Not Pretending Anymore(62)
I smiled. “Thank you for understanding, Will.”
He squeezed my hand. “Just remember, I can be here for you, too. All you have to do is let me.”
CHAPTER 24
* * *
Molly
I opened the Advil container and out came a pink M&M. I couldn’t tell you how many times I’d stumbled on candies all over the apartment. I always thought of Declan and smiled when it happened; he was right about that.
He’d been gone a month, and I still missed him. So much. The only difference between now and the time right after he left was that now I was forcing myself to move on—spending time with Will and allowing him to be there for me in every way. I hadn’t been able to do that with Declan around.
I popped the pink M&M in my mouth before pouring some water to take two of the actual pills. Then I picked up the phone and texted Declan.
Molly: Got the one you left in the Advil bottle. Made me smile :-)
He responded with a photo of himself getting ready to bite into a big hunk of cheese.
Declan: Say cheese.
Molly: When in Wisconsin…
Declan: You feeling okay?
Molly: Yeah. Why do you ask?
Declan: The Advil?
Oh. Duh.
Molly: Just a headache. Stressful day.
A couple of seconds later, my phone rang.
I picked up. “Hey.”
“Everything okay?” Declan sounded concerned.
“Yeah. Nothing terrible. Just visited Dad. He wasn’t feeling well, but at least he hasn’t had to be hospitalized. Now I have to go to work tonight, and it’s the last thing I want to do. I’m so tired, but I’m going to jump in the shower and push myself to go.”
“You don’t ever call out, do you?”
“No. I feel too guilty about leaving my co-workers high and dry at the last minute.”
“I bet they do that to you all the time.”
I took a moment to ponder that. “You’re right. It happens way more than it should.”
“You’re long overdue. I think you should call out and just rest tonight.”
I bit my bottom lip. “I don’t know if I could go through with it.”
“Yes, you can. And I hereby declare today National No Fucks Given Day. I think it should be celebrated at least once a year. Today is that day for you. Mark the calendar to remember it next year.”
I laughed. “And what does this holiday consist of?”
“Whatever the hell you want. That’s the beauty of it. So take the night off. Give yourself a break. Seriously, when was the last time you called out of work?”
“Never.”
“You’re kidding. Never? Not even once?”
“Literally never. I have never called out of work in my entire life—not because of sickness or anything else.”
“Molly. Fuck. It’s time. You owe it to yourself. Do it. Call the hospital. Do it now and call me back.”
“You’re serious?”
“Yes. I am dead serious. I know it will be hard for you, but it’s a good exercise in putting yourself first. Sometimes that’s necessary. Didn’t that therapist you see want you to be less rigid? This is the perfect exercise for that. Now, go make the call, then take a nice, hot shower to decompress. Call me back after. I need to know you actually did it.”
I took a deep breath in and let it out. I couldn’t believe I was considering it. If Declan wasn’t pushing me, I would never have thought to do this.
“Okay.” I exhaled. “Okay. I’ll call them now.”
“Good girl. I’ll talk to you in a bit.”
After we hung up, I stared at the phone for a while, having an internal debate. But then I came to the conclusion that the longer I debated, the less notice I’d be giving my colleagues, and that was bad. So I forced myself to make the call.
My hand trembled as I dialed the number. When my co-worker Nancy answered at the nurses’ station, I forced out that I wasn’t feeling well and wouldn’t be coming in for my shift tonight. It hurt my chest to lie. She sounded sympathetic and said I must really be sick if I was calling out, because I’d never done so before. I didn’t say anything in response to that, because I couldn’t lie any more than I already had. I simply thanked her and hung up. But after, I felt…a small sense of relief.
I took the long, hot shower Declan had suggested. I probably didn’t need to shower now that I wasn’t going in to work, but he was right. It did relax me, and by the time I got out, I no longer felt as guilty as I had before.
After I dried myself off, I dialed Declan back.
He answered, “Have we lost all our fucks yet?”
“We have. Or at least we’re trying to. It’s done. It was very uncomfortable for me, but I feel a lot better since I showered.”
“Woohoo! Welcome to the dark side.”
I chuckled, twirling a piece of my wet hair. “What’s next?”
“You’ve got the entire night off. The possibilities are endless.”
I knew Will was working at the hospital tonight. He’d probably text me as soon as he realized I’d called out to see if I was okay. Would I lie to him, too? I suppose I could be honest and tell him I wasn’t really sick, just needed a mental break. That was the truth.