Existence(27)

“She means nothing to me.” Dank’s voice sent tingles down my neck and across my chest. “I would never lie to you, Pagan,” he said urgently against my ear. I opened my eyes to gaze up at him, wanting to see the blue of his eyes. His lips touched the tip of my ear and made a trail up my face. Both his hands gripped my waist pulling me hard up against his body. “You tempt me. I can’t be tempted. I’m not made to be tempted but you, Pagan Moore, you tempt me. From the moment I came for you I was drawn in. Everything about you…” One of his hands left my waist and moved up to gently caress my arm. “You make me crazy with need. With want. I didn’t understand it at first. But now I know. It’s your soul calling to me. Souls mean nothing to me. They aren’t supposed to. But yours has become my obsession.” He lowered his head to my shoulder and kissed the curve of my neck. His hand moved over to slip beneath my shirt and the heat from his palm rested on my bare stomach. A pulse of warmth surged through me and he pressed me tightly 81



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against him to keep me from falling. “I want to kill that boy every time I see his hands on you.” He kissed a path up my neck and I arched my neck in response to give him better access. Nothing had ever felt like this. His touch was like a drug. “I want to rip his arms from his body so he can’t touch you again.” A low, familiar growl vibrated against my back.

“But I can’t have you, Pagan. You’re not meant for me.” His voice sounded tortured. I wanted to comfort him. He’d claimed me too. Somehow, he’d walked into my world and become the center of it. He was all I wanted. I started to tell him just how much he meant to me when he picked me up and laid me carefully on the bed, hovering over me. I reached up to him wanting to feel his body against mine again but he pulled away.

“Please,” I whispered.

Dank closed his eyes tightly as if he were in pain. “I can’t, Pagan. It would destroy us both.” And then he was gone.



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Chapter Eight


Leif kissed my cheek before leaving me at the door of my English Literature class. I’d started riding to school with him every morning. Each morning it had been increasingly more difficult to leave the presence of Dank and walk into the realness of Leif. After sleeping with Dank’s voice singing in my ear all night, I seemed to crave his presence even more.

An intimacy now existed between us. After having his hands on my body and his lips against my skin, nothing had been the same. He’d lain down beside me last night and held me against him as I fell asleep. I needed Dank. The words he whispered in my ear at night assured me he wanted me too.

He needed me but he was letting some unseen barrier stand between us.

I started over to my desk when I noticed the one behind it remained empty. It was Dank’s usual spot. He would be here soon. I settled into my desk and went ahead and found where we had left off on Friday. Every time I saw someone step in the door from my peripheral vision I glanced up to see if it was Dank. Kendra’s bubbly voice and bouncing blond head came through the door, and he followed her, carrying her books. My gut twisted into a painful knot. I forced myself to look away. He’d said he didn’t like blonds yesterday but the way he gazed down at her affectionately said something else entirely. I stared down at the open book in front of me, not taking in any of the words. I was waiting for Dank to sit down behind me. He never did. Mr. Brown walked into the room whistling and smiled at the class.

“Ah, good to see such excited faces this morning. Isn’t English Literature a joy? What better way to wake up?” he asked in a jovial tone. He turned and wrote this week’s assignment on the board. I wanted to glance back and see where Dank sat today but I refused to let myself. I could feel him staring at me, no doubt waiting to see if I would search for him. Well, I wouldn’t give him the satisfaction. Besides, 83



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he was probably playing with those long blond locks of hair he claimed to hate. He’d whispered that he wanted me. That I was the only one he’d ever needed.

“Can anyone tell me one of the major themes we learned while studying The Eumeides?” Wanting desperately to get my mind off of Dank, I held my hand in the air. Mr. Brown smiled and nodded, “Alright then, Miss Moore.”

“Conflict between the old and the new, between savagery and civilization, between the primal and the rational,” I replied and Mr. Brown clapped his hands.

“Very good. Now, an example of this theme?” He glanced around the room and I raised my hand again. Mr. Brown raised his eyebrows, no doubt in surprise at my sudden desire to join in on class participation. “Pagan?”

“The progression of old to new gods. Zeus overthrew the older generations of gods, and among those ancient deities were the Furies. The Furies became outcasts.” I stopped, not wanting to go any further.

“Good, good, very good. Now, can someone other than Pagan please explain where Apollo fell into this?” The room went quiet and someone giggled. “Kendra maybe you could help us out with an answer,” Mr. Brown aimed his frown back toward the apparent source of the giggle.

“No sir, I have a life outside school work. Not all of us spend all of our extra time studying and tutoring in order to snag a boyfriend.”

Another burst of giggles erupted and Mr. Brown tilted his head to one side. “I don’t believe that’s the proper answer, Kendra, you’ll receive a low mark for today’s participation.