The Friendship List(108)

Her doorbell rang. She opened it and saw Lissa standing on the porch.

“Hi,” she said, stepping back to let the teen inside.

“Can we talk?” Lissa asked.

“Sure.” Ellen motioned to the sofa. “What’s going on?”

Lissa perched on the edge of a cushion, twisting her hands together. “It’s about my dad.”

Ellen sat suddenly as all the strength left her legs. “Is he okay?”

“Oh, nothing happened. That wasn’t what I meant.” Lissa looked at her and swallowed. “Is it because of me? Is that why you don’t want to be with him? That I won’t go away to college? Because if I’m the problem, I can go somewhere so you can get together.”

Ellen heard the words but couldn’t process them at first. When the meaning finally sank in, she reached for the teen and held her tight.

“Is that what you think? I’m so sorry. Of course it’s not you. Lissa, I love you. I hope you know that. You’re great and I’m so proud of you for knowing what you want and don’t want. That’s huge. Some people go their whole lives without ever figuring that out.” She drew back a little and smiled. “I would really like to have you in my life more. You’re fun and smart and easy to be around. Plus, I need you for fashion advice.”

Lissa relaxed a little. “Then why don’t you want to be with my dad? I thought you were in love with him. Was I wrong?”

“It’s complicated.”

“How? Is it because of all the other women who are constantly throwing themselves at him? You know he doesn’t care about them. Dad’s really loyal. He was faithful to my mom the whole time.” She wrinkled her nose. “I heard them fighting about that once. She was mad he hadn’t cheated because it would have given her a reason to leave sooner. Which didn’t make sense to me because not cheating is a good thing.”

Lissa paused. “You didn’t answer my question. Was I wrong when I thought you loved him?”

“I...” Ellen had no idea how to answer that, mostly because she wasn’t sure how she felt about anything. Who defined love? If she admitted she loved Keith, then she was the one defining the emotion for herself. Did it work that way?

“I don’t know what he expects from me,” she said with a sigh.

“Why don’t you ask him?”

Duh. She could do that. Keith was always straightforward with her. There were no secret rules that if she broke, she would have to pay a price.

“He’s not my parents,” she whispered. “He’s not like them.”

Lissa’s expression turned wary. “What does that have to do with anything?”

Ellen stood and laughed. “I will tell you another time. But right now I have to breathe in the fact that your father is a very good man who would never try to use his feelings to manipulate me or punish me or anything else.” She pressed her hands to her chest. “Your dad said he loved me. I can’t believe I didn’t say anything back. I can’t believe I let him walk away thinking, well, I don’t know what, but something bad.”

She turned to Lissa. “Where is he?”

Lissa grinned. “He’s at home. I’m going to go hang out with Luka for a while and I won’t be back until after dinner. Just so you know.”

Ellen smiled at her. “Use a condom.”

“You, too.”

Ellen ran to get her handbag, then hurried to her car. It took what felt like ages to drive the couple of miles between their homes. She parked next to his truck, then raced up to the front door. Thankfully it was open as it always was. She hurried inside to his study where he sat staring at his computer.

“I’m in love with you,” she announced.

He looked up, obviously startled.

“Don’t say anything,” she continued. “Let me get this out. I’m in love with you. I think I have been from when we first met, but I didn’t know what love was and I didn’t date so it never occurred to me to be more than friends or that I would want to be more than friends.”

She took a step toward him. “I didn’t react before, when you said you loved me, because I was scared. It’s not that I want to be with other guys or that you’re my test boyfriend. I was holding back because I was afraid of the rules. That you would treat me like my parents did. I liked what we had because it was so easy and comfortable and amazing and great, but now I realize it’s not because we were playing, but because I’m in love with you.”

She paused to catch her breath. “It’s not just the sex, although I really like that. It’s you and me and how we are together. I want to be here for you. A real partner. I want this to be everything you want it to be. A committed relationship.” She realized she’d been talking a long time and he hadn’t said a word. “Unless you’ve changed your mind or something.”

He continued to study her for several seconds before standing up, circling the desk, taking her face in his hands and kissing her. Really kissing her. With lips and tongue and passion and promise.

She wrapped her arms around him, leaning against him, feeling the love wash over her. When he drew back, he said, “I haven’t changed my mind.”

“I’m glad.”

“I love you.”