumping of the bass drum. The song begins to intensify into a fusion of haunting and seductive sounds. I push back off the bookcase while Ryan remains leaning on his elbows. I watch him. I shouldn’t be, but I am. His hair is a rich dark brown that falls slightly over his ears. He has a strong, well-defined jaw and a muscular frame that is evident through his dark grey shirt. Looking back at me over his shoulder, a small lock of his hair falls over his forehead. What am I doing? I take a step back as he pushes himself off the bookcase and looks at me. Turning around quickly to walk away, I run smack into Mark’s chest.

Tripping over my own feet, he catches me and asks, “Whoa, everything okay?”

“I wanna go,” I say softly so that no one can hear me but him.

Clutching both of my arms, he looks back at Jase and gives him a nod. When Jase walks over he asks, “You ready to go?”

“Hey, man. It was good seeing ya. We’ll catch up later this week,” Mark says to Ryan.

I turn around as Ryan approaches Mark and they give each other a tight handshake as Mark slaps Ryan on the side of his shoulder. “Catch you later,” Ryan says before holding his hand out to me. “I’m glad I ran into you again,” he says.

Sliding my hand into his, I say with a slight hesitation, “Yeah, it was nice.”

As Jase and Ryan say their goodbyes, I walk out into the drizzly, cold night and take a deep breath. Jase walks out, hands me my coat, and I shrug it on before getting into the car.

“What was that all about?” Jase asks me.

Leaning my head against the window, I quip, “You tell me. Where the hell did you two run off to?”

Turning around in his seat, he adds, “Just thought you two should talk without Mark and I around.”

“Why?”

“Just got that feeling. You two kept staring at each other with that look.”

Sitting up, I ask, “And what look would that be?”

“Candace, the guy is hot. You know what look he’s talking about,” Mark adds as he drives back to my house.

“Doesn’t matter,” I say as I lie back against the seat.