Borrowing Trouble(22)

He walked back and realized quickly that his daddy wasn’t in, his office was still dark. But the door to Jay’s office was slightly ajar, light on and a Sheryl Crow song playing in the background. He started to make his presence known, but thought maybe he should just leave Jay to it. He smiled sadly to himself as he peeked in the cracked-open door. Jay sat at his desk, humming along to the song, writing notes in a ledger.

Landon turned to leave when Jay’s voice rang out. “Come in if you’re coming, Landon.”

Landon couldn’t gauge Jay’s mood by his mild tone. A tiny piece of his silly heart hoped the way Jay’s words sounded had been with a hint of amusement. He pushed on the door and walked in.

“Sorry. The light was on and the door was open. Thought I’d make sure someone hadn’t been dumb enough to leave the office unlocked.” Landon shuffled from foot to foot with his hands in the pocket of his jeans like a kid expecting to be scolded. “Didn’t want daddy starting the day pissed off.”

Jay finished scribbling in his ledger, then dropped his pen and leaned back in his chair. Jay’s tired smile and guarded eyes still gave nothing away. “Never good to have Ricky starting out the day with a thorn in his paw.” Jay stretched, diverting his eyes from Landon’s. Landon took in the sunken cheeks and dark circles under Jay’s eyes. Maybe Jay had actually been sick and not just avoiding Landon.

“Yes, I was actually sick.”

Landon tried not to balk at Jay’s having read his mind. “I feel kind of bad for wondering.” Landon looked down, self derisively.

“Well, I wasn’t just avoiding you,” Jay smirked. At least his tone finally gave away a little humor. Landon huffed a chuckle and looked up at Jay through his lashes, not sure if he wanted to get into a heavy conversation first thing in the morning. He definitely didn’t want to corner Jay if he was tired and not feeling well.

“I get these real bad headaches sometimes. They make me nauseous. Woke up two days in a row with one. I’m pretty much good for nothing but sleeping.” Jay looked Landon in the eye. “I wouldn’t let personal shit affect my job, Landon. That, I promise you.”

“I…” He flinched, remorse settling in. He couldn’t say he didn’t think Jay would, because he’d obviously thought so over the last couple days. “Sorry.”

Jay shrugged it off. “Look, Landon…”

Landon pulled a hand out of his pocket to hold it out in front of him. “Don’t even worry about it.” He didn’t think he could hear the blow-off. He’d already started licking his wounds the day before, no need ripping them open again.

“No. I need to say this.”

Great. Landon tried to set his face in the most impassive mask he could, then gave a single nod. Jay sighed and stood from his chair, coming around to the other side of his desk, leaning against the corner of it as he looked at Landon evenly.

“Jay, it’s really no big deal.”

“No big deal?” Jay’s booming voice echoed off the walls. Jay shrank back, lowered his tone. “No big deal, Landon? I’d say it’s… yes, it’s a big deal.”

“I get it.”

“Do you? Because I don’t.” Jay’s lost expression hurt to see. “I don’t get how someone my age could not know something like this.”

Landon’s head popped up, surprised. “Know what?”

“That I like a man.” Jay’s hands fluttered in front of him as he searched for his words and Landon would have smiled under any other circumstance at how cute the man looked in his confusion. “Like that.”

Don’t get ahead of yourself. Landon’s heart fluttered in his chest, nerves clenching his stomach. “Like that?”

Jay’s lips thinned.

“Jay?” Don’t push.

“No one will understand,” Jay said, barely a whisper. Landon’s chest ached for Jay. If Jay said the word, Landon would hug him right that second, but he didn’t imagine the moment was right.

“I still have a bit before I have to haul out. Why don’t you start from the beginning.” When Jay opened his mouth to protest, Landon shored himself up and took only a fraction of a step closer, going for supportive presence, not overbearing. “You won’t hurt my feelings.” I hope. “And I’m the one person who won’t judge you. I’m not trying to push you, but you obviously need to talk about it.”

“Here, though?” Jay looked around the office.

“Neutral territory, I figure.”

Jay snorted like he didn’t quite think as much.

“Or tell me to f*ck off. I’ll understand. I just—we’re friends, right?”

Landon didn’t like that Jay had to think on that, he wanted to snarl at Jay’s dubious expression. He almost fled, he definitely didn’t need this shit. Things were uncomfortable, and just because Jay hadn’t punched Landon’s lights out yet, didn’t mean he wouldn’t if he felt cornered.

“Yes. We’re friends. This is just a lot to take in and part of me wants to kick your ass.” Landon winced. “Because I feel things for you, Landon. And I’m remembering things I hadn’t ever really thought on.”

Landon tilted his head in question and Jay rubbed his palm over his forehead. “Landon, I’m a simple guy. A redneck, if you wanna go that far.”