The Friendship List(104)

In love? With her? Keith?

Her legs started to give out so she sank into a chair and stared at him. There were no words, no thoughts, just total and complete shock.

“That’s what I thought,” he said, sounding more resigned than angry.

Before she could stop him, he’d headed for the front door and was gone.



twenty-six


Unity stood in the master bedroom, staring at the made bed—the one that had never been used. She thought about her plans for the remodel and how she’d been so excited to pick out tiles and fixtures and do the work herself. Only now she couldn’t summon the energy to do any of that. Once again she was going through the motions of living when in truth she was—

“What?” she asked aloud. “Dead inside? Or am I just scared?”

Scared of living and scared of moving forward and scared of being alone. Because as long as she lived as if Stuart was still with her, she wasn’t alone. Not really. She could pretend that her grief was so large, it left no room for things like trying again or growing or failing.

She’d managed to rent office space and hire a couple of guys, but that wasn’t enough. She spent her days feeling slightly sick to her stomach. She was avoiding her friends, she was missing Thaddeus more than she’d thought possible. She was a mess and there was an uncomfortable sameness to all the feelings swirling through her.

“I’m tired of myself,” she whispered, then said it again, more loudly. “I am tired of myself. Of all of this. I can’t do it anymore. I can’t be sad. I can’t be alone and afraid and stuck and all those things. I can’t. I won’t. I won’t.”

She turned and headed for the front door, grabbing her car keys along the way. Forty minutes later, she was back home. She carried in a dozen moving boxes and began taking family photos off the wall.

She wrapped them carefully, placing them standing up in the box. Picture by picture, she emptied the hallway wall. She didn’t linger, didn’t pause to trace the lines of Stuart’s face, she kept moving until they were all packed. Then she stared at the empty space and waited for her heart to break.

Only it didn’t. It stayed right there in her chest, beating steadily, reminding her that she was alive and healthy and still relatively young. So what was next?

By three that afternoon, all the pictures in the house were packed. By six, she’d taken down the posters in Stuart’s bedroom, had packed up his trophies and started a donation pile in the living room. By seven, she was tired and sad, but functional. She went into the kitchen, poured herself a shot of tequila and downed it in a single gulp, then she reached for her cell phone.

One of her sources of income was local real estate agents who hired her to do a quick spruce on a house ready to go to market. She knew who she liked and who she thought was fair. After scrolling through her contact list, she pushed a button.

“Felicity, it’s Unity. I would like to talk to you about a listing for a house here in Willowbrook.”

“Great. Let me grab a pen so I can take some notes. Who are the owners?”

“I am. It’s my house and I want to put it on the market.”

  “I’m fainting. This is me fainting.”

Ellen threw herself back on the sofa and closed her eyes. Unity’s wan chuckle drew her upright.

“You’re really that shocked?” Unity asked.

Ellen stared at her. “That you’re selling Stuart’s house? Yes, I’m shocked. Or stunned. We can go with that.”

When Ellen had called her friend to ask if they could get together and talk, she’d never expected Unity to be the one with the unexpected announcement. But she had been. Before Ellen could even bring up Keith, Unity had said she was listing the house. As in selling it. Just like that.

“What will you do?” she asked. “Where will you go?” She pressed a hand to her chest. “You’re not moving out of town, are you? I don’t think I could take that.”

“I’m not moving away, but I am moving out of the house. I’ve already rented a condo. One of those horrible new ones by the north end of town. It’s nothing I want, but I only have a six-month lease. I need to consider my options.”

“That sounds so adult and rational. Are you really okay?”

Unity raised a shoulder. “I’m trying to be.”

Ellen searched her face. There were smudges from a lack of sleep, but otherwise, her friend looked good. Determined and a little sad, but very much herself.

“You’re moving on,” she said softly.

“I have to,” Unity admitted. “I’m getting annoying, even to myself. I can only imagine what everyone else has been thinking.”

Ellen smiled at her. “That we love you.”

“Thank you for being so patient. I didn’t realize how incredibly determined I was to stay in one place. I was going through the motions. It was like my grief was a badge of honor.”

“You’re not the first person to do that. What about Thaddeus?”

At the question, Unity’s mouth drooped and her shoulders rounded.

“I don’t know.”

“But you still like him, don’t you? I thought he was a great guy.”

Unity nodded slowly. “He is and he’s been really good to me. I miss him so much.”