Crushed (Torn #7)(29)

“You don’t look okay,” he observed, voicing out the obvious less than stellar state I was in.

Granted, I hadn’t applied any make-up or bothered doing anything to my semi-wet hair, but looking pretty was the furthest thing from my mind when I had left the house, scrambling to figure out how to confront Rob without alarming him.

Making a wan smile, I avoided his intent gaze.

“I’m just … probably still hung over,” I meekly whispered as I tried to make my way towards the stairs, avoiding any more of his questions I wasn’t ready nor prepared to answer.

Heavily, I could feel his scrutinizing eyes on me, most likely puzzled and worried at my behavior. As much as I wanted to dwell on Cooper and where his thoughts might be, I was too consumed with my own shit storm.

How would I be able to dig myself out of this?

I was lost. I had weaved myself into a web where monsters liked to dwell.

After all that I had gone through with my almost overdose with my prior coke addiction a couple of years back, this was taking me to a dark, cold place, one I hadn’t been in for so long, yet I didn’t have the willpower to stop it.

And I was truly petrified.

This time, I couldn’t falsely comfort myself into believing this was just a process I had to get through to get my family off my back about my addictions. This … This was different.

God help me, because I would need all the courage I could summon, more than anything.

I had such grant optimism leaving Athens after witnessing the marriage of my dear friend to the man she had fought for and loved. Never had it occurred to me that my life was about to be shaken up in such a way, challenging every ounce of my sanity and robbing me of safety and comfort and my self-worth.

Of all things, I hadn’t in a million f*uking light years ever considered this happening to me.

But it had. I was a victim of date rape.





Chapter Sixteen





“Amber?” Brody’s voice came through the door just as he heavily pounded against it. “You’ve been holed up in that room for the last day. Are you sick or something? Do you need medicine?”





In some respects, I was ill. I was sick to my stomach. How could I face him after what had occurred? I was damaged goods now. I was definitely an equivalent of garbage. No decent man would see me the same.

“Amber, open the f*uking door!” he demanded again while fumbling with the door handle, as if it would open the more he messed with it.

Gathering up courage, I held my breath before deciding to respond to him.

“I’m fine. I just need some sleep. I’m still jet-lagged,” I meekly croaked out, hoping he heard my poor excuse.

Although his apparent concern deeply touched me, I was too weak to move from my curled up position in bed. After crashing the prior day, I hadn’t moved from this spot apart from using the bathroom. I remained confined there because it was the safest place I could think of, the only place where I felt as if I could sleep without feeling like someone was going to take advantage of me. Even if there were parties in the house, everyone knew the upstairs was off-limits, or you would get in trouble with the boys.

Cooper and Brody, though they were mostly drunk these days, would do anything to protect me. I knew that much.

“Amber.” He paused, sounding as if he was getting frustrated that I wasn’t giving in to him like I normally would. “If you need anything, I’m here.”

Still and silent, I listened to him with my heart breaking all over again. Thank you, I quietly thought as I clutched my hand against my heart, waiting with bated breath until he left me alone. Brody stood there for a minute or two before I heard his retreating footsteps.

Tomorrow, I had scheduled a check-up with a gynecologist. I knew Rob said he used protection, but in all honesty, I just couldn’t trust any word he said, and it was better to be safe than sorry. The last thing I needed to ice this shitty cake would be a f*uking STD. If he gave me something, I would murder him in his sleep. He could count on it.

I barely slept a wink due to some graphic scenarios plaguing my mind, from different types of sexual diseases to how badly it could have gone for me that night. It was like those things on the news. One would always think they wouldn’t put themselves in such a weak position, but it happened, and now I had to live with the consequences. As a result, I woke up feeling like I was on trial and awaiting verdict.

The moment I was greeted by the doctor, I had to specifically ask for the expedited examination, one where the results would be available in four to five days instead of one week. I supposed someone was feeling sorry for me because everything came back negative. Regardless, those days I waited were full of trepidation and agony.

Also during those times, I barely conversed with Cooper and Brody. I didn’t want to give myself away. They knew me too well, and if I was giving off the explanation of jetlag, I had to stretch it for as long as I could. It wasn’t until the sixth day, the day after I got the clean bill of health, that I decided it was time to get out of the room and stop living in the shadows. I had to face my fears, come what may.

I could recall Trista getting through her terror before by consistently trying to distract herself, always on the go instead of wallowing in the past. As painful as it was, trying to get through day by day was a big step after the kind of trauma I had gone through with Rob. Maybe someday I would get the strength to really confront him the way I wanted to—without fear and without him making me feel as though I didn’t have the right to question anything that happened between us.