The Candy House(82)
Bitch I am actually angry with you.
Kitty→Ashleigh
Lmk when tantrum ends. Asking myself if I really need an assistant, esp. one who knows nothing about dressage?
Kitty→Ashleigh
Hell-oo-ooo. Still tantruming?
Kitty→Ashleigh
Asking myself: if we’re not speaking anymore, why am I paying you?
Ashleigh→Kitty
Because no one else would put up with your sorry ass.
Kitty→Ashleigh
I love you, too.
3
Lulu Kisarian→Jules Jones
Dear Jules Jones,
I am a longtime admirer of your work, especially Suicide Tour, the most amazing book-length work of rock-and-roll journalism I’ve ever read. I’m also a family friend: your sister, Stephanie Salazar, worked with my mother, Dolly Peale, for many years, and you taught me to play Dungeons & Dragons with Chris and Colin (RIP) in a game I joined occasionally. I led Bennie Salazar’s marketing team starting in college, helping to produce Scotty Hausmann’s Footprint Concert among many others.
I’m writing now with an out-of-the-blue request: would you have any interest in interviewing Hollywood icon Jazz Attenborough about his passion for speedboats? I’m well aware of your dislike of celebrity culture, but Attenborough is apparently a huge Conduits fan, knows all their lyrics, and will doubtless have read Suicide Tour. Please let me know.
Awaiting your reply, Lulu Peale Kisarian
Jules Jones→Lulu Kisarian
Dear Lulu,
I remember you. Dimples, right? Wasn’t your character a spy?
Couple of questions:
1. What publication is seeking an interview with Jazz Attenborough?
2. Whom are you representing?
Yours, JJ
Lulu→Jules
Dear Jules,
I left out that information because I feared that the answers might not please you. Honest reply: there is no publication yet. My goal is to pitch this project to Jazz Attenborough AFTER you have signed on. In other words, your name and clout are essential to the success of this undertaking.
Hoping flattery and curiosity will outweigh frustration and impatience.
Awaiting your reply, Lulu
Jules→Lulu
You still haven’t answered my second question: What is your part in all this? Is it a moneymaking venture for you (hard to believe)?
With candor on my side, cursory digging reveals that your husband is Joseph Kisarian of National Security. If this “story idea” is a ruse to pry into my life, please just say so. I have mental health issues that make me prone to paranoia, and I cannot manage uncertainties in this realm. If government agents want to question me, they are welcome, anytime.
Yours, JJ
Lulu→Jules
Dear Jules,
Sorry for alarming you! This has nothing to do with NSA or Joe, who recently returned to work after a 9-month leave of absence for the birth of our twins (now 8 months old). This journalism project is “moonlighting” for me (note that it is 3am!), and Joe is not even aware of it. He has plenty else on his mind.
I have private reasons for wanting to meet with Jazz Attenborough, but they won’t mean anything to him, which is why I’m taking this extremely roundabout route.
Awaiting your reply, Lulu
FWD: Jules Jones→John Hall
See below. If Jazz Attenborough were willing, are there advantages for me? I’m fully on target to meet my book deadline and this would not interfere.
JJ
John Hall→Jules Jones
Sure: remind the world before pub that you can do f-ing anything, incl ride speedboats w/celebs (despite having done time for hating/assaulting them). Lux/high-end mags best exposure imo. Happy to shop.
Jules→John Hall
Danger of hypocrisy?
John Hall→Jules
You’re too old for hypocrisy. I’d play it as tongue-in-cheek self-conscious eminence.
Jules→John Hall
You told me writers are never old.
John Hall→Jules
Only until 70. After that, everyone is old.
Jules Jones→Lulu Kisarian
Dear Lulu,
My agent is willing to pitch this idea to high-end luxury magazines once we have approval from Jazz Attenborough. I presume you have some way to reach him?
Yours, JJ
Lulu→Jules
Dear Jules,
I have contact info for both Jazz A and his 3rd (!) assistant, but a query from me will lead nowhere. I’ve already tried.
Another late-night thought: would Bosco of the Conduits possibly want to be part of this? I have no idea what he’s up to these days (he’s alive, right?), but given that Jazz A is a rabid Conduits fan, having Bosco involved might be the thing that persuades him. Or are these the crazy 4am notions of a woman with a weevil left in her brain by the government agency she almost died for? Hitting “send” before I start deleting.
Jules→Lulu
Dear Lulu,
Next time, DELETE. I cannot stomach talk of weevils. I have been scanned for invasive hardware multiple times by an underground “cleaner.” Even in jest it causes me too much anxiety to read such musings, and invokes the specter that you are part of a government plot to invade my brain.
Re Bosco: Weird idea. Need to think that one over. Yes, he is alive.