Not Pretending Anymore(57)
My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of the front door opening. I stayed in my room, anticipating that Declan would come find me.
A minute later, through the mirror, I saw him standing in my doorway. His melancholy expression, though, was not what I was expecting.
I turned to face him. “What’s wrong, Declan?”
He plopped on my bed, lying flat on his back and scrubbing over his face. “I don’t know how to say this.”
My heart sank as I walked over to sit on the edge of the bed. “What’s going on?”
My mind raced. Is he going to tell me he has feelings for me? Did our kiss change things? Did something happen with Julia? What he actually said, though, was far worse.
“I have to leave Chicago, Mollz.”
“What? Did something hap—”
“I’m being reassigned to an account in Wisconsin. The guy running it left our company, and my boss needs someone there ASAP to take over. He wants it to be me or Julia, and he left me in charge of deciding who goes.”
Him or Julia?
My heart pounded. “So why isn’t she going?”
He shut his eyes briefly. “Julia can barely handle Chicago. She does nothing but complain about how much she misses California. This assignment is in the middle of nowhere. I’m pretty sure those two months would kill her.”
“You’re leaving?”
He nodded. “Yeah. I have to, Mollz. But it’s the last thing I want.”
“I can’t believe this. I always knew your time here was limited, but I feel like we just got robbed.”
“Me, too. I’ve been really down all day. Once I told Ken I’d do it, I fell into a horrible funk.” He sat up so he was right next to me. “There’s a little silver lining, I guess. Depending on when things wrap up there, I might be coming back to finish off the Chicago gig before I have to head back to California.”
That gave me a glimmer of hope. “So you might be back?”
“I’m not sure how it’s going to play out, but that’s a definite possibility. I did talk to my boss about the company covering my rent here for the remainder of the time I’d committed to. I didn’t want to put you out. He agreed to reimburse me for it.” Declan placed a piece of my hair behind my ear. “Can you keep my room here open? That way I know I’ll have a place to stay when I come back.”
It still felt surreal. “Of course, Declan. Of course.”
He shook his head as he stared down at my bedspread. “This is shitty timing—literally kissing and running.” He looked up at me and flashed a crooked smile that made my heart ache. Then he took my hand in his. It was an innocent gesture, but it made me warm all over.
I looked down at our entwined hands. “No matter how confused we might be, Declan, you’re one of the best friends I’ve ever had. I hope we don’t lose touch, because the thought of that makes me so very sad.”
He squeezed my hand. “I promise to stay in touch, Molly. I would love that.”
“You’ve helped get me through a really tough time in my life. Your friendship, your breakfasts for dinner, your smile...” I grinned. “I’ve felt more alive since you’ve moved in than I have in years.”
He studied my face. Maybe that was a little much to admit.
“This sucks,” he muttered.
The room fell silent.
“When do you have to leave?” I asked.
“He wants me out there by the beginning of next week.”
I did the math. I was off for the next three days but had to work Saturday through Monday. That meant I only had a couple of days to see him before he left.
I wanted to cry. “That’s so soon.”
He frowned. “I know.”
“What about you and Julia? Where does this leave that relationship?”
He shrugged. “In limbo, I guess—but that’s not far from where it already is. I think the distance will be good for us. I’m glad we hadn’t made any kind of commitment before this happened.”
Declan would surely want to be free to date whomever he pleased in Wisconsin. The thought of that made me nauseous, once again reminding me of my feelings for him.
“I wish I could say ‘fuck the job’ and stay. I really do. I love it here, and no part of me is ready to leave.” He exhaled. “I’ve come so damn far with this company, and if I pushed back on this, it would make me seem like I wasn’t a team player. It would hurt my chances of promotion.”
“I totally get it. Now is the time in your life to work hard so you can play later.”
He let go of my hand and laid back down, staring at the ceiling. “My need for success is deeply rooted. My parents are very old-fashioned—particularly my father. I grew up being told I needed to be successful because I’m a man, whereas they were fine with my sisters just marrying and settling down. The ironic thing is, my sisters all excel in their careers. But even so, my father has always put added pressure on me because I’m the only boy. I disappointed him when I chose not to go to law school like he wanted, so I’ve tried so damn hard to show him I can make my mark in an industry of my own choosing, not the one he chose for me.”
“Your dad is a lawyer?”
“Yeah. I never told you that?”
“No.”