Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(114)

I sighed. With the quick intake of air the burning persisted in my dry throat. Each breath brought me pleasure and torture. Mainly torture, though her scent reminded me of how alive she is.

"Edward..." she mumbled in her sleep.

This was not the first time this evening that she murmured my name in her sweet magical voice. Each sound or movement was watched by me as she continued to tangle herself in the sheets.

I couldn't help but worry that she wasn't having a good dream. I was a monster after all.

She woke a few times in the night, startled from her dream - or nightmare - but I was stealthy enough to hide. She never caught me but I wondered what she would think if she did. Would she finally scream? Would she shriek at the sight of the peeping tom that I had become? Would she turn her deep gaze towards me and beg me to leave and never come back?Anguish fell over me at the thought. This must be why I continued to hide every time I saw her eyes flutter.

She tossed again, holding her pillow tightly while a small sigh escaped her lips.

"Edward...mmmmm."

Once again my heart leapt at the sound of my name on her breath.

As the night progressed she settled into a deeper sleep, finally calm and unmoving. In the earlier hours of the morning I saw her shudder and watched as goose bumps arose on her skin.

Without thought I was standing, walking over to her, leaning down, hand out stretched before my mind finally caught up with my actions. Indecision was deep in my thoughts.

Another breath.

More fiery thirst.

I wasn't sure if it was the monster or my protective side, but without thinking I reached out to unravel her blanket to cover her. As I slowly moved the blanket over her I accidently touched her arm. Or was it an accident?

It was if a million little electrodes sent pleasant shocks down my spine. I closed me eyes to take in her aroma.

She was soft...warm.

I quickly held my breath but realized that if I were going to stay with her that I had to overcome my thirst, my ever growing desire to crush her to my body and dig my teeth deep into her neck.

Another breath.

My mouth was instantly full of venom. The monster inside of me was clawing at my chest bones, trying to break free of my body and drink the most delicious blood that ever existed. I grabbed at my chest trying to push the monster back in when suddenly I felt something vibrate. It was my phone.

Alice. I swallowed the pool of venom pouring into my mouth.

Leaping out of her window I answered the phone. I opened my mouth to speak but before I could say hello Alice began pleading in her bell voice.

"Edward! Please!"

My hand automatically met the bridge of my nose. She was my favorite and the most irritating of my family.

She continued without pause.

"I keep getting flashes of you killing Bella! If you kill her I will be very upset. I haven't even had the opportunity to talk to her," her voice was petulant.

I gritted my teeth and breathed in the light morning air around me. The fresh air cleared my head making the monster retreat. How had I let things get out of hand? Why did I have to put my hand in the cookie jar?

"Alice," I breathed.

She interjected.

"Please, just be careful, Edward! Your future has been changing erratically...I never know what is going to happen with you anymore." I could almost hear her pout.

I sighed because she was right. The easy flow of my future had taken a wild spin and even I couldn't tell her what my plans were from day to day anymore.

"I won't hurt her, Alice," I said with chagrin.

"You better not!" It was a command. "I'll see you soon." She hung up the phone.

I groaned. Was I really that close? I didn't think I was. Looking back up at her window I decided it was okay for me to check on her - just one more time - tonight.

Her small chest was moving up and down evenly along with her steady breath. She was still sound asleep. Safe. Her protector kept her free from danger.

But didn't protect her from himself, I growled internally. I was going to have to work on that.

The light of a new day began to peak over the tops of the trees, sending blue tints across the grey clouds that accompanied the sky.

My mind was racing around with what this new day would bring me as I was soaring through the forest at a ferocious velocity back towards home. The questions I would ask her...the responses I would receive. To just dive in and understand her mind, to know what she was thinking.

My thirst instantly became secondary to her knowing mind. My curiosity was aching like a thirst.

Thirst, I thought warily.

I needed to hunt. I needed more blood to help dilute the intense sensations that came over when I was around Bella. I'd do it now, while I was out - one more time - just in case it wasn't true after all, that my ravenous desire to have her was second to her.

I closed my eyes, letting my nose take over.

Deer, I groaned. Ugh.

I still raced towards it and quenched my ever burning throat, letting the warm blood soak into my dry and frozen throat. Gluttonous. That is what I had become. If I shook myself you might even hear the blood slosh around in me.

But, there was no blood that would ease this ache...this hollow yearning. I pushed the animal off of me with disgust and realized my need for a shower and fresh clothes.

When I arrived at home I ran into Rosalie in the garage.

Great, I thought. Exactly what I need.