FADING (A novel)(116)

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry that I’ve been lying to you.”

“Candace—”

I cut her off and let everything out. Everything I’ve been hiding.

“I didn’t want to lie to you. I love you, but I was scared. I was scared you would tell someone, and I was afraid to trust you.”

“Sweetie—”

“Jack raped me. That night of the party, he raped me. And I stayed with Jase because I didn’t want you to know. I didn’t want anyone to know, and I was scared you would go to Jack and do something stupid. So I hid from you. I lied, and I hurt you. I lost my best friend and I’m so sorry.”

“Candace, you didn’t lose me,” she says as she begins to cry. “I’ve always been here.”

“I’m so sorry.”

Kimber doesn’t say anything as we both cry. I don’t know how long we are on the floor, but when exhaustion hits, I lean my head back against the wall and release a hard sigh. When I look back at Kimber, I apologize again.

“Let’s get off the floor, okay?” she says and then stands and helps pull me up. We walk out to the living room, and I sit on the couch as Kimber gets us some water. Sitting down next to me she asks, “Candace, what happened?”

“With Jack or Ryan?”

“Jack.”

“He got pissed at me that I led him on and when I ran from him, he . . .” I don’t finish my thought, because I can’t, and I know I don’t need to. “I was taken to the hospital, and I went home with Jase. I couldn’t come back here because Jack had banged up my face pretty bad.”

“Fucker,” she hisses.

“Kimber, you can’t say anything.”

“Ryan beat the shit out of him last night.”

“I know, I was there. That’s Ryan’s bar, he owns it.”

“Is that why you were fighting? I don’t understand.”

Shaking my head, I start to cry again. “God, it’s so messed up.”

“Candace, I know you didn’t think you could, but you can trust me. I love you.”

“The thing with Jack happened in the back lot of Ryan’s bar. I didn’t know it, and I didn’t know him when we met. But I spoke with the detective this morning, and he told me that Ryan had witnessed it.” Hanging my head down, I struggle to get my words out. “I don’t know what to think. He knew me all along and never said anything. God, I broke down like an idiot and told him what had happened to me and he already knew.”

“That’s f*cked up,” she says as she hugs me.

“I fell in love with him. How could he make me fall in love with him? I feel so stupid.”

“You’re not stupid. He lied to you. He’s a dick face.”

I can’t help but chuckle through my tears at her words. I’ve missed her words so much.

“I wish I would have known,” she tells me. “I wish I could have been there for you. I had no idea. I thought you were mad at me, and I couldn’t figure it out. I couldn’t figure any of it out, so I just gave up trying. Then I just got mad at you.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t know what to do. I mean, last night was the first time I’ve hung out with Jack, but he’s one of Seth’s friends. They’re frat brothers and all.”

“You can’t say anything. Please, Kimber.”

“I won’t. I promise. I just don’t know what to do.”

“I don’t know.”

“Are you pressing charges?”

“No.”

“Why were you talking to a detective?”

“He was at the hospital. He gave me his card. Jase had tried a couple times to get me to call him, but I didn’t. I came across it the other day when I was starting to pack my room and I . . . I don’t know, I guess I wanted to see what my options were. I don’t know.”

“You can’t let him get away with this, Candace. He has a girlfriend, you know?”

“Kimber, I just can’t. This year has been a nightmare, a never-ending nightmare, for me. I thought I was stronger. I thought Ryan was real. I don’t know, Kimber. I feel so lost. More lost than before.”

There’s a knock on the door and Kimber gets up to answer it.

“Hey, Jase,” she says as he walks into the house and straight towards me.

“I’ve been trying to call you, sweetie. What happened?”

I must have forgotten my phone when I rushed out of Ryan’s place.

“He lied to me.”

Sitting down next to me, he asks, “What do you mean ‘he lied?’”

I start to cry and he takes my hand. “Remember when the detective told us there was a witness to what happened?”

“Yeah.”

“It was Ryan. Jase, he saw it and never told me.”

Kimber sits down on the other side of me as I lean into Jase’s arms, and I hear Kimber tell Jase that I told her everything. And for the first time in a long time, the three of us hold each other. I’m so hurt and so lost, but at the same time, I feel like I’m finally back with the people who I have always considered my family.

When Jase pulls back, he wants to know how I found out, so I tell him about calling Detective Patterson and everything that he said.