Crushed (Torn #7)(34)

He tensed, knowing full well I was serious. “So you’re saying you don’t want it now? That you’re not even willing to give it a thought, a consideration?”

“I honestly don’t know what I want.” My statement was as honest as it could get. It wasn’t as if I was dancing around his question, but to be openly rejected by him and still cling on then get rejected time and time again … Well, that took a toll on my confidence and sanity.

He seemed to have a difficult time finding his voice, but after the second time of clearing his throat, it seemed he found it. “I anticipated some reservations coming from you, but never this. I thought you’d be happy about this. I didn’t expect you to react this way.”

He had a point, and I couldn’t blame him if he was a little miffed. If Trista was here, she would have thought I had lost my mind. I hadn’t, though. In fact, I thought I had just found it.

“I hope you don’t think this is my way of punishing you after all these years. It would be crushing if you did.”

“That sure is one way to look at it. I was f*uked up and too caught up with Lindsey to pay attention to anyone. I guess this is the perfect revenge to f*uk me up.”

“Revenge? Don’t be stupid. I’m not like that at all. Well, not with you, anyway.”

How could he even think such a thing? It wasn’t like I was rejecting him. I loved him for Pete’s sake. Regardless, his intentions came at a bad time, and to be honest, I didn’t trust him to be loyal. The only time I saw him commit to anyone was when he took Lindsey seriously. But I wasn’t kidding myself. I sure wasn’t Lindsey, so hell, the chances of him straying and cheating were highly likely.

“Don’t be angry with me. I’m just being honest with you. I hope you can appreciate that.”

“Oh, I do appreciate it, all right,” he remarked snidely. “I just didn’t expect this from you when I feel so strongly about you … It’s mind-f*uking for me, too.”

He was mind-f*uked? Great, because I was feeling the same way. Besides, it wasn’t as if I could really buy this bullshit now, could I? For a moment there, I might have.

“Maybe it’s just a phase since Carter happened. Maybe it’ll go away soon now that he’s gone for a while.”

Brody’s face darkened. “Like a switch, you mean?” He snorted. “Like I can shut it down whenever I feel like it?”

I shrugged.

Since he thought I had been with Carter for a fun tumble, I was sure he was just acting like a typical male—territorial and all. It wasn’t anything special. It was simply about sex. He wasn’t ever going to love me the way he loved Lindsey, so wishful thinking or not, I best get the f*uk over it.

“Do you mind if I join? You two sure look cozy. Unless, of course, this is a private conversation. In that case, I don’t want to butt in,” Joanna suddenly said, startling us. Then she wiggled her barely covered ass audaciously, making it hard not to snort and roll my eyes at how annoyingly obvious she was being in her attempt to get Brody’s attention. Knowing how he was with women, I was certain he noticed everything that was on offer, bikini and all.

A part of me wanted to pity her. She was just going to end up heartbroken like I was, but another side of me became jealous and territorial, leaving me more annoyed than before.

Addressing Joanna, I directed a glacial look at her. “We’re just talking. You and your butt are both more than welcome plug in to our conversation.”

Joanna giggled, feeling as if invited, even though all I wanted to do was to scratch her eyes out. At this rate, there was no point in hanging around, because I was sure this woman would try to get Brody’s undivided attention. I wouldn’t even put it past her to offer a skinny dip in the ocean so she could freely bounce her boobs as she splashed herself against the waves. It was a typical move, one I had tried before.

Weighing my options, I decided to watch them interact. Like any normal man, Brody liked the attention he was getting, most especially since she seemed to be giving off the green light. I mean, seriously, Joanna was basically waving a white flag, ready to be saddled up and taken for a good ride.

Much as I liked to hate on her and her direct approach when it came to men, I couldn’t help feeling insecure that she could easily do whatever she wanted without shame, while it took me years to have the gall to even flirt with Brody. That was the difference between women like her and myself—the go-getter and the no-confidence, insecure type. Women like me would always lose because we didn’t have the balls to go in for the kill.

With that realization in mind, watching them interact made me nauseas. I felt as if my stomach was being fueled with gasoline before someone decided to light the match and blast it on fire.

Then my phone began to ring, breaking through my dire thoughts. Reluctantly taking my phone out, the least person I had expected to contact me had seemingly come out of the woodwork just to f*uk up my night.

Hey, sweets. Wanna party tonight? The fun is on me as long as you bring your sweet lips.

What the f*uk! How f*uking dare Rob? I seriously wanted to hurl things at him, hurt him, and gut him alive. Did he not know the kind of shit I had to go through after he took advantage of me? And here he was, texting me as if nothing horrible had happened, as if everything was fine. What the flipping f*uk!

My eyes blurred as I shut my phone off, unwilling to receive any more shit from Rob tonight. On the verge of tears, I made a quick excuse to leave, but Brody wasn’t having it.