Beholden (The Belonging Duet, #2)(65)

My shipmates stand off to the side and begin the military funeral honors. The bugle plays “Taps” and the sounds of people crying grow louder. The sound of that song haunts me.

Two sailors accompany our former Senior Chief who’s presenting the flag to her. He kneels and says the words every woman never wants to hear. The apology that should never come. A grateful f*cking nation my ass. How about telling her we’ll kill the f*ckers who made her have to hold that folded flag.

Mark and I stand watching her sob, holding the baby to her chest. The echo of her cries breaks our stance. We push forward at the same time and each put our hands on her shoulders. Letting her know she’s not alone and we’re here. Even with the throbbing radiating from my leg, I refuse to move. Fuck the pain, because it’s nothing compared to what she’s feeling. Her chest heaves as we stand guard behind her.

I hear the people crying behind me but one sound breaks my hold. The person who matters most to me and the only one I’d be willing to move for. I look over and see Ashton pull her close. I look over at Mark who nods once and puts his hand on Natalie’s other shoulder relieving me from my position.

Walking up behind Catherine, without thinking, my hand drifts up her back and rests on the skin of her shoulder. A jolt runs through me from being this close to her. Within seconds, the feelings I’d managed to push away come barreling forward. I need to touch her and feel her against me.

“Catherine,” my voice is low and full of emotion.

She sobs, falling forward, and Ashton catches her. She shakes in her arms but I won’t move my hand. I can’t stop touching her. I won’t stop. She’s mine and I will protect her. Looking at Ashton she closes her eyes and gives a small nod.

It’s all the permission I need. I grab a hold of Catherine and pull her into my arms. I hold her once again and my world shifts. Her touch, the smell of vanilla hits me, and I can’t f*cking breathe. Everything that matters is in my arms and I won’t let go of her again.

“Catherine, it’s okay,” I say softly, running my hands down her hair. I pull her close not allowing any space between us.

She clutches me and pulls me even closer as she buries her head in my chest. This insanity will end. She’ll know everything today, and she’s not leaving me ever again.

“Jackson,” she cries and takes a deep breath. “Please,” she pleads, but I don’t know what the hell she’s asking for.

Catherine starts to pull back, but I tighten my grip and shift on my leg trying to balance. “I’m not letting go. I need you right now,” I say unashamed.

She nods into my chest as the funeral goes on. Just her being here gives me the strength I need. It allows me to say farewell to my brother-in-arms.

People filter out, but we stand here clutching each other.

Mark removes his pin from his chest and walks to the urn. He closes his eyes and places it down. The moments pass as he stands there saying goodbye silently. After a few minutes, Ashton walks over and places her hand on his shoulder. He grips her hand and they walk away.

It’s my turn. I release Catherine and remove my trident. I grip her face and stare into her eyes. I see all the hurt and pain in her, and I swear I’ll never be the cause of that look again. Once she knows everything we can move forward.

“I have to—”

Catherine’s hand touches my lips silencing me. She leans in and places her lips to mine. I don’t want to f*cking move. I want to stay with her like this forever. When she leans back, I instantly feel her absence.

Without a word I walk over to the urn. I stand there alone for a moment and tell Aaron everything I need to say.

“I’m so sorry. I’ll make sure she’s okay. I’ll be there for Aarabelle and remind her of the man you were. You’ll never be forgotten,” I say quietly hoping somewhere he hears me. I’ll never break the vow I made to him.

I place the pin next to the other five that lay there from members of our team who came to pay their respects. When I turn to grab Catherine’s hand, I see her heading to the car.

The panic sets in. I’m going to lose her.

“Fuck,” I say, trying to move quickly.

Ashton stands there arguing with her, and I pray it gives me enough time to stop her.

She sees me coming and grabs the keys and closes her door.

I stop moving and stare at her as she rushes to get away.

“Get your head out of your ass and fix this mess you’ve created. If you love her, fight like a man. I’m tired of watching you act like a bitch,” Mark says and throws his keys at me. “Follow her.”

I move as fast as I can and get in Mark’s car, ready to chase her. This isn’t over. Not by a f*cking long shot.





Keep driving. Keep your foot on the gas and don’t stop.

I tell myself over and over. Don’t look in the rearview mirror because it doesn’t matter. It’s behind me. I have to keep moving forward and pretend that I didn’t allow myself to feel again.

One touch was all it took.

One word crumbled the walls I’d rebuilt.

If I’d stayed there he would’ve broken me down. I could see it in his eyes. He wasn’t going to let me go. So I did as I promised myself before I went—I let him go first. I protected myself from yet another round of heartbreak. Which is all that seems to come from Jackson and I. We hurt each other whether it’s intentional or not. The damage is still the same and I’ve had enough to last me a lifetime.