The Candy House(83)
JJ
Lulu→Jules
Dear Jules,
Is there a way to reassure you of my good intentions while also promising you that I would not joke about such a thing?
Awaiting your reply, Lulu
P.S. Would you be comfortable sharing contact info for the dry-cleaning service you mentioned? I have a dress that is badly stained, and I’m desperate to restore it to its former state.
Jules→Lulu
I think we should meet in person (assuming that you are not sharing your consciousness to the collective). You are in NYC, correct? Happy to come to you sometime next week.
JJ
Ashleigh Avila→Dolly Peale
Dear Dolly Peale,
I was thrilled beyond belief to learn from your daughter, Lulu Kisarian, that you are willing to participate in a documentary about Kitty Jackson’s relationship with General B and its historic consequences. Now I’m wondering how many players from 2008 we can round up? I’m imagining you, Kitty, Lulu, the photographers who captured images of General B and Kitty together, and military and political experts who can speak to General B’s resulting pivot toward democracy.
What we’re missing is someone from General B’s circle who can describe events from that side. Might you be able to dig up your contacts from the former regime and see if any are still alive and reachable?
With best wishes, Ashleigh Avila
Lulu Kisarian→Ames Hollander
Dear Ames Hollander,
The journalist Jules Jones passed along your email. I understand you have a dry-cleaning business that specializes in removing deeply embedded stains. I have a friend in need of this type of cleaning. How can I put him in touch with you?
Awaiting your reply, Lulu Kisarian
Ames Hollander→Lulu Kisarian
Dear Lulu:
Please have your friend contact me via Mondrian, a more secure network that will make him jump through several hoops to ensure our communication is private.
Ames Hollander
Lulu→Ames VIA MONDRIAN
Hi Ames, it’s Lulu Kisarian. How can my friend describe his dry-cleaning problem if he is being surveilled from within?
Ames→Lulu VIA MONDRIAN
Lulu, please advise your friend to CLOSE HIS EYES while typing out his dry-cleaning needs, and to press “send” BEFORE opening his eyes.
Ames Hollander
Lulu→Ames VIA MONDRIAN
Ok short vrsion sory for mistakes I was ctzn agent for six months incl data surge gunsht wound and hotspot rscue suspect I am still being monitrd can sense other eyes looking thru my eyes other ppl listning inside my head is agony would do anything to stop this inclding endmy life but wld hurt others too much we have twins eight months need cleaning please husband Joseph Kisarian works for NSA it may be him they are spying on Ames→Lulu VIA MONDRIAN
Dear Lulu,
I can absolutely help your friend with those stains, but I’m upstate and only in New York City a few days each month. My cleaning shop is hard to find, but since Jules has been there before, I will make the appointment directly with him. Please have your friend deal with Jules directly going forward.
Thanks for the referral!
Ames Hollander
Jules Jones→Bosco Baines
Dear Bosky, long time. Belated thanks for the ice cream, which I look forward to each Xmas more than I like to admit. Not sure how your chocolate chips manage to be melty, not waxen. Ah, the wonders, the mysteries.
How is your health? Assuming good, I’m curious whether you might be in the market for a gonzo journalism caper involving travel, speedboats, and a movie icon who apparently knows all your lyrics. Thoughts?
Yours, JJ
Bosco→Jules
Health excellent. New hips and new knees have me feeling frisky. Lost 80 pounds in the past ten years, eat your heart out. This caper is expenses-paid I take it? Be fun to see you again, old man, even on a speedboat.
Jules→Bosco
Commencing starvation diet. Downloading abs app. Caper is still pie in the sky, but that’s how all good things begin, right?
Love you, old man, JJ
4
Eric Platt→Jazz Attenborough
Dear Mr. Attenborough,
We have received an interview query too intriguing to reject out of hand as I normally do. Potent elements: Bosco from the Conduits; Jules Jones (author of Suicide Tour), and speedboats. Any interest?
Sincerely, Eric Platt
3rd Assistant to Jazz Attenborough
Jazz Attenborough→Eric Platt Sounds like a hoax. You’ve checked it out?
Eric→Jazz
Dear Mr. Attenborough,
Sorry, got overexcited. Will check now.
Sincerely, Eric Platt
3rd Assistant to Jazz Attenborough
Jazz Attenborough→Carmine DeSantis
New 3rd assistant a disaster. Please find another.
Carmine DeSantis→Jazz Attenborough
Will start looking, but background checks take time. Have you read the scripts?
Jazz→Carmine
Remind me?
Carmine→Jazz
Grandpa; Santa; Undersea Cave-Warlock.
Jazz→Carmine
No, no, and no. Want sexier roles. How can I get paired with younger stars?
Carmine→Jazz
Grandpa, Santa, Undersea Cave-Warlock!!
Jazz→Carmine