Existence(34)

“What’s wrong, Pagan?” he asked quietly.

I managed a weak smile. “I think my feeling bad just got to me. I want to feel good again. This weekend was miserable,” I admitted, needing to add some truth to what I was saying.

He nodded and pulled me back into his arms. “I’m sorry for my part in this. I can’t stand seeing you cry. It kills me,” he said softly and squeezed me. Leif was my link to the real world and my source of comfort, especially now my heart felt broken beyond repair. What scared me the most was the fact that my heart had been shattered by someone I didn’t even know.

I went to the nurse but only remained in there long enough for English Literature to end. Once I knew it would be safe to head to Algebra II, I assured Nurse Tavers I felt much better and wanted to go to class. Algebra II happened to be the only class I didn’t share with Dank or Kendra. I could make it through this one. Leif would be with me in World History so Dank’s presence would be easier to ignore.

I stepped into the hall and the eerie warning in my head that someone was watching me made the hairs on my arms stand up. I glanced both ways down the empty hallway but no one was there. Fear seemed to clog my throat and I forced myself to take a calming breath before heading toward Algebra II with my pass from Nurse Tavers. I walked faster than normal, wanting to be around other people. Being alone in the hallway brought back frightening memories.

Especially now, I wasn’t sure Dank would come to my rescue.

He wouldn’t even look at me, so why would he come to me if a soul haunted me? The sensation that someone was there watching me intensified the farther down the hall I walked.



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Why did Algebra II have to be at the very end of the hall? I peeked back over my shoulder and still the hallway remained empty. A chill ran up my spine and I broke into a run. I couldn’t see her but I knew she was there. My heart pounded in my chest. I kept my eyes on the door to my Algebra II class. It still seemed so far away, yet I knew if I screamed someone would hear me. The coldness grew stronger and the air had grown thick, making it harder to breathe. I needed to stop running so I could force oxygen into my lungs but then she would have me alone that much longer.

A door opened just as my vision started becoming hazy from lack of oxygen and air immediately filled my burning lungs. The chill disappeared. I dropped my books and put my hands on my knees, gasping for more air, drawing it in and trying to steady my racing heart. Footsteps startled me and I jerked up ready to run again when I saw Dank walking away.

Whatever had been after me fled because of him. Lucky for me she didn’t realize Dank didn’t care about keeping me safe anymore. My heart no longer raced from fear but ached from the pain of rejection. I picked my books up off the ground and watched Dank’s retreating form one more time before heading into my classroom.





* * * *

“If you aren’t ready to start on my speech, I’m not in a hurry,” Leif leaned down and whispered in my ear. We ordered pizza and cuddled on the couch to watch television.

The truth of the matter was, I wasn’t in the mood to work on his speech. All I really wanted to do was enjoy the small measure of warmth from being in his arms. Sitting on the couch cuddling with my boyfriend helped me keep my fear at bay. When Leif left, I would have to go to my room alone.

The thought of facing my room after my experience in the hall today terrified me. Seeing Dank saunter away from me as if he were just another guy without a care in the world, 103



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while I stood bent over gasping for air had left me with a feeling of despair. I reached down and took Leif’s hand in mine. He was here. Granted he was no protection against psycho souls. Only Dank could stop that… that… whatever she was. But Dank wasn’t here. Leif was all I had and I wanted to bask in his presence a while longer. Leif held my hand in his and we sat in silence. I wasn’t even sure what we were watching. He would laugh out loud at times and the sound of it made me smile. I enjoyed seeing him happy.

Sometimes I forgot what happy felt like. The ringing of his phone broke into my thoughts and I jumped. I was on edge tonight.

He grinned. “It’s my phone, not the fire alarm. Jeesh, you’re jumpy tonight.” He reached into his pocket and slid it out.

“Hello?” he paused, “I’m at Pagan’s right now….I realize that, but I’m busy….We haven’t finished it yet.” Leif glanced down at me apologetically. “Okay, I’m on my way,” he said, frowning as he closed his phone. “That was my dad. He needs me to ride with him to drop mom’s car off at the mechanic’s. They’re going to work on it first thing in the morning. He can’t go to bed until he has dropped it off and he’s beat after working a double shift at the station.” I sat up and forced a smile. My mother wasn’t home yet and the thought of being alone made me want to curl up in a ball and cry. “Oh, yeah, um, go on. We can work on the speech tomorrow.”

He frowned and slipped a hand into my hair, brushing his thumb against my ear. “You look uptight. I hate to leave you all wound up.”

I smiled and shrugged. “I probably just need some sleep,” I lied, hoping he bought it. He bent down and kissed me softly. I slid my hands behind his neck and deepened the kiss. Leif took my face in his hands and tilted it to fit his perfectly. I soaked in the comfort of his closeness and his warmth. I knew I needed to let him go so he could go help his 104