The Candy House(80)
Awaiting your reply, Lulu
Kitty→Lulu; bcc: Ashleigh Avila
Dear Lulu,
You’ve made me think back on that crazy voyage to X for the first time in soooooo long. But wait a sec… how could I have been a grown-up 26 years ago when I’m only 26 now? ;-) Can’t deny it, your mama saved my ass. Please give her a big smackeroo from me.
So, Jazz. He’s a notorious dog, as you probably know. Hardly a spring chicken but still sexy and in great physical shape. Like most die-hard flirts, he’s a liar: told me HE was the reason I’d been offered the costar role (later found out he’d pushed for Anne Hathaway). Also said he’d been trying for years to work with me (false). But once the bullshit was out of the way, I adored him. We both love the Conduits and no matter what song I named, he could sing every lyric in perfect tune!
More you want to know? Anything you can tell me about WHY you want to know? Holy crap about your shoulder. Do you have kids btw?
xxxxooooKitty
Ashleigh Avila→Kitty Jackson
Unless you have a death wish, DO NOT EVER write an email like that again. If this “Lulu” person even is who she says she is—and we have no idea—God only knows what she’s up to. “Overseas service”? “Reconstructed shoulder”? WTF!!! Bottom line: she forwards your musings about JA to five friends and your career ends.
Kitty→Ashleigh
Calm down. It takes more than that to sink a career. Remember, I’ve done it once.
Ashleigh→Kitty
Yeah, and you were 22 and gorgeous then. Now you’re, um, 51 and gorgeous. [Insert empty flattery about how incredible you look for your age.]
Kitty→Ashleigh
Honesty appreciated. Now go fuck yourself.
Ashleigh→Kitty
Btw, just spent some time searching your visit to X in 2008. No reference to any Lulu, but I do see mention of “publicist Dolly Peale.” Did you know she’s the same one who did time in 2007 after her lighting fixtures melted and dumped boiling oil on 700 people????
Kitty→Ashleigh
Get up earlier. That’s WHY she took the job of whitewashing General B’s atrocities. Kid to feed, etc.
Ashleigh→Kitty
Ever consider a book/doc about that history?
Kitty→Ashleigh
Signed multiple nondisclosure agreements. Also have a bad memory (was drinking heavily then).
Ashleigh→Kitty
General B died two years ago, so those agreements would be void. Own Your Unconscious would solve the memory problems. Worth considering a doc? The untold story of Kitty Jackson’s love affair with General B, and X’s resulting turn toward democracy??? Could give you a huge boost!!!
Kitty→Ashleigh
Ah yes, a year has passed since your last documentary brainwave. Should have expected another. [Insert empty reassurance that I support your creative dreams and have total faith in your filmmaking genius.]
Kitty Jackson→Jazz Attenborough
Hi Jazzy,
Hey, what happened to our plan of eating oysters and drinking white wine when shooting was finished? Guess you say that to all the girls you sing along with.
Unrelated topic: a music producer friend of mine, female, has asked me to put her in touch with you. May I?
Xxxxoooo Love, Kitty
Jazz Attenborough→Kitty Jackson Darling, please tell her no. Oysters and white wine any time. In Belize until end May. Hugs, JA Lulu Kisarian→Kitty Jackson
Dear Kitty,
To your other question, I have eight-month-old twins, a boy and a girl named Omar and Festa. They are beautiful living creatures who make me cry a lot, maybe because THEY cry a lot, being babies, and also my shoulder injury.
Would you be willing to pass along contact info for Jazz Attenborough so I can approach him directly? He will never know it came from you, I promise.
Awaiting your reply, Lulu
Kitty→Lulu; bcc: Ashleigh Avila
Twins!!!! OMG I hope you have mega nannies. As for me, I currently keep eight horses. I guess you could call them my babies. Not sure I have JA’s email, will search but not optimistic.
xxxxooooLove, Kitty
Ashleigh Avila→Kitty Jackson
Kitty please just give her JA’s contact. If you decide to pursue the documentary idea we’ll need her, and especially her mother, to cooperate.
Kitty→Ashleigh
Can’t. I already asked JA and he said no.
Ashleigh→Kitty
He’ll never make the connection. You’re less on his mind than you think.
Kitty→Ashleigh
I may be more on his mind than YOU think!
Ashleigh→Kitty
!!!! What’d I miss?
Kitty→Ashleigh
I NEVER kiss and tell, as you should know by now.
Ashleigh Avila→Lulu Kisarian
Dear Ms. Kisarian,
I hope you won’t take it amiss that my client, Kitty Jackson, has bcc’d me on your correspondence. Here is Jazz Attenborough’s personal contact, but you didn’t get it from me! And Kitty would be furious with me if she knew I was going around her, so please do not tell her!
With best wishes, Ashleigh Avila
Lulu→Ashleigh
Dear Ashleigh,
Thank you so much! I hereby disavow any knowledge of where this information came from.