Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(113)

I placed my hand over my eyes and slouched even deeper in the chair. If I sunk down any lower I'd fall right off of it.

Then thought of her deep chocolate brown eyes looking at me with tears as I said goodbye made my un-beating heart ache. The memory of her tear stained face flashed across my mind.

Would she cry? If I left, would she even care? She shouldn't. I sighed. She really does embrace danger, or maybe the right word was Entice.

I thought about Alice's vision. I pinched the bridge of my nose at the recollection. The more I thought about it the harder it was for me to imagine being alone with her without breaking or damaging her. Why did Alice put these thoughts in my head? I don't want to hurt Bella, but I don't know how much more I could take!

Being in Bella's presence with the aroma, her warmth...so brave and trusting... not touching her was going to become a problem. Her skin - so soft...electric. I started imaging her warm and cradled comfortably in my arms - lightly touching her face and pulling my hands through her hair. Before I could get too deep into that daydream I had to make a decision and fast.

Regardless of what my decision should be, I was a selfish creature and refused to go. Leaving the girl isn't an option, I decided. She was a danger to herself and she needed me to protect her, I lied effortlessly.

I shook my head as I ultimately determined I was still going to take her to the meadow. I will give her the chance to see me for who I am, I promised myself. Maybe she would finally learn how dangerous I am and run away screaming.

I won't kill her, though. I love her. I tried to convince myself that love was enough. The love I felt for her was so exquisite it was nearly pain because I knew there were only two options left for her now.

No, those won't be her only options. I will make this work. Three options. She could grow old and live out her life, but with me in tow.

Only a few seconds had passed during my reprieve. Carlisle and Esme looked fixedly at me. Their confidence in me was overwhelming. They honestly believed in me, trusted that I wouldn't hurt her. Maybe Judas did have the corner on the betrayal market.

As I saw the conviction in their faces, something deep inside of me settled. I stood up, surveyed their loving faces and the inner workings of my brain and my non-beating heart finally accepted her fate. Option three.

She will live, I'll look after her and she will live, I determined. As long as I was around, no one would ever harm her because I would break them limb from limb if they even attempted, or even if they possibly thought it. Her vampire protector. Forever.

"It seems I can't stay away from her." I grimaced, but deep inside I was glowing.

I don't want him to stay away from her; he's been a different person since she came into his life,Esme thought cheerfully.

Carlisle grinned, his thoughts in sync with Esme.

I sighed, but the sound wasn't as pained as before. It was almost...joyous.

Striding swiftly from the room I realized it was no longer silent in the house. I could hear faint mutterings from Rosalie. Instantly I shoved her constant jeering from my mind.

Deep down, Rosalie's problem with Bella really was pure jealousy. She hated that Bella was human because she wanted to be human. But I thought her warm, trusting humanness was Bella's best quality.

Edward!Alice bellowed from her head while skipping up the stairs towards me.

The cloudy, blurry vision from earlier today was instantly clear. No longer did she see Bella's lifeless form lying in the bracken of the forest floor. My eyes no longer glowed that ominous red.

When she reached me at the top of the stairs she grinned widely while practically jumping on me to wrap her tiny arms around my neck.

"Thank you, Edward!" Alice was jubilant.

I nodded and returned her hug, releasing her quickly because I was on a mission.

Have fun at Bella's. I suppose you won't tell her hi for me, will you?

For the first time since I entered the house this afternoon, my lips twitched up into a smile, completely opposite from my previous grimace. My stomach was doing back flips at the thought of being with her again.

I couldn't stand being away from her any longer.

I dashed through the forest towards her house as if someone was lighting a fire beneath my feet. As I took off I heard faded thoughts from Alice.

I wonder what happened to change the vision? I hope Edward starts letting me hang out with her. Just two more days...She was counting down. Then I saw images of her dressing a blushing Bella up and playing with her hair like she was a doll.

I rolled my eyes, but instantly craved for this to come true.

I was sitting in the rocking chair in Bella's room. Her warm delicious scent was swirling around me and I was sucking it slowly into my lungs with each breath. I was willing myself to stay away from her. A feat much harder than one would realize.

Tonight, she was not sleeping soundly. I watched as she tangled herself into the blankets early on in the evening.

I stood. Realizing I was unable to help her, I sat. The chair was my prison, holding me in my seat. She was the dessert across the table from a kid who had to eat broccoli. The temptation would never go away, yet each second I grew stronger against my will to rush over and hold her. I couldn't allow myself to do something so foolish. It was about her now. What she wants, what she needs. I had to toss my selfishness away as best I could, even though my presence was selfish enough.

She tossed again. I got up once more, my hands reaching out like I could help. My touch was too cold...wrong. I seated myself back into my prison.