FADING (A novel)(25)

A crash of thunder quickly brings me out of my euphoric state. I walk to one of the windows and look up into the sky to see dark clouds rolling in. I decide to pack up and head back to Jase’s before the storm hits. Taking off my pointes, I powder them and my feet before sliding them into my flip-flops. I sling my bag over my shoulder, run out, and hop into my car. When I turn the key, I look at the time on my dash and am shocked when I realize I’ve been dancing for over two hours. I don’t know how the time slipped away so fast.

As I drive, reality slowly starts creeping back in, and the weight in my chest returns. The thunder continues to rumble, and I feel like the weather fits my mood perfectly. The clouds open, and the rain begins to crash down on my windshield. I turn my wipers on high, but I struggle to see the road ahead. I pull into one of the empty parking lots on campus to wait until the rain lightens up. While sitting in the car, I listen to the rain beating violently against the steel.

For some reason, I get the urge to get out of my car. I open the door and step out into the rain. Closing the door, I lean against the car, and within seconds, I’m drenched. The beating of the raindrops against my delicate skin feels good, almost painful in a way—but good. I lean my head back and feel the pellets as they strike my face. I enjoy the biting sensation. With my eyes closed, I just stand there, wishing I could live here, in this vacant lot, alone, focusing on nothing more than the stinging pleasure of the storm as it batters me. Knowing that this will soon end, that the sun is lingering behind the clouds and I will be faced with the hell that is my life, my body slides down the side of my car, and I sit in a puddle of water on the dirty ground and cry.

Why didn’t I fight more? Why did I just lie there? I am constantly replaying that night in my head, wondering what I could have done differently. What happened at the party that made his mood suddenly shift? I know that I led him on, and I shouldn’t have. If only I could have just been honest with him from the start. Now I’m constantly haunted by his eyes, his voice, and the feel of his hands clamped around my mouth, keeping me from screaming.

He took so much from me. He took everything that wasn’t his to take. I had only been with one guy, and that experience was far from a loving one. Preston was drunk off of keg beer, and the whole thing lasted less than a few minutes before he passed out on top of me. Why is this my life? Why did I allow this * to take all that was good in me? I feel like nothing.

When the rain lightens up, I drag myself off the ground and slide back into my car, leaving puddles of dirty water on my leather seats. I drive the rest of the way in a complete daze, feeling drained and emotionally exhausted.

I wander aimlessly into the apartment and head straight to the bathroom to strip out of my soggy clothes and grab some towels. I wrap one of them around me and lie down on the floor, enjoying the cold tile against my face. I savor the numbness I currently feel and drift off.





Chapter Nine


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After my unexpected nap on the bathroom floor, I’m finishing up my makeup and getting ready to go to work. I have managed to pull myself together as much as possible to try and resume my normal routine, but the knots in my stomach won’t seem to go away. I am nervous about seeing Roxy. I’m not sure what I will say if she notices the healing scars on my face. I think I have done a pretty decent job with my makeup, but I’m still nervous.

Walking out of the bathroom, I grab my purse and jacket then head out. Luckily, Jase hasn’t been home today. I really needed the alone time. He and Mark are spending the day together, but they said they would be here when I get off work in a few hours.

Before I pull out of my parking space, I swipe my phone to see how many more missed calls and texts I have from Kimber. Her texts have turned rude and so have her voicemails. I really can’t blame her though. Jase told me she came over the other afternoon when I was out running errands with Mark. She was pissed off and demanded to know where I was. Again, I told him to drop it, but I could tell he didn’t want to. I don’t want her mad at me, so I decide to finally send her a text.

Hey, I promise that I’m not mad at U. Just needed a little time away.

Will explain later. Love U.

If only I knew what the hell I was going to explain. I know I have to resolve this quickly because I will be going back to our house in a few days, and I really don’t need any more awkwardness.

Mark and I have been spending time together when he isn’t in class. I can see why Jase loves him. They are alike in many ways, and we have bonded pretty effortlessly. He’s wanted to stay over, but I am too embarrassed for him to witness the nightmares that seem to come every night.

As I drive to work, I listen to music and try my best to act normal. I’m not even sure what that is anymore, but I desperately crave it. I feel different, and I don’t like it. When I pull up to Common Grounds, my nerves intensify. I haven’t seen any of my other friends all week. Only Jase and Mark. Will Roxy be able to see right through me? Will she ask questions? My heart is racing, and I start taking slow deep breaths to calm myself. Getting out of my car, I walk straight in and towards the back to put my things away and get my apron. I pass Roxy, and she is busy helping a customer. When I reach the back room, I take a minute to try and pull myself together.

I take one last look at my face in the small compact mirror that’s in my purse before walking back out. Looking around, I notice that the place is dead. I really wish we were busy so that my interaction with Roxy would be limited. I’m nervous and want nothing more than to get back into my car and drive to Jase’s apartment. I walk slowly to one of the stools by the front counter and sit down.