Carnage: Book #1 The Story Of Us (Volume 1)(18)

My Dad got his lawyers involved in contract negations with the label and the boys secured a pretty good deal with an upfront amount, which prompted them all to focus full time on their music, they were either in the studio in West London or at our place writing new songs, none of this really had any effect on mine and Sean’s relationship. We spent all of our time together and we were still absolutely in love; the only difference it really made to me was the recognition as Sean McCarthy’s girlfriend. I didn’t use it as an excuse to be a bitch but it did pretty much make me queen of the school. Perhaps now, on reflection, people did consider me a bitch but I was never deliberately horrible or spiteful to anyone. I was choosey with my friends and perhaps now, with hindsight, I was very shallow about who I hung about with. I was pretty, my boyfriend was the lead singer in a band, and my parents lived in a nice house in the best part of town. I had nice clothes and never wanted for anything and I didn’t actively seek out friends like me. It just sort of happened. That’s how Ashley ended up hanging around with Jimmie and I when she started at our school at the beginning of our fifth year; Jimmie and I were no angels but Ash was truly wild, we smoked, we drunk, we dabbled in drugs, our boyfriends were older and involved with a band, they tried things, we tried them too. Usually after a gig or at a party and we had never tried anything stronger than weed or whiz; Ashley on the other hand, would happily skin up at school and bragged that she had tried coke and could get hold of it any time we wanted, she had an older brother that served up for a living and was willing to give us a good deal, we didn’t take her up on her offer.

The boys finished recording their album in March of 1985 and spent the next few months doing nothing but rehearse; the tour would be kicking off in Italy in May, they would be away for four weeks and then on tour in England for three weeks in July. Jimmie and I couldn’t go on the European leg of the tour, we were in our last year of school and up to our necks in exams until the end of May, our parents wouldn’t allow us any time off; I was so angry with my Mum and Dad. I would be marrying Sean as soon as I left school, I had turned sixteen the September before and once school was over, nothing would stop us from being together. He was going to be rich and famous, what did it matter whether or not I passed my exams but they wouldn’t listen, agreeing only to pay for flights so I could see them play in Spain at the end of the second week they would be away. I begged, pleaded and even threatened to kill myself at one stage but to no avail, thinking back now, I was lucky that they let me fly to Spain with my best friend at the age of just sixteen but they knew Marley and Lennon would be at the airport to collect us and it was only a two and a half hour flight.

Walking through customs and into the arrivals terminal of the airport in Spain was my first realisation that the boys were now well on their way to fame, the reviews had been good from the live shows and there had been a lot of hype in the music magazines about the album release, which would happen the week before the UK leg of the tour. Jimmie and I only had a small suit case each as we were flying out again on Monday morning, after spending just three nights with the boys but three nights was better than nothing. I had gone beyond butterflies in my belly as I looked out for Sean or Lennon as we walked into the terminal building, my heart began to sink as I looked around and couldn’t see him.

“Dya see them?” Jimmie asked. I shook my head in reply, biting down hard on my bottom lip. What if he’d forgotten about me, met someone else, a page three girl or someone famous, what if he had realised I was just a school girl and he was on his way to being a famous singer. We had spoken every day and he’d said that he loved and missed me but what if he was lying? My head began to spin, I hadn’t been able to eat yesterday and our morning flight had meant that I hadn’t had breakfast this morning, the airport was hot and noisy, I suddenly felt sick and could feel myself sway. I stopped walking and held onto the luggage trolley while I took some deep breaths, as I regained my balance and the room came back into focus. I suddenly noticed the noise, I thought there had been an accident at first, there was so much screaming. Police and security guards started running in the direction of the noise and a crowd was forming.