Not Pretending Anymore(56)
Catherine exhaled. “I think it’s really crummy of your boss to put you in this situation. What about a coin toss?”
“That still leaves the possibility that Julia will have to go. She’d resent me too much.”
“So, in that case, there doesn’t seem to be all that much to discuss here. Seems like you’ve made your decision. You don’t want to hurt Julia, so you’re hurting yourself instead.”
I sighed. “The girl broke up with her boyfriend to date me, and I haven’t committed to her, even though she seems pretty damn emotionally committed to me, and now I’m gonna ship her off to Wisconsin? That would be messed up. Don’t you think?”
“I agree that you have little choice here if you’re looking to take Julia’s feelings into consideration.” Catherine paused. “What about Molly? What does she think?”
That question filled me with dread. “I haven’t told her anything yet. This just happened today. Molly’s at work right now.”
“Whatever happened with the conversation you were supposed to have with her?”
Cringing, I closed my eyes. “It backfired. Long story short, I’d built up the nerve to tell her I wanted to take a chance on us, but before I could say it, she told me the damn doctor had asked her to date him exclusively. She said she was going to go for it.”
“What was your response?”
“I kissed her.”
She laughed. “You what?”
“I kissed her. And it was the best damn kiss of my life.”
“I’m sorry. I’m so confused.”
“Me, too, Catherine.”
“Okay, back up.”
“Molly is supposed to tell him tomorrow night that she’s going to take him up on his offer. Once she announced that, I decided I wasn’t going to stand in her way. You told me yourself to act based on the vibe she gave me. Well, she made it pretty damn easy. But…since she was still technically single, and I might not have another chance to kiss her, I asked if I could do it just once. She said yes. It was amazing. The end. That was last night.”
“So, in forty-eight hours, you decided to go for it, got your heart broken, kissed the girl anyway, then found out you’re moving to Wisconsin for two months. I’d say you deserve a drink tonight, little brother.”
I opened the fridge and grabbed a beer. “Popping it open right now.”
“Is simply saying no to this transfer an option?” she asked.
Opening the bottle and taking a sip, I shook my head. “Not if I want to keep my job. And certainly not if I want to be considered for the promotion I’ve worked so damn hard for.”
“Okay.” My sister let out a long breath. “Let’s step back and take a look at this situation with a wider lens.”
“Alright.”
“Molly made her decision. She’s going to date the doctor. You’re not that into Julia anymore. Might this temporary move to Wisconsin be a good thing? You won’t have to be around to witness Molly moving on, and it will resolve your situation with Julia without you having to let her down. Maybe once you reset and head back to California after Wisconsin, you’ll be able to move on from all of this, too?”
“You make my mess of a life sound so simple.”
“Why does it have to be complicated?”
“Well, there is a small complication: the timing. I’ll likely still have to come back to Chicago to finish off the assignment here when Wisconsin wraps. By that time, God knows what I’ll be coming back to. But you know...the more I think about it, the more I realize it doesn’t matter how I feel right now. I have to go to Wisconsin.” I downed a long sip of my beer and repeated, “Dammit, I have to go.”
CHAPTER 21
* * *
Molly
My father’s advice had rung through my mind ever since I’d left him. I’d told Will I was going to give him a decision tonight, but was that really necessary? Why did we need to rush things? If I wasn’t sure, I most definitely needed to do as Dad said—take more time before making a commitment.
Looking in the mirror, I unbuttoned the top of my blouse and pulled it aside. The mark Declan had left on my neck was still there. I would have to cover it up with makeup before my date. The hickey would be one of many things I’d have to deal with before tonight. I didn’t feel ready to face Will without talking to Declan one more time.
Declan had texted that he was coming home from work and hoped to catch me. I wondered if he wanted to talk about what happened between us on Monday.
On the surface, that kiss seemed like a simple goodbye gesture, a gratuitous opportunity to take advantage of the situation. But the way he’d kissed me told a different story. It was desperate and full of passion and unlike any kiss I’d ever experienced. And it left me feeling more confused than I had before.
I thought about the conversation I’d had with Dad. There was more than one way to hurt someone. If I was going to commit to a man, I needed to be certain I wouldn’t be thinking of another. At this point, I didn’t see how my telling Will yes could automatically turn off my feelings for Declan. How would I feel if the tables were turned—if Will agreed to be my boyfriend, yet held complicated feelings for another woman? I would hate it.