FADING (A novel)(34)

I hear the guys when they come inside the house and shout, “I’ll be out in a sec. I’m just finishing straightening my hair.” Taking a huge gulp of the wine I’ve been sipping, I look at myself in the mirror. My eyes look a little glassy, but I’m not surprised. I’ve been drinking since I got home from work a little bit ago, hoping the alcohol will help calm my nerves.

I turn off my hair straightener, grab my cell, and slide it in my pocket along with my ID and credit card, and I walk through the house to the living room where the guys are.

“You look great,” Jase says with a smile. “You ready?”

I nod my head, grab my leopard scarf that is lying on the couch, and tie it around my neck before walking outside. I don’t say much on the drive; I just listen to Mark and Jase talk about school and football. When we arrive at Spines, a trendy book and music store, I begin to panic when I see all the cars.

“I don’t know about this,” I say quietly.

The guys get out of the car and Mark opens my door. Holding his hand out for me, he says, “No worries, okay?”

I slide my hand into his and step out of the car.

When we walk inside, there is a gathering of around one hundred or so people. There is a bar set off to the side that is serving drinks with tables and chairs scattered about. The lights are set low and there are candles everywhere. I stay with Mark, still holding his hand tightly, as Jase goes to the bar to get us drinks.

Mark and I browse through the section of vinyl records. Flipping through them and admiring the artwork on the old cardboard cases, I am starting to feel a little more at ease. Jase finds us and hands Mark and I each a bottle of beer.

“Come on, they’re about to start playing,” Jase says. We walk over, and decide to stand next to another group of people by a low shelf of books. I set my beer down and lean my elbows on the bookcase as Jase and Mark stand on either side of me. I watch as the band takes the small stage that has been set up for them and starts getting their equipment ready. I have loved The xx for years but have never seen them live before.

The strum of a guitar fills the dark room as they ease into their song ‘Infinity.’ Listening to the slow soothing sounds, I lean into Jase—a non-verbal thank you. He wraps his arm around me and pulls me in closer, and I know exactly what he is telling me with his actions.

After a few songs, I am ready for another drink. I go with Jase to the bar to get another round for the three of us. When we walk back, I see Mark talking to some guy who has his back to me. When we approach, the guy he is talking to turns around, and I nearly choke on the beer that I just took a sip of.


He looks shocked to see me as he stares at me with his clear-blue eyes. He doesn’t say anything to me, so I decide to speak up. “You again.”

“You two know each other?” Mark asks.

“Not really,” he responds as he blinks his gaze away from me.

I look at Mark and add, “He’s come into Common Grounds a couple times to get coffee. How do you guys know each other?”

“He owns Blur, where the band has been playing lately,” Mark says.

“And the guy who gave me the tickets,” Jase says to me before turning his attention to the guy, whose name I still don’t know, and adds, “Thanks, man.”

“No problem at all.”

I stand there awkwardly as the guys continue to talk, so I turn my back to them and focus in on the band as they begin to play ‘Missing.’ I haven’t heard this song in months, and it begins to affect me. What I used to consider a desperate love song now breathes new meaning when I hear the words about how the heart beats. Sadness creeps through me, and my body tenses up as I try desperately not to cry.

“Hey, let’s go sit down,” Jase whispers in my ear, and I am snapped out of my tormenting thoughts.

Looking at him over my shoulder, I nod, not sure if I am able to speak just yet. He lowers his head and looks me in the eyes. I know he sees it—the hurt—so I quickly shake my head and give him a reassuring grin that I’ve got this under control. He takes my hand and leads me to a table where Mark and his friend are already sitting.

Taking a seat and setting my beer down, I say, “I’m sorry, but I never caught your name.”

Giving me a half smirk, he says, “Ryan. Ryan Campbell.”

I give him a slight nod and introduce myself. “I’m Candace.” Eying his cup of coffee, I add, “Ever drink anything besides coffee?”

“I work a lot of late nights,” is his vague response to my question.

“So, Ryan,” Jase says, “Candace will be graduating this year as well. She’s a dance major.”

What the hell is Jase doing? I look over at him and give him a snide look, but he just grins at me.

“Dance. What kind?” Ryan asks.

“Ballet,” I say and then take another sip of my beer.

“Can’t say I know anything about that,” he responds with an honest chuckle.

“It’s okay. Nobody ever does.”

“So, I take it you’re the best friend who loves this band,” he says as he nods his head towards the stage.

Feeling odd about this interaction, I reply with a simple, “Yeah.” I start to feel the need to close myself off. It feels weird talking to someone new. My life is very secluded, and I like it that way. It’s safe. So being here, out, listening to music, talking to a new person, suddenly makes me want to run back home.