Midnight Sun (Twilight #1.5)(110)

I marched past Alice where she was sitting on the stairs, her face rested on her hands, her lower lip jutting out slightly from her upper. I ignored her pouting, knowing it was because of her vision that was bringing her into this trepidation. And her vision was wrong.

I clenched my teeth together as I spoke, making my words almost incoherent "I'm strong."

I'm brave enough, I tried to convince myself.

"I won't hurt her, Alice. Your vision is impossible!"

I'm begging you, she continued to plead.

Her anguish was beginning to weigh on me. I shoved her mental insight from me viciously. How could I possibly bring death to her?

I wanted - no - I needed Bella. The necessity to hold her, my hunger...my thirst for her was exponentially growing at a sizable intensity. But, it wasn't my thirst that I was craving the most; I desired for her, longed for the face, the voice, that accompanied the fragrance.

I moved swiftly up the stairs so quick, in fact, a normal human wouldn't have seen me.

Slowly opening the door to my potential sentencing I entered Carlisle's office. His face was so close to the book he was reading that his nose was nearly touching the pages.

Association between PPI's and spontaneous bacterial peritonitis...His eyes moved up the page until they left the book flowing upward towards my face which was perfectly mirrored in his eyes. Guilt was resolutely displayed across my face.

I looked away.

Esme, joyfully flitting around the room, was re-organizing the bookshelves in effort to make room for new books Carlisle had just purchased. She caught my glance when I entered the room.

Edward!She beamed.

She didn't consciously think her name but to some extent of reasoning her mind was radiating the essence of Bella's presence that always accompanied me. The fond attachment she had formed for Bella, without ever meeting her, brought a hazardous new light upon being with her. If it were up to Esme, Bella would already be transformed into a vampire. My obvious love was enough for her to wish this often, though she would never voice her desires.

Each second I grew closer to Bella was another second that was being taken from her life. My thirst. My love for her. Which one was stronger? Would they intermingle and make her a vampire?

Risky. My thought was fleeting because I knew that I wouldn't leave her alone and that I wouldn't change her. What was the future, her fate? The internal struggle of her inevitable future began nagging at me almost as bad as Rosalie thought's that were now blaring in my head.

This wasn't something I could run from. Maybe Carlisle would have the answer. The strong desire for advice wasn't approaching quick enough. I was growing impatient at all the courtesies.

Hello Edward. His mental tone showed no inflection that he knew of Bella's knowledge.

Good; Rosalie kept her trap shut, another surprise on top of the already growing pile of shocking news that I seemed to be attracting. Would this news, this information, prove my malefaction?

Now that I was standing here, ready to concede my guilt to him, I didn't know what to say, speech wouldn't form. How do you tell someone you deeply care for, more than that, your creator...your father that you betrayed their family - my family - for a mere human girl?

But to me she wasn't just ahuman girl - she was thehuman girl, the only one that ever truly mattered.

Carlisle read my expression, his thoughts scattering in every direction, dancing in his mind before he settled on being alarmed at my facial expression. My calm fa?ade must have faded.

What is it Edward? What is wrong? Is Bella...his thoughts trailed off, but I knew the direction they were heading.

Luckily, his concern for that subject was unnecessary.

For now.

"Carlisle, I...she..." I hesitated, pausing.

I didn't know how to tell my family, those who loved me the most, that I was Judas made flesh. A betrayer.

Carlisle raised an eyebrow at my state of irresolution.

"Edward? Is everything all right?" he asked incredulously, bringing attention to our conversation.

Esme turned at his words, bringing her thoughts and concentration to the open dialog.

Ignoring their stares I continued to sway on the spot, standing there with my mouth halfway open like a gold fish out of water gasping for air. The words failed me.

Would this, of all things, break their faith in me? No one had so absolutely guessed our secret before, learned our truths. If my heart was alive, beating, I swear even a human would be able to hear it. There was only venom in my veins - the one thing that would inevitably bring Bella to her death.

Death. No, this couldn't be the end. Her knowledge wouldn't condemn her, I refused. Would this be Carlisle's conclusion, just like it had been for the rest of the family? I would fight against them, if this is what they decided.

"Edward?" Esme prodded.

I had to tell them what she knew; no doubt Rosalie will make sure they were aware if I didn't confess this soon. It's better if they hear it from me, but still, the words wouldn't escape my lips. How do you confess a betrayal? It's much more difficult than I thought it would be.

Feeling guilty, Edward? Rosalie sneered mentally. What a surprise! I can't believe you. Once again I had to shove Rosalie's thoughts from my mind. The barrier was harder to put into place when my concentration was being pulled in so many directions.

Besides the aggressively hostile nature of Rosalie, everyone else was silent, the dead air making it evident that everyone was eavesdropping at this ultimate of pivotal moments, surely waiting to hear my betrayal, or ultimately deciding her fate for me. None of them dared to think it. Not now. Not after I had already fought so hard to keep her alive.