Borrowing Trouble(24)

“Jay,” Landon whispered. Jay pressed his mouth to Landon’s, and Landon’s whole body sang as he was pushed back into a shelf. The wood dug into his back, but Landon didn’t care as he gripped Jay’s forearms and sucked on his tongue.

They kissed like that for a few moments, Landon feeling lost to the man, until Jay pulled back, wide-eyed. The wonder there gutted Landon. Could Jay really have repressed himself that long and that hard?

“Jay, I have to go soon.” He hated to leave, but he was already behind schedule and he needed to clear his head, which would never happen trapped in that small room with Jay.

Jay reluctantly dropped his hands. “Yeah.” His voice was rough until he cleared his throat. “I’m sorry. I’m losing it.”

“No. Don’t apologize.”

“I don’t want to use you. You just put me at ease. It’s like having Sammy or…” He flushed again. They didn’t have time to get into any more random word vomit now.

“I think your head and your heart need a break,” Landon said. He reached out and gave in to the need to rub the place where Jay’s brows knitted together. “I’m going to give you an option. It’s up to you whether or not to take it.”

Another dubious look from Jay made Landon chuckle. “Okay.”

“So, I’m willing to be your sounding board. I’m not going to judge you.” He sighed. “I’ll be honest, I think about you a lot too. But I want what you think is best for you. I know you have a lot at stake. Just know, my door is open. I’ll be home tonight. Your kids are away. If you want to come to my house and just hang out or talk. I’ll even kiss you again if you twist my arm. But you have to make that choice.” He took the chance, in case it was his last, to run a hand down the side of Jay’s face, rubbing his thumb over those thinned lips. “If you don’t, I won’t be angry. I won’t cry in my beer. I’ll understand.” I hope. “We can be civil and pretend nothing happened. Or you can nut up and figure your shit out.”

Jay’s eyes widened in surprise.

And Landon left it at that. No goodbye kiss. He pulled his hand away and straightened his shirt and ball cap, then left with as much dignity as he could.

He knew he’d done the right thing, but he wanted to beg Jay to come over. Which was dumb because not twenty-four hours ago he was determined he should be done with it all. But if there was a chance, even at just helping Jay figure his shit out, he’d take it.

Or maybe he’d just been lonely too long and felt that connection with Jay. Fuck.

He’d see tonight.





Chapter 11


Jay felt wrung out. Between his godawful headaches, his uncharacteristically racing mind, and his emotional conversation with Landon that morning, he probably could go back to bed and sleep for a week.

Thankfully, work kept him fairly occupied most of the day, catching up with paperwork kept him busy between sorting out equipment issues and helping Ms. Lynne sort out the last few day’s stacks of mileage logs. She’d asked him more than once if he was sure he was up to being back at work, so he must have looked worse than he’d thought.

Of course, by the time he’d gotten off work and headed home for the night, he’d been awake and working for over eighteen hours.

Landon’s offer to come over, even if just to talk, tempted him as he made the journey to his house. There were things left unsaid, yet he’d said more than he ever had in one sitting. He felt a keen guilt that he’d never been that open with his ex-wife. But he felt a comfort around Landon that he’d only felt a couple of times in his life.

He hadn’t told Landon about the time he and Bethany almost split up between her miscarried first pregnancy and her second a couple years later. They were miserable and fighting the better part of a year after the miscarriage and Jay stayed later and later at his job, welding at a machine shop back then. He said it was to earn extra money, but in reality, he’d made another friend like Sammy.

Neil Palmertee had been big and loud and full of life. Jay thought the man was funny and his down to earth attitude was addictive. Jay couldn’t stay away. Again, he hadn’t gotten the implications, the strangeness that his being around another man and thinking the man’s twinkling eyes were so addictive didn’t exactly fit with his being 100% heterosexual.

He’d told Neil things, shared with him in ways he’d felt guilty about at times when Bethany had accused him of being distant. Again, he’d thought it was about men talking about certain things with other men that they didn’t talk about with their wives. That was the way of the world, according to his folks. But thinking back on it, Neil had been his confidant, Bethany an afterthought during that time.

He’d been on the phone with his mother one time, checking in as he did, and he must have mentioned Neil one too many times because she’d been quick to start discussing his failures as a husband. She brought up, again, how he’d worry his daddy if things with Bethany didn’t get back on solid ground.

Jay had been more than a little bitter toward Bethany for having spoken to his mother about their marriage. Bethany knew how easily the woman could guilt him back into toeing the line. That’d almost led to them splitting up, but he’d stayed away from Neil after that. He’d found another job shortly after, to avoid the temptation before even knowing exactly what that temptation had been.