Existence(29)

“I heard your fear...and then I heard my name and the desperation in it was…” he stopped and glared back at the road. I waited in silence for him to finish but he remained silent.

“It was what?” I asked in a whisper.

He let out a frustrated sigh. “Terrifying. Knowing you were that scared...hearing the fear was unlike anything I’ve ever felt. I was ready to cease the existence of whatever was hurting you. Then I saw her and knew it was something I 87



Existence

couldn’t control without, without...doing something that would be close to unbearable to me, but more bearable than the alternative.”

I heard his words but none of them made sense. I frowned and shook my head, wanting to understand and he reached over and took my hand in his. “Pagan, please don’t ask for what I can’t give you. I can give you anything but the answers to those questions.”

I closed my eyes and turned my face away from him. I wanted to hate him for not telling me who he was or what he was. I wanted to understand him, to understand this, but he wouldn’t or couldn’t tell me anything.

The moment the jeep stopped outside my house, I grabbed my bag and hopped out. I needed distance. Nothing about this made any sense and I wanted to understand. I turned to slam the door and saw Dank standing at his jeep with a defeated expression. I paused. The urge to call out to him was so strong, but I resisted and closed the door softly. I could not understand why he refused to explain what was happening to me. I wanted to hate him but he’d claimed a part of my soul and there was nothing I could do to stop my feelings for him. His appearance in my life had started all of this craziness. He offered to give me anything in the world other than the answers I wanted and needed. I threw my book bag down on the kitchen counter and plopped onto a bar stool. Tonight Leif would come over and we would work on his speech for this week. It would all be very normal teenage stuff. I would pretend I didn’t live in a world of haunting paranormal activity. Maybe I would even cook him dinner. All very normal, all very real.

I finished cutting up the quesadillas as the doorbell rang.

I grabbed the plate and sat it down on the kitchen table on my way to the door.

Leif grinned and stepped inside. “Whatever I smell is heavenly. Please tell me it’s for me, because I’m starving.” I stood on my tippy toes and kissed him chastely on the lips 88



Existence

before heading back to the kitchen to get drinks from the fridge.

“I made quesadillas tonight. Do you want sour cream or guacamole?” I asked, turning back to look at him.

“Sour cream,” he replied. All very normal. No crazy blond souls trying to scare the bejesus out of me. Just me and my boyfriend, working on our homework.

“Okay, we eat first and then work on your speech about—

what is it this week?” I asked as I sat the drinks, sour cream, and guacamole down on the table.

“The importance of a college degree,” he answered, smiling with a quesadilla already half way to his mouth.

I sat down across from him. “That should be easy enough.”

Leif nodded and took another bite of a sour cream-smothered quesadilla. Movement from across the room caught my attention. Startled, I started to stand up, ready to bolt when Dank sauntered into the room. He saluted me and walked up the stairs to my room. I watched him go, feeling sadness overwhelm me. I’d been rude this evening and he’d come to me anyway. Secretly I’d been worrying he wouldn’t show tonight after the way I walked away from him. I glanced over at Leif who was taking a swig of his drink.

“Um, I need to run upstairs and get something, I mean do something. I’ll be right back, uh, go on ahead and eat until you’re full.” He smiled and took another bite. I headed back up the stairs and walked into my room, immediately glancing toward the bed to find it empty. Instead of lounging on my bed I found him in my chair with the guitar in his hands.

“Hey,” I said, not sure what I’d come up here to say. His grin showcasing his dimple made me shiver.

“Hey,” he replied as he strummed at the guitar. I stood for a moment and listened to him play the tune I’d heard him sing at night when he thought I was asleep. I sat down on my bed and watched him play. He was a contradiction. A soul who wasn’t a soul but could do things a soul could do. A 89



Existence

rock star that was supposed to be in a band that he was never with. I hadn’t thought of any of this before now.

“Dank, why’re you here? If you sing in a band, I mean, what brought you here?” He smiled sadly and stared back down at the guitar in his hands.

“I do sing with the band when they have gigs. Cold Soul isn’t a headliner yet. I can come and go easily, Pagan, you know that. Keeping up with my other life is easy enough.” Of course he had it all under control. He was a jack of all trades: High school heart throb, singer in a band, the ability to become like a ghost and my bodyguard. His dark blue eyes glanced back up at me. “Why are you up here when Mr.

Wonderful is downstairs?” he asked and the strumming ceased.

I shrugged. “I don’t know, you just looked like you might need me,” I said, hating the way the words sounded. He sat his guitar down and stood up. I watched as he knelt down right in front of me. I sat hypnotized as he traced my jaw line with his finger and then gently touched my lips. Desire surged through my body so strongly I grabbed a handful of the quilt I was sitting on.